Archives

Date #34: “Sage”

How We Met: We work(ed) indirectly together at the theatre I cocktail/bartend/sit around, hang out, and do nothing at.  While I pretty much do nothing, he handles all the lighting and other technical stuff within the theatre.  Basically, without him, the show doesn’t run.  I honestly can’t even remember how long we’ve known each other at this point…definitely more than a year.  Anyways, if I remember this all correctly, he overheard me talking about my blog to someone that we work with.  He then offered to take me on a date for my blog.  So yes, he knows this baby exists (unlike the majority of the  men I’ve gone on dates with).  We had been talking about it for several months, but things just kept coming up for both of us so we never got the chance to go on our date.  Until now.

-Rating:

*Physical Aesthetics: 7

*Appearance: 8

*Personality: 10

*Manners: 10

*Intelligence: 10

*Confidence: 8

*Overall Rating: 10

The Date: So as I stated previously, this date was a long time coming.  And as one can tell by the high ratings, this date was fucking awesome.  🙂  Not that I had any doubts.  Anyways, I told him to surprise me as far as what we were going to do for the night.  All my dates so far have been pretty unoriginal, usually ending up at a restaurant/bar and having a couple of drinks.  Being the Gemini that I am, I’m all about spontaneity and variety.  So when he told me to bring a jacket, I was already excited – it most definitely sounded like something way different from the rest of my dates.  The sweetheart that he is, he drove all the way to my house (which is about 11-12 miles away from where we were going) to come pick me up.  And he opened my door getting in the car.  Seriously?  What a gentleman.

Because I am curious and I didn’t want to wait for the surprise, I asked him where we were going the minute we got in the car.  It turned out he was taking me to the one place I have been wanting to go for the past 2 years but haven’t had the chance to (and no one has offered to take me…though I guess I could have gone by myself…): the Denver Botanic Gardens.  I know this doesn’t seem exciting to anyone else except me, but I was so happy!!  The weird thing was, I don’t recall ever telling him I wanted to go here, so it’s like he read my mind.  Haha.  Anyways, we get there, and it’s just BEAUTIFUL!!  Since it’s (supposed to be) winter, instead of flowers and green trees, there were beautiful lights everywhere for what they call Blossoms of Light.  Honestly, it was just magical.  I felt like a little kid staring at all the pretty lights.  On top of that, some sweet older gentleman handed me what looked like 3D glasses as we walked in, and it made all the lights look like snowflakes!!  Seriously, just super enchanting.  While we were walking around looking at the beautiful view, “Sage” and I talked about virtually everything, from work to family life, to what we want to do next in our lives.  I feel like most of my dates have been very surface level conversations, if you will, so it was definitely refreshing to go on a date with someone who actually had something of pertinence to talk about.  I liked how learned he was in a lot of different things, and maybe that’s just something that comes with age (I’m pretty sure he’s more than 5 years older than me, though not 100% positive), but it was just lovely.

After the Botanic Gardens, he took me to dinner at an Indian restaurant nearby.  On our way down to the Botanic Gardens, we had discussed possibilities in what to eat that night.  All the places he suggested sounded so delicious and were different than what my average date would usually take me to.  We got to the restaurant and we got to sit at a table where we sit without shoes on pillows (not too sure what that is called).  It was just lovely.  Again, we started talking about everything and anything, but I think this is when we more so focused on relationships.  We talked about people we had previously hooked up with, old relationships, and just interactions with the opposite sex in general.  In talking to him about this, I made the realization that maybe a lot of the things that I am doing and the way I come off to men is not exactly what I’m wanting (i.e. I may seem like I’m not serious about finding someone or wanting to find someone, but deep down I really do).  It most definitely made me think about the things I say to men, and how I convey my  real feelings towards them (if I even do that, let’s be honest, I am chicken shit when it comes to really liking men).  When our bill came, although I offered to pay, he wouldn’t let me.  🙂  He said it was a date and that he would take care of it all.  Ladies, this is what a true gentleman looks like!!!  Afterwards, he took me back home and we said goodnight.

