Archive | February 2013

…And This is Why I Don’t Like Falling for Guys….

Well, I seem to be joining the trend of many of the people here in the dating blog community.

I finally grew some balls and put everything (that might be an exaggeration, but it’s everything based on how I handle things) out on the table with “Future Hubby”.  Things have been rocky for awhile, which is partially why I haven’t made any updates.  I guess I just didn’t want to come to terms with the shitty way things were going.  The last time I saw him was on Super Bowl Sunday, and he wasn’t exactly the friendliest.  As I’ve mentioned before, we have a lot of mutual friends.  Basically everyone I partied with/hung out with in college is friends with him too.  I’m a bit closer to them than he is, but we still all hang out together on occasion.  Earlier that weekend, I had told all the guys that I wanted to watch the Super Bowl with them and I mentioned that they should invite “the neighbors” (a.k.a. “Future Hubby” and his roomie – they were neighbors to the guys I hang out with back in college).  I honestly didn’t think he’d be there and I figured I’d just text him when I got there and invite him to watch with us.  Well he was there.  And he was the first person to see me as I walked up to their table.  And he didn’t look happy to see me at all.

The entire time he was just really quiet, not very talkative, which really isn’t like him.  He’s a Gemini like me, and we’re all so very talkative.  Anyways, I tried talking to him a bit but he just looked peeved, so I did what I do best – I flirted with every other guy at the table.  I figured it wouldn’t matter anyways since they’re all our friends and he knows I don’t want any of them.  Plus he wasn’t being so friendly, and that’s what I do to retaliate.  Initially I don’t think he really cared, but by the end of the night I was getting comments like, “Yeah I’m SURE you know him” when I was talking to the only other girl at the table about a guy I know that she thought was hot (I wasn’t even talking to him…) and comments insinuating that I’m a whore.  Which is dumb, because he was talking to a girl he knew from a strip club for awhile, though he denied her pretty harshly when she asked him if he and the other guys wanted to go to the strip club.   Anyways, when he WAS talking to me, he was going against EVERYTHING I said.  I could have said the sky was blue, and I swear he would say it’s purple, just to antagonize me.  Let’s just say, the night didn’t end so happily for me.

This isn't our situation, I just thought it was an interesting situation.  Especially considering I have a hard time telling guys I like them.

This isn’t our situation, I just thought it was an interesting situation. Especially considering I have a hard time telling guys I like them.

The weekend before Valentine’s Day week, I ended up guest bartending at a bar/club downtown in which I told him if he came in I would give him free drinks.  He had sprained his ankle so he wasn’t going out at all that weekend.  I tried to get in touch with him the night after to see if he wanted to hang out, but of course no response.  Finally I get a response after asking if he was alive and I told him I would have offered to come over and hang out with him, but I was already at work.  All I got in response was, “I was fine.”  So clearly, he just wasn’t having it.  I decided to not speak to him during Valentine’s Day week, nor anytime thereafter.  Besides he was in Jackson Hole skiing with the fam.  Fast forward to now…basically I was just sick of not hearing from him and not knowing.  And I was watching The Biggest Loser and it was “Face Your Fears” week.  So I took a cue and faced my fear of telling people how I feel.  And this is how it went (keep in mind, his texts are emotionless…they always have been):

Moi: You said awhile back that you thought we should get to know each other and that we’ve never hung out somewhere that wasn’t a loud bar.  But I feel like lately every time I try to hang out with you, let alone talk to you, you either ignore me or make up some excuse.  So please just be honest with me, did you just say all that stuff because you were drunk or did you actually mean it??  (Thank you to Miss Jane Champagne for that last line…though I tweaked it a bit)

“Future Hubby”: I am just not interested right now

“Future Hubby”: (10 minutes later) I’m sorry, I just need to be honest with you (pretty sure that’s what I told you to do….)

Moi: Thank you for being honest.  I hope we can still hang out sometime as friends.

“Future Hubby”: Ya sure (I swear this isn’t sarcasm, that’s just really how he texts)

I was just going to leave it at that, but if you know me, I can’t leave things alone.  I’ve gotta drive a point behind everything and make people feel somewhat bad.  Or at least make them feel guilty.  So I ended it with this:

Moi: (40 minutes later) Just a tip for the future – don’t say things you don’t intend on following through with.  It’s mean.  And hurtful.

