Well it’s time for another update!!! 🙂 I’m not sure how interesting this is going to be (sorry) since I’m a fairly boring individual. But I hope you still enjoy it nevertheless.
Moi: So again, I’m a fairly boring individual. In the short hiatus I took from here, I was busy (and I guess still kind of am) catching up with people I hadn’t seen in a very long time and just living life. I’m currently in hiatus at one of my jobs at the moment so I’ve had a bunch of free time. I’ve also been in the process of looking for a new job in hopes to move to the city. Also, I just get bored really easily and need a job that’s more intriguing. But being the impatient soul I am, I’ve just been getting super frustrated and I know eventually I will just give up. Because I suck like that. What I really should be doing during this wonderful little break I have been given is work on my passion and what I really want to do…which is perform. Specifically, sing. Here’s a little snippet (or 2) of me singing, hopefully it spices up this post since I’m already bored just writing it:
So yeah, really that’s what I should be working on. But I’m not. 😦 I’ve also become a bit of a homebody…like probably more so than I should. My BFF “Tinky Winky Pooh Bear” read my tarot cards while she was in town (ya, I’m weird like that) and my immediate future pulled the hermit card so I guess it all makes sense?? Maybe something is wrong with me….
Sad, the website where I found this pic was about clinical depression…
“Mr. Big (Present)”: So things are officially, 100% over with this one, and I couldn’t be happier. I had randomly noticed one day that he had deleted me off of Facebook. But I gave him the benefit of the doubt because sometimes Facebook will just delete your friends for no reason. It’s dumb, really. Actually, the fact that I’m even writing about him deleting me off Facebook is pretty dumb in itself as well…just let it happen though. Haha. Anyways, I asked him about it and he did indeed himself delete me. He said it was because he had no reason to talk to some of the girls from his past, that he had deleted not just me but some other girls, and that it wasn’t personal. Funny thing is, he was JUST talking to me a week or so before this happened…. Anyways, I asked him if his girlfriend caught him sneaking around, and he claimed she didn’t. It’s very unlike him to do something like that all of a sudden though so either 1.) He’s super serious about this girl…like SUPER serious or 2.) He got caught, even if he won’t admit it. I was kind of a bitch back to him, told him that I hope he had deleted my number too so I wouldn’t be getting phone calls when him and his girlfriend inevitably break up, and thankfully he did (or so he says). Anyways, I think this kind of put closure on the whole situation, and while initially I was kind of confused why he would do it, and maybe even a tad bit hurt, because I thought of us as somewhat of friends in a way, I’m happy he did. It needed to be done. After this, I deleted his number as well, so now there’s no way to communicate with him, even if I was tempted. 🙂
“Mr. Big (Present)” wishes this could be his life everyday. Also, I just really love everyone in this picture, so I wanted to post it.
“Snoop”: I still get texts from this guy occasionally, telling me he was thinking about me and that he hopes I’m doing well. He did text me right before Christmas asking if I wanted to hang out for Christmas which I thought was really strange because we barely know one another, so of course I declined. I’m not sure if he’s just bored or he still has some hope, but nothing will come of it.
“Secret Sleaze”: A couple of days after our date, he asked me if I wanted to go to dinner. I was so tired from having been up so late almost every night that week so I declined. Then he asked me if I wanted to do dinner the next night instead. I had already had plans with some of my girlfriends, so again I declined, but said if he wanted to come hang out with me and the girls he was more than welcomed (obviously I was only saying this to be nice). To this he responded with, “Are you calling me a girl?!” which I didn’t think was a funny joke at all. So this is when we got in our discussion of why he always made fun of himself and he said he just likes to make people laugh and that he’s learned that not everyone is going to like you and that’s okay. Not sure what that had to do with him making fun of himself but okay. Basically, I told him he came off as insecure since he kept making fun of himself and justifying the shit he said instead of just owning it, but that that was just my opinion. To which his response was, “And you’re allowed to have your own opinion” or something like that. WELL NO SHIT!! Clearly, he’s not the smartest crayon in the box. Anyways, that was the last bit of correspondence we’ve had – I think he got the picture.