Honestly, as one can attest by everything written above, this was one of the best dates I have been on since writing this blog.  Not sure if it’s because I knew him before or if because he knew about my blog (which is why I don’t usually go on dates with people who know about the blog…I feel that it might change how they behave on the date), but I have this feeling that he’s just a sincerely good guy who knows how to treat a woman correctly.  It doesn’t get better than that.  🙂

*Positives: A TRUE GENTLEMAN, good conversation, had a lot of intelligent things to say, took me to really awesome places, very kind and sincere, has so much wisdom (hence the nickname I gave him), I could talk to him about anything without feeling judged, made sure I was having a good time the entire time, he’s mature

*Negatives: We’re not in the same scene (I can be a bit of a party girl and he’s completely out of that scene), there were times I felt that awkward moments of silence, but that quickly changed

Second Date?: Duh.  Haha.  I’m not sure if it will be before the end of this blog, but I’m sure we’ll figure something out!

Date #33: The Return of “Mr. Big (Present)”

Note: This wasn’t actually a date, but based on our situation and his current relationship status, this is about as close to a date as we’re going to get.

How We Met: Enlighten yourselves if you haven’t already before, “Mr. Big (Present)”

-Rating:

*Physical Aesthetics: 7, but when he takes his clothes off – 9

*Appearance: 7

*Personality: 10

*Manners: 1 & 10 (I’ll explain later)

*Intelligence: 10

*Confidence: 10

*Overall Rating: 9

The “Date”: A little over a week ago, we had made a bet over the 49ers vs. Bears game.  I LOVE games and bets where there’s something to gain or lose, so I just had to make a bet on this game.  I really should have made the bet with my potential “TOWWETB” since he’s from the Windy City and loooooves the Bears, but I’m awkward, and I get scared to talk to someone too much when I like them…like I get scared that I’m bothering them…which I guess shows just how much I really do like him.  And yes, there will be a date soon with him, I’m just getting over my fears.  Anyways, so instead I made a bet with “Mr. Big (Present)”.  He said he’s not really into American football (he plays soccer) except for the Broncos, but that he would make the bet with me anyway.  I let him set the wager and of course, he picked a blowjob as the wager (mind you, the fucker has a girlfriend).  I agreed to it and that was that.  I knew I was going to win  because I just have that much faith in my Niners.  No matter where in this world I move to, I will always be true to my hometown.  🙂

So as I predicted, I won the bet.  In fact, if anyone watched that game, it was pretty sad on the Bears part.  They didn’t even score a point until after halftime.  Anyways, I get a text from “Mr. Big (Present)” about how upset he is that he lost our bet and asking me when I’d like that blow job.  This continued into multiple text messages and Facebook chats over the next week and a half about  blowjobs.  Seriously, it was all we talked about.  How to give one, examples of how to give one (I sent him a visual of a transvestite getting a blowjob from some guy), whether he’d be good at them or not.  Since I am indeed female with no penis, I wasn’t sure exactly how this was going to go down.  I did, however, suggest him suck on my toes.  By the way, on yet another sidenote, we have a very strange relationship in that we can talk to each other about anything and say weird things to one another without the other freaking out or thinking anything of it.  Talking about blowjobs is almost second nature to us.  So yes, this blowjob talk continued and continued.

Finally, when I was ready to collect my blowjob, I contacted him.  And here’s where things get shady…on his part.  We were talking through Facebook chat, and he kept pushing our time back to meet up.  I had told him I’d be there after I was done watching one of my favorite shows in the world, and he then proceeded to ask me how late I was going to be up for.  I questioned this, and this was the response I got: he was hanging out with his girlfriend at the moment and didn’t know how long that would last.  He even tried canceling at one point, asking me if I would be mad if we didn’t get together that day.  Since he’s screwed me over in the past, I decided to fuck with him.  I started taunting him, saying that I had a surprise for him in this whole blowjob ordeal and that he wouldn’t get the surprise if he didn’t meet up with me when I wanted to meet up.  And that the surprise was amazing.  Of course, this piqued his interest and he badgered me non-stop, asking me what this surprise was.  It got to the point where he started compromising with me on what he’d get if he met up with me, perhaps maybe a return blowjob.  Normally, I would tell him that that’s out of the question, especially because he has a girlfriend and I don’t condone cheating.  But, since I was persistent about meeting up with him that night, I agreed to it.  So he went from almost completely backing out of meeting up with me to 100% meeting up with me after I agreed to a blowjob.  God, he’s so fucking easy.  He made mention how I am trouble and how I would get him in trouble.  😉  Actually, here’s a snippet of our conversation, in discussing whether or not we were going to meet up:

“Mr. Big (Present)”: Ok….if I can right now then you have to fork out a bj too then

Moi: Sure

“Mr. Big (Present)”: Are you serious?

Moi: Yep

“Mr. Big (Present)”: Ahhhhhhhh!! You are trouble…

Moi: 😉

“Mr. Big (Present)”: You’d get me in trouble!

Moi: Well it’s your call, be a man, suck it up, and owe up to the bet, or wimp out

Hurry and make a decision, before I get bored with this conversation and decide to take back what I just said

I’m sure you all know what he decided on.  🙂  I don’t like the idea of not having an escape plan for myself, so I decided to pick him up at his place.  On my way there (I live like 10 minutes from him…) I get a “Where are you?” text.  Seriously, so impatient.  When I finally get there, he’s already outside.  We start to leave and I ask him where the closest restaurant bar/bar is and he’s confused.  In pajamas, he was under the impression that we were just going to go to some dark alley way and get it on or something.  So I made him go get his ID which he didn’t think he would need, and we leave for a bar.  On the way, we make small talk, discussing the things happening in our lives.  Pretty boring on both ends.  He honestly didn’t sound like he was very happy with what he’s doing with his life at the moment.  We talked about how we were both pretty sick of our jobs and I told him how I was wanting to find something new soon.  As always, he was very encouraging, telling me I could easily find something else because I’m smart.  Such a sweetheart.  Seriously, if I need an ego boost, he’s a good one to go to.

We get to the bar which isn’t exactly a dive bar, but it’s nowhere even in the vicinity of a posh lounge either.  There was a few people there just having a couple of drinks.  We went to the bar and I order him a blowjob shot.  I was initially going to make him take it from between my legs, but alas, the bartender had no whip cream.  So no blowjob shot.  Boo.  The entire time, he seemed super impatient and just a bit uncomfortable.  I ended up making him take a cement mixer.  The bartender was really sweet and ended up giving us the shot for free since it’s a trick shot, usually given to people on their 21st birthdays.  We immediately left after the shot, even though I offered to get “Mr. Big (Present)” a beer if he wanted.

On our way to his house, I think he finally put two and two together.  I was clearly not going to give him a blowjob and had only said I was so that he would do what I wanted and meet up that night.  He had mentioned earlier in our conversation the fact that he had a girlfriend (even though it’s clearly did not stop him from hanging out with me…hence why I marked his manners as both really low and high) to which my response was that I don’t condone cheating; something I’ve told him over and over again.  We get to his house, and he’s still hopeful and tells me, “You know you want to give me a blowjob.”  I then tell him about my potential “TOWWETB” and just how much I really like this guy.  This doesn’t deter him, and he asks if he just pulls his penis out a bit, then maybe I’ll want to give him a blowjob.  I still tell him no and begin to blow in his face, saying, “There’s your blowjob.”  🙂  He sat there stunned for a bit, telling me I had lied to him.  I like to call it manipulation, but whatever.  Being the gentleman he is though, he didn’t freak out at me (like I think some guys would).  He just simply laughed, told me if I ever wanted to hang out and grab drinks sometime to call him, and left.

Honestly, I’m pretty proud of myself for this one.  I killed two birds with one stone…I’ve kept my options open by talking to him still and not putting all my eggs in one basket for my potential “TOWWETB” and I fucked with his sex drive – he thought he was definitely going to get some and instead all he got was a disgusting shot and a blow in the face (literally).  While yes, it’s pretty shitty of me to try to draw him away from his girlfriend, it’s pretty shitty of him to comply with my requests.  He could have easily said, “No, I have a girlfriend.”  Instead all I had to say was I’d give him a blowjob, and he jumped at the occasion.  This whole incident honestly made me lose a lot of respect for him and made me realize how much I DON’T want him anymore.  I’m so glad that he had inadvertently protected me from getting truly hurt by telling me he sucks at relationships from the get go.