So yep.  That all happened.  On a side note, If you’re just going to comment some rude, hateful, “Of course he never liked you” bullshit, save your words and time.  I don’t need that right now.

So yes, I’m heartbroken.  I am glad, however, that I mustered up the courage to tell him how I felt, and I feel that was a huge stepping stone for myself.  I honestly expected him to flip shit (since a lot of men boys do), but he didn’t.  Because of this, I feel I can be honest with him about absolutely anything in the future (I mean, we ARE still friends, so we’ll have to see each other eventually).

Anyways, I cried a bit.  Texted some friends for support.  Cursed the guys that “Future Hubby” and I hang out with (I feel they are partially to be blamed by their single, blatantly-hitting-on-women-relentlessly ways…he’s not like that, but I know that behavior rubs off to a certain extent).  And that’s that.  I think in my heart of hearts, I knew that it wasn’t our time yet.  When you go from calling each other “hubby” and “wifey” to all of a sudden hooking up and seeing where things may go, and with so many people getting married and engaged, including people we both know, it’s a bit frightening.

I will say I am thankful for what little thing it was that we had together.  I still do care about him, but there’s nothing I can do about how he feels.  All I can hope for is a change of heart in the future.  Or for me to find someone else.

So for now, I’m going to work on me and just being happy again.  I just got a new job that I will be starting in 2 weeks and hopefully will be moving sooner rather than later.  And hopefully, all those wonderful positive things will keep my mind off the negative.  🙂

Advertisements

“Humdrum”

How We Met:  We met last weekend at a bar in the suburbs.  I don’t usually EVER go to this bar, but “Indian Warrior” (by the way, she started a fashion blog, check it out!) wanted to go out somewhere nearby, so that’s where we ended up.  Every time I’ve gone to this bar, I’ve always bumped into someone I know from high school, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it’s not something I really want to do either.  So I usually avoid it at all costs.  Anyways, since it’s close to where we all live, we all got pretty drunk.  Being the friendly drunk that I am, I started talking to this guy.  He offered to get me a shot so I was game.  I didn’t really think anything special of him.  He just offered to buy me a drink so I hung out with him for awhile.  By this time, I was already pretty drunk and to be honest, I couldn’t even remember his name by the end of the night.  But I gave him my number anyhow.

-Rating:

*Physical Aesthetics: 6

*Appearance: 6

*Personality: 7

*Manners: 9

*Intelligence: 7

*Confidence: 6

*Overall Rating: 6-7

The Date:  Well, I’m just going to go ahead and start this off with why I gave him such low ratings.  He’s not a bad person by any means and it was a lovely date; there was just nothing special about him or the date.  The date was very forgettable and so is he.  Hence the nickname (I couldn’t come up with anything better or anything that really stood out about him).  So there.

Anyways, if I remember correctly, “Humdrum” had called me the night we met right after we all left.  But I couldn’t remember his name so I didn’t want to answer.  He then proceeded to text me the next day and we chatted for a bit.  Basically, after that, he texted me everyday up until our date.  We finally set a day where he would take me out for dinner.  With this, I became a bit apprehensive to go on the date with him based on his response to my response on the restaurant he wanted to take me to (see He Said What?!).  I felt his comment was very out of the blue and insecure (which I called him out for).  And then I remembered back to when we met, and one of the first things he said to me was, “So where is the boyfriend or ex-boyfriend?”  Not exactly the best thing to say to a girl when you’re first getting to know her.  He also tried to get me to hang out with him the day before our date even though we had already set the date and “tried” to compliment me by telling me I was the prettiest girl at the bar that night.  If you know me, “compliments” (yes it’s in quotations for a reason) like that don’t impress me.  They’re very generic and it’s not exactly a compliment when the bar we met at NEVER has any attractive girls – the usual patrons are lazy girls who don’t care about what they look like so they appear to not have gotten ready to go out.  It’s not surprising to see a girl in sweats or pajamas there.  Putting on a bit of makeup and wearing a sparkly top automatically makes any girl the hottest girl at that bar.