And the one you’ve all been waiting for…..
“Future Hubby” – So I had a whole thing written out for this one as far as an update was concerned, but then I realized I was just ranting. So to sum us up in a nutshell, we’re basically a roller coaster. Not a really crazy one that makes you want to puke and pee your pants, but a moderate one. We’re definitely a work in progress, maybe a bit more so than most.
So I’m definitely competing for his attention with another bitch, and I’m not enjoying that one bit. You know what that bitches name is? Alcohol. Yep. I usually win and don’t have to compete with her very often, but when I do, it’s not very fun at all. So after I wrote the last post about him, I kind of backed off. But then I missed him too much, so I started talking to him again. I’m trying this thing this year where if I want to do something or talk to someone or say something, I’m just going to do it. I’m not going to think about the dumb things that we ladies like to overthink sometimes. I’m just going to do it. So yes we started talking again and things were going well. We’d go out, have fun, come back and do our thing (which also is a work in progress – I’m teeny tiny, he’s big – things that are only supposed to happen when you first lose your v-card happens – in large quantities…yeah), go to sleep, then hang out for a bit in the morning. And then of course this week, not only was he not responding to anything I was texting him, I bumped into him at a bar and he was so drunk that he was by himself and didn’t even know where he was really. We fought pretty much the entire night, but it was like fighting with a child because he was so drunk. At times, I just had to laugh because it was so ridiculous. Apparently he had never received any of my texts from this week, and while usually I wouldn’t believe that shit, I’ve been having problems with contacting iPhones for some reason so it’s very possible he never got them. The week prior, his phone kept automatically rejecting my calls and he’d have to call me back every single time. I had this problem with “Indian Warrior” too so I know he wasn’t just rejecting my calls….maybe this means I need to upgrade from ghetto phone to smart phone? Anyways, in our jaunt back to my car, he made a friend along the way who lectured us in relationships and love, even though we both kept telling him we weren’t together, nor were we anywhere near being in love. But the guy kept telling us he saw something good and that he could tell we’d be really good together. Is that a sign??
Anyways, so yes this is our situation. When it’s good, it’s very good. He’s caring, sweet, makes me laugh, is super attentive, makes sure I’m comfortable, I can have good conversation with him and he’s seriously just everything that I like in a guy. And about 90% of the time that’s how it is. And then there’s the 10% that usually involves a copious amount of alcohol. A week or so ago, I did bring up the fact that I didn’t think he was making a very good effort and that I was making more of an effort than he was, to which he disagreed and said that I don’t make enough of an effort either. And while this conversation did happen while we were both drunk, he had a good point. I could probably make more of an effort myself.
I guess my concluding point here is that I’m going to stick this one out. I really do like him and care about him, and I’ve honestly never felt this way before. I don’t even know how to describe the feeling…it’s not like in the past where I was super infatuated with the person and would be a crazy person and have my life and thoughts consumed by said person and what not. It’s just…different. A good different. I actually WANT to see him all the time, and WANT to hang out with him all the time, unlike all those others in the past where I didn’t really care if I saw them very often or not. I think it kind of goes back to my belief of a relationship being two individuals coming together and sharing their lives together, in opposed to how most people believe it should be two people becoming one person. I do realize it’s going to take time and a LOT of patience, but they say if you really want something you should fight for it, so that’s what I’m going to do. I just hope I’m not doing it in vain.
When I saw this, I immediately thought of “Future Hubby”. Hahaha.
And to end this all….sorry this is so long…but a question for you all:
What do you want to see me do with my blog? I’m still kind of in the process of figuring out what to do with it. I can still continue on with what I’m doing, because I don’t see myself getting serious with “Future Hubby” anytime in the near future. I could also write some more about my past dating, such as one of the guys who lead me to write this blog. I guess I’m just still a little lost still as to what to do with this blog. I’m also thinking about starting a new blog with all my past poetry and maybe some new stuff – I hope that some of you will follow me, even if you hate poetry!! I promise it won’t be the bland stuff of the past!! 🙂