*Positives: He’s a great guy, very smart, very athletic, amazing body, easy to talk to (I can talk to him about anything without feeling I’m being judged), has a lot going for him, fun to hang out with, and at one point, truly believed that he embodied everything I wanted in a guy.

*Negatives: He’s a cheater, while he IS nice, he clearly doesn’t know what it means to have a girlfriend, he’s easily persuaded by other things (a.k.a. other girls offering sexual favors to him), he wants what he can’t have and always will, in some ways is disrespectful towards women (in the way that he treats his girlfriends), clearly has some relationship/intimacy issue that he needs to work on.  Basically, all his negative qualities lie in the relationship aspect.

Second Date?: No.  I’m most definitely over “Mr. Big (Present)”.  As lovely of a person as I think he is in every such way, I’ve most definitely lost a lot of respect for him after this whole ordeal.  I’m just glad I’m not the girl who he’s constantly fucking over.  I would be willing to hang out with him as JUST a friend, with hopefully no sexual innuendos or anything leading to sex talk.  Maybe one day we can be actual friends, but I’m pretty sure after all this, he won’t be talking to me for awhile.  Haha.

Date #32: “Snoop”

How We Met: I met him at a private party I was working a couple of weeks ago.  It was a fun little party in which I was encouraged to be friendly with the guests.  “Snoop” came to my bar a couple of times and seemed really chill, but quiet.  We introduced ourselves, talked for a bit, and then that was that.  Later on in the week, I attended the party as a guest and bumped into “Snoop” as I was leaving.  He said we should go out for lunch or something sometime so I gave him my number and we figured out a day to meet up.

-Rating:

*Physical Aesthetics: 6

*Appearance: 6

*Personality: 9

*Manners: 9

*Intelligence: 9

*Confidence: 7

*Overall Rating: 9

The Date: I wasn’t actually supposed to go on this date until a little bit later in the week.  But the guy that my boss had set me up with flaked on me (yet again), so I decided to move this date up.  All I really remembered about this guy is that he reminded me of Snoop Dogg and looked like he walked right out of a rap video.  But I do remember him being very nice.  Since I was going on this date after work, I told my co-workers about the guy.  One of my co-workers had also worked this private party and after I had mentioned what this guy looked like and how he was, she said that he was really weird and borderline rude to her, wearing his hood up with his face covered the entire time he was at the party.  While it didn’t sound like “Snoop”, I only worked one night of the party while she had worked numerous nights so I thought  maybe it could have been him.  This made me a bit nervous to go on this date with him.

We decided to meet at The Cheesecake Factory, which I was very excited about because that place is delicious!  I walked in and ended up just sitting at the bar.  I couldn’t remember exactly what he looked like and there was some guy dressed up like he could have been in a rap video at the front, but I didn’t know if it was him so I didn’t want to go up to him haha.  Luckily, he realized I had walked in and found me.  He had just come from Barnes and Noble, where he was looking at the book Arabian Nights.  I was actually shocked he even knew this book existed because 1.) I most definitely stereotyped him as someone who wasn’t very cultured and 2.) I only expect people who are really into literature to know classics such as that.  So I was pleasantly surprised.  Initially, it was a bit awkward and conversation wasn’t really flowing.  But eventually we got to the point where it flowed nicely.  Turns out, we had a lot to talk about, from where we grew up, to what we’re currently wanting to do, to sports, to arts and humanities.  Besides learning that he’s into reading classic books, I also discovered that he’s very into the arts.  He really enjoys theater and the opera, and has seen performances in such places as The Met.  He mentioned having seen some operas that I would have never expected him to utter.  Honestly it was refreshing to be on a date with someone who was well cultured and had a lot to say for himself.  The only thing that really turned me off is the fact that he owned a couple of dispensaries and is in the process of selling them with the legalization of marijuana.  Nothing wrong with weed and nothing wrong with people who smoke it…I just don’t, nor do I really enjoy being around potheads.  But he seemed like he had his head on his shoulders so that was only a minor thing.