So after all of our texting, I wasn’t sure how this date was going to go.  It was snowing somewhat heavily, so I was hoping that maybe he’d bail or something, but he didn’t.  And since it’s been awhile since I’ve been on an actual date, I figured I might as well just go for it.  So I met him at the restaurant that we had decided on, and he was actually fairly different from when he had been texting, which makes me think he was maybe nervous on what to say to me through text?  I guess it’s just more so a lesson to myself that I shouldn’t judge a guy based on the text messages he sends me.  Anyways, conversation went really well during dinner.  We talked about everything from the bar that we met at (apparently he doesn’t go there very often either), to college, to how we both ended up where we are now.  “Humdrum” is part owner of a gym, so we talked a lot about fitness which is nice, since I’m huge into fitness.  It’s funny to hear how the same stereotypical people end up at every gym: the true gym buffs who are there for a workout, the later 30 to early 40 housewives who have nothing better to do with their time than go hang out at the gym, the weirdos who think by just standing on a treadmill you’ll lose weight, and the people who just go to the gym to hit on people or get hit on.  It’s lovely, really.  It was also nice going to dinner with someone who was just as conscious about eating as I was, considering neither of us even touched the bread served to us.  Usually I feel bad when I go out with people if I don’t eat as horribly as they do so I give in.  No worries of that here!!  He’s a fairly big sports fan, so we talked a lot about sports as well.  Overall, dinner and conversation went well.  Nothing too special, but good nonetheless.

“Humdrum” plays hockey and their game had been moved to right after our date instead of the next night.  He wasn’t going to go because we were on a date, but I thought it’d be fun to watch him play so we went to the rink.  He thought I’d be bored, but I actually really enjoyed watching him play!!  Unfortunately, he didn’t play as much as the rest of his teammates because he had broken his stick during the first part of the game and had to go fix it.  But they ended up winning, even though they were down for the first 45 minutes.  By the time the game was done, I was so tired.  So instead of going and drinking with the rest of the team I told “Humdrum” I was leaving and we’d just hang out another time.

He texted me later in the night to thank me for coming to his game and to tell me that we should go out sometime and get all our friends together.  Why?  I’m not sure.

*Positives: He’s nice, a gentleman, easy to talk to, the conversation never stopped, we have quite a bit in common, he’s good company

*Negatives: His initial comments about a boyfriend or an ex-boyfriend in the picture came off as really insecure to me, there was nothing really special about him that stood out to me

Second Date?: He alluded to one, and I went along with it so possibly.  He also did mention that his birthday is this upcoming weekend.  But I haven’t heard from him since last night after texting everyday up until our date.  So we’ll see what happens.

“I like you. Do do you like me? Check yes, no, or maybe.”

When we were all younger, innocent and naive to the world, we would write notes that said this to the ones we liked on 3-hole punched lined paper (does that still exist??), in hopes that they would check the box marked “yes.”  God, if only life and relationships were really THAT easy…

doyoulikeme

So this has to be my biggest downfall in dating/relationships, and I’m hoping I am not the only one out there with this issue.  But I HAVE A PROBLEM TELLING GUYS I LIKE THEM.  Seriously.  It’s an issue.

Once upon a time, I used to be really good at it.  After a couple of weeks or so, I would tell a guy just how I felt about him.  Now, I’m not saying I got the response I wanted all the time, but I was at least able to do it.  Now, having been hurt so many times, I’m so scared of ruining whatever is going on with a guy, that I’m too scared to straight up tell a guy I like him and I just continue with whatever is going on at the moment.  Which is both great and horrible at the same time.

Reasons Why It’s Great:

-There’s usually  no drama

-No one is ever angry at the other for misunderstandings

-Going with the flow usually makes things easier and there’s no pressure or expectations

-The “awkward conversation” (as I like to call it) never has to happen

-I never get rejected

Reasons Why It’s Horrible:

-Guys never realize I actually like them (in my head, guys should just assume I like them if I act a certain way around them…stupid I know)

-I end up hurting myself by overthinking things and making things up in my head

-If I talk (a.k.a. flirt) with another guy, the guy I like automatically thinks I’m a whore or that I’m not serious about him which then leads to…

-Him finding a girlfriend.  Who isn’t me.