Conversation really picked up when we started discussing sports.  He’s a huge sports fan, as am I.  We talked about how we both want to go to all the major games for every type of sport there is (i.e. World Cup for soccer, Wimbledon for tennis, The Olympics, etc.).  We then started talking about football since the game was on (ya know, only one of the most important football games now that Peyton Manning is on the team).  He’s from Chicago (what’s my deal with guys from there?) and I’m originally from San Francisco, so it was only fitting we talk about Monday Night Football and how the Bears and 49ers were playing one another.  I’m not kidding you, we probably talked about this for 30 min to an hour.  I’m all about my home state pride, and he is about the Bears, so we went back and forth arguing about who was going to win the game (the 49ers will for sure though…).  As we were arguing this, the poor people next to us who had just gotten done with the Broncos game had to listen to us go back and forth about this haha.

It was getting late (for me, I’m a baby), so after we finished our “argument”, he walked me back to my car and we parted ways, of course still somewhat going back and forth about the game.  He texted me when I got home, hoping that I had a safe drive and that he was sorry for being so nervous (I didn’t notice??).  Sweet guy for sure.  All in all, I would have to say that this was a pretty successful date, especially in comparison to my last few dates.  Unfortunately, I didn’t feel any kind of spark with him.  The du-rag and baggy clothes just wasn’t doing it for me.  But he’s a cool guy and I could see myself hanging out with him again for sure.  🙂

*Positives: Very kind, paid for my dinner (FINALLY, someone is a gentleman!), surprisingly very cultured, has his head on straight, is a total go-getter, loves sports as much as I do, is well versed, is from one of my favoritist cities EVER

*Negatives: Dresses like he walked straight out of a rap video, doesn’t have proper table manners, I’m assuming he smokes weed since he owns a dispensary, owns a dispensary, never finished college

Second Date?: Probably.  He was a nice fellow, and I wouldn’t mind hanging out with him again.  Just wish he’d dress better…=)

Date #31: “Turtle”

How We Met: We met at a mutual friend’s going away party.  Really, I should use the term “met” loosely, considering the fact that he never actually introduced himself.  In fact, I had to go ask someone what his name was after like an hour because I felt bad that he had been in the same room as me and talking to me, but I didn’t even know his name.  Basically, at this going away party, it was segregated into a lot of people upstairs and a few people downstairs.  So being the lameass that I am, I chose to hang out with the calm, quiet, few people in the basement.  And “Turtle” was one of them.  Oh and on a sidenote, this nickname isn’t a reference to Turtle on Entourage, because I’m pretty sure even he has more game than this guy I went out with.  Anyways, towards the end of the night, this guy ended up sitting right next to me, and I noticed kept scooting closer and closer to me.  I’m not a shy person, so I didn’t mind this or think twice of it.  But it was to the point where when he left his seat momentarily, this cute little dog came and practically sat on my lap, and he made the dog move so he could sit by me when he came back, gently scolding the dog for even thinking about sitting by me.  WTF.  Okay, enough with the sidenotes…so “Turtle” leaves the party without saying bye and I don’t think anything of it.  Until I find out the next day that he managed to find me on Facebook (I’ve made myself fairly private) and added me as a friend.  Not wanting to be rude, and since I met him in person, I decided to accept his friend request.  He began to message me and we set up a date to meet.

-Rating:

*Physical Aesthetics: 4-5

*Appearance: 6

*Personality: 3-4

*Manners: 3-4

*Intelligence: 6

*Confidence: 4

*Overall Rating: 4

The Date: I’m to the point where I’m completely over going on all these awful dates.  I know why they’re awful too.  Because I’m just not into them, nor the guys they are with.  I would rather spend my free time with people I am 100% sure I will enjoy (a.k.a my friends).  Hence why I rarely go on dates on the weekends.  Waste my lovely weekend on some guy that I know nothing will work with?  Please.