-Some things go on longer than they ever should

-I never know where I stand with a guy or what I can/can’t/should/shouldn’t do, as far as being able to date other men at the same time or not

-Someone usually gets hurt…and that someone is usually me.

ilikeyou

Oh if only real life had a Facebook like button…

As one can see, clearly the horrible reasons outweigh the great reasons.

So what I guess I’m trying to get at with this post is that I need a few pointers on growing some balls and telling a guy I like him.  Ladies, what are some of your tips on telling guys you like them??  Gentleman, how would you like a woman to tell you she likes you?  And don’t answer with, “Just straight up tell him,” because that doesn’t help the situation.  Also, hints and insinuations isn’t the answer here either, considering I do that constantly and still get nowhere.

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!!

A Retrospective… “Box Office Hipster”

So I really didn’t have any intentions of ever writing about this guy, because he’s not a part of my life anymore and his appearance was so brief that I didn’t deem him worthy enough to grace my blog.  But I know a lot of you had mentioned you wanted some background history on my dating life and this gentleman asshole would actually be considered someone pertinent, considering he was one of the reasons why I started this blog in the first place!!

I'm not even kidding you, this is pretty much exactly how he dressed.....

I’m not even kidding you, this is pretty much exactly how he dressed…not necessarily a bad thing but yeah…

The Story….After graduating college, I was kind of at a loss as to how to meet new guys.  I knew I could always just go to the bars and try to find a guy there, but how lame is that?  Besides, there’s the stigma of finding someone at a bar, and even though some people do in fact find the love of their life at a bar, I wasn’t about to join that crowd.  Around this time, I was still seeing “Mr. Big (Present)” every once in awhile, but I was quickly losing interest since it had been so long with us doing the same thing, with no change whatsoever.  I was to the point where I was over it and I just wanted to find someone else.

Being the social butterfly that I am, I started talking to some of the guys who worked at the box office at my work (I work in the theater district…like Broadway musicals and plays…not the movie theater…).  If I remember correctly, earlier in the year, one of the guys had nervously asked for my number after I had spoken to him once.  It was really cute and he was a fairly good looking guy, so I gave him my number.  That ended up being one of the worse dates ever, with him being super nervous, awkward, and the epitome of insecure.  I mean, the guy went to the bathroom and when he came out he told me, “I’m surprised you’re still here, I thought you were going to leave while I was gone.”  Yep.  He really said that.

But enough with all that.  The guy this post is dedicated to is the friend of awkward boy I went on a date with.  I really never paid much attention to the people at the box office before, but they had renovated things so that the box office would be facing the bar that I make occasional guest appearances at and we could all stare longingly at each other if we all wanted to.  “Box Office Hipster” never really made an impression on me.  I remember having bought a ticket for something from him and him trying to talk to me but I just disregarded him.  He just never stood out and I didn’t think much of him, except he was kinda cute.  But with the renovation and being having a lot of breaks in between shows, I ended up chatting with him on occasion.  It started out pretty innocently, but eventually we began flirting…a lot!  I would even catch him staring at me from across the way on occasion, and while I was creeped out, it was kind of flattering.  But he never asked me for my number or made any indication he wanted to hang out.  So it was frustrating and intriguing all at the same time.

Finally, after two months of chatting and flirting and creepily staring, he asked for my number.  I had been working that night and so had he, so before he took off for the night, he invited me out with him and his friends.  I told him that I maybe would and that I would let him know as soon as I got off.  Well of course I went to meet up with him!!  And I ended up getting drunk.  If I remember correctly, I gave him a lap dance at the bar we were at and proceeded to make out with him a bit.  When last call hit, I knew I couldn’t drive home.  And I started to panic a bit.  I didn’t want to stay at his place since that was the first time we had ever hung out, but it was looking like I had no other option.  Outside of his friend’s place, I kept telling him I couldn’t stay at his place and I tried calling my friend who lived in the area to see if I could stay at his place (turns out I was right in front of his building as I was panicking…shows just how drunk I was).  So I ended up staying the night at “Box Office Hipster”‘s place.  He was a complete gentleman, and even offered to sleep on the floor if it would make me comfortable.