Anyways, as I’ve clearly prefaced the following, this date wasn’t good either.  We decided to meet at a bar right by my work so I could just quickly run over there afterwards.  I sent him my phone number to text me, yet he was either too timid or doesn’t text (which I highly doubt), so I didn’t even know if he was at the bar or not at our planned time.  I told him (through Facebook) that I would have to still change and what not before I met him over there so I may be later than our planned time, and all he said was, “Well I’ll see you when you’re there.”  Strange.  I could have totally stood this guy up.  So of course I take my sweet ass time getting ready and having a drink with my favorite co-workers while I’m getting ready.  It was a little over 30 minutes after I told him I would be off work, and I still hadn’t heard from him.  For a second, I thought maybe he just didn’t show.  So I was SO tempted to not even make my way over to that bar and just hang out at work, because, well…I love my co-workers.  🙂  But I didn’t want to be a total bitch, plus I still need to get to 50 guys here, so I went.  It turns out he was already there at the bar, just waiting for me.  Why he couldn’t text me to let me know he was there, especially since I showed up very late?  I do not know.

I go to sit down, and he IMMEDIATELY begins to scoot his chair extremely close to me again.  And when I say close, I mean he was practically sitting in my lap by the end of our stay at the bar.  I just thought it was so weird, and maybe that’s his way of showing he likes a girl or whatever, but it’s strange.  Anyways, we start talking and I recognize immediately that we have nothing in common.  Whatsoever.  We hang out at very different places and enjoy doing very different things.  Okay…maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration.  But in my mind, we had nothing in common.  He works at a company that he started, working with hedge funds.  He works from home.  He goes out every once in awhile with his friends.  I did most of the talking.  Booooooring.  Luckily, my co-workers were still at work and texting me so I decided to move our date to my work, which I know is lame, but at least I would have all my favorites there to witness how awful this was all going.  As we’re closing our bill, I reach for my credit card, and “Turtle” doesn’t even blink.  He doesn’t offer to buy my drink, and just puts his credit card down and tells the bartender to split it.  Seriously??  Again, not saying I need to be paid for, but at least FUCKING OFFER!!  Be a fucking gentleman!!  I know I’m a bit of a princess in that, but I can’t help it – the guys in my life take care of me without question, so I’m just used to it.  And even when I try to buy them stuff, they refuse and make me put my money away.  True gentleman they are.  So of course I was already irritated that he didn’t offer, but I still let him come hang out with me at work.

We get to my work, and since I had been texting my co-worker “E-Slide” on how awful the date had been going already, you could tell everyone either already knew this or in their head were thinking, “What the fuck is she doing with a guy like that?!”  He just gave off a weird vibe.  Like a super timid, awkward vibe.  Anyways, we go to sit down and of course, again, he scoots his chair so close to me he’s practically in my lap.  Why he thinks this is attractive in any way, I’m not too sure.  Because I don’t like having someone I’m already uncomfortable with that close to me…ever.  But yes, he was practically in my lap again.  Luckily, my boss and “E-Slide” were in the vicinity so we all just start talking.  I kind of felt bad because at that point I kind of started ignoring him (or at least tried my best to).  He started GAWKING at me, even when I was just listening to someone else talk.  Instead of looking at the person talking, what most socially competent people would do, I would catch him just gawking at me in such a creepy way.  I seriously just wanted to die on the inside.  So can you really blame me for ignoring him?  Plus I noticed that he would change how he spoke to my boss (who’s a guy) in opposed to me or “E-Slide” – like the inflection in his voice and his demeanor changed, almost as if to “look cool” or “fit in.”  So unattractive.  He kept asking me when I was free again, and what I was going to be doing over the weekend, and luckily I’m busy so I told him that.  He seemed bummed, for what reason I don’t know, because I’m pretty sure I gave him every sign in the book that I wasn’t interested in him at all in the least bit.  When it was time to leave, “E-Slide” wanted me to walk her to her car since this one creepy security guard has been lurking around lately, so I told her I would.  “Turtle” was parked in front of the first bar we were at, which was only a block and 1/2 down the street from where we were at so I thought we were going to part ways.  But being the dumbass I can be sometimes, I offered to give him a ride to his car, which for some reason he agreed to.  Again, what the fuck.  I didn’t have a drink at work so I didn’t think to tip my boss (he was bartending), but “Turtle” definitely had two drinks, and not only did he not make any offer of payment, he didn’t even try tipping.  Horrible impression to make on someone who works in the industry.