After that night, we were practically inseparable.  He would text me several times a day every single day, from the time I got up till bedtime and would want to hang out as much as humanly possible.  He even got sad/upset when he was supposed to be having a guys night and I didn’t tell him I was at a nearby bar.  Honestly, I was completely overwhelmed.  And I definitely felt smothered at times a lot of the time.  But he was good to me and he liked me, so I went with it.  He had told me I was the first girl he had been excited about in a really long time and that he really liked me.  So of course, I fell for it.   And that’s where I went wrong….

Haha TOTALLY HIM!!

Haha TOTALLY HIM!!

There had been several warning signs that I shouldn’t date this guy.  Right from the get go, he told me that he wasn’t good with relationships whatsoever and he usually got tired of girls after a month or so.  And from there, instead of ending it with them, he would just stop talking to them and would ignore them completely.  That should have been RED FLAG number one.  But clearly I’m an idiot.  He also didn’t have a savings account and didn’t believe in saving money; his belief was that if he earned it, he can spend it however he chose.  He had a weird thing with his image (I’m guessing it was because he was fat in high school and then lost a bunch of weight after) and literally took as long as I did, if not a tad bit longer to get ready.  And when I say get ready, I mean we would just go over to his friend’s place and he’d have to get ready to go there.  With a hat on he looked good…though I soon discovered just how awful he looked without one.  His hair was receding BADLY, and just gross looking.  He thought it was weird that I didn’t wear a lot of makeup and that I wasn’t always 100% put together all the time, because all the girls he had dated in the past wore tons of makeup, always had their hair and nails done, and always dressed up.  He also made a comment that if I lost any more weight, he couldn’t date me anymore.  Yes, he was a bit of a chubby chaser.  Closed minded doesn’t even begin to describe his thought process.  He never saw outside of the box, on anything.  He had a weird thing about being in the spotlight or the center of attention, and hated when any attention was brought onto him.  I’m the complete opposite, so you can only imagine how that went.  He thought sex or anything sexual was the reason why he lost interest in the girls in the past, so with me he didn’t want to do anything whatsoever initially.  It was like 2 weeks before we did anything but make out.  And that’s a long time for me.  Seriously…I could go on even longer than this.  But I won’t bore you all with it.

Anyways, as predicted, after about a month, he became really distant.  It was right after I had called him out for being so closed minded.  Weirdly enough, even with all the red flags going off, I was super upset that we had stopped talking.  I’m not an openly emotional person and usually do the opposite of what other girls do (i.e. girls usually text/call guys A LOT…I don’t at all; girls are always like “Oh I like you so much” and are all over the guy…I just assume the guy knows how I feel and I’m never all over him – in fact, I’m usually distant; etc.), but I started to when he stopped talking to me, telling him I missed him and shit.  What the fuck.  He also owed me some money, so I was very determined to get that back.  Not because it was a lot, just because of the principle.

Where is he now……After about a month or so of us not really speaking and him still owing me some money, he met a new girl.  She was definitely the needy, clingy, whore makeup,  Oh-my-god-I-like-you-SO-much type that he needed.  A girl who didn’t have very many friends nor a life of her own so that all her time could be spent on him.  Oh, and I should mention, she’s definitely large and in charge.  Haha.  Of course, after a month or so of casually dating, they became official and have been together ever since.  I think they even moved in together a few months after they became official.  How lovely.

Big ladies need loving too...

Big ladies need loving too…

What I learned…I realized that “Box Office Hipster” was very similar to “First” in that they both wanted me to be something that I wasn’t.  Luckily, since I had learned the first time around changing myself and who I am was not beneficial to anyone, especially myself, I didn’t change myself for this one.  But I definitely contemplated it, which scared the shit out of me.  I never thought I would do it again, and here I was contemplating it.  I think my experience with this one also further drove the point across that I should find someone who likes me for me, flaws and all, instead of someone who has an idea of what it is they want in their head and tries to make me into that.  Either way, it’s an experience that I am grateful for, and a person that I’m glad to have out of my life for good.