So I walk “E-Slide” to her car, and then drive “Turtle” to his.  The entire time he’s trying to talk about my car like he knows cars so well and keeps comparing it to a hybrid.  At this point, I’m already so grossed out and not attracted to him, that I just can’t even really listen to him nor take him seriously.  We get to his car, and he gives me an awkward hug where he accidentally (but probably not accidentally, let’s be real) brushes up against my boob, then leaves.  Ugh.

*Positives: I really wish I could think of even one.  Oh…I guess he’s somewhat intellectual since he majored in biology.  And he’s from Chicago, and I’m in love with that city.  That’s about it.

*Negatives: He’s not physically attractive in any way whatsoever, he is extremely awkward, HE DIDN’T PAY FOR HIS DRINK AT MY WORK NOR TIP MY BOSS, didn’t offer to buy me a drink, weirdly kept scooting closer and closer to me, attempted to touch my leg or back every so often and it just came off as super weird and creepy, kept gawking at me for no apparent reason (also super creepy), is socially inept, has no characteristics I desire whatsoever, and clearly can’t take a hint.

Second Date?: No.  Absolutely not.  He sent me a message over Facebook (why can’t the fucker just text me?!) asking me what I was doing this weekend which I ignored.  Finally, this prompted him to text me super late at night asking me where I was at.

Date # 30: “Eccentric Cheeseball”

How We Met:  It’s actually kind of funny how we “met.”  I was at home minding my own business and working on some music (I’ll be posting that here soon once I start recording!) when my phone began to blow up with numerous text messages.  Apparently, “Indian Warrior” and one of our friends were at a Chili’s eating dinner and they thought that I should go on a date with their waiter.  “Indian Warrior” explained to me that “Eccentric Cheeseball” overheard them talking about me dating and how I am part of that site What’s Your Price?, and was immediately interested in what was going on.  To my understanding, they told him he should go on a date with me and got all his contact information for me.  They said he was 29 and that he was interested in going on a date with me.  They sent me a link of his Facebook so I could see his picture, and I thought he was cute so I figured why not.  I eventually sent him a text and we began to talk.  At first, he seemed like a really cool guy, but after awhile, his text messages were EXTREMELY cheesy (some text messages will be posted in He Said WHAT?! so you can all see for yourself).  I was almost wondering if he had thought of the cheesiest lines he could come up with and use them, thinking they were funny.  I’m sure some people would have thought the things he was saying was sweet, but to a no bullshit girl like myself, I wasn’t falling for it.  The only time cheesy is okay is if I already know a guy and I know he’s purposely being cheesy.  Then it’s kinda funny…and maybe cute.  Anyways, we’re both fairly busy people so in trying to find a time to meet up at, we had plenty of time to text.  I really can’t explain to you how cheesy his text messages were…it’s something I would expect from a clingy boyfriend.  So you can only imagine how much I wasn’t looking forward to this date.  But I promised “Indian Warrior” that I would be nice.

-Rating:

*Physical Aesthetics: 9

*Appearance: 9

*Personality: 7

*Manners: 6

*Intelligence: 8

*Confidence: 6

*Overall Rating: 7

(I just realized, I probably should have rated everyone’s common sense as well from the get go.  Oh well…)

The Date: Initially, he wanted us to make a whole weekend night of it…dinner, and dancing afterwards.  While it sounded great, I’d rather spend my weekend nights with my lovely friends having the time of my life; not stuck with a potentially shitty date.  Luckily, because he was so anxious to meet me, we sped up our meeting.  We decided to meet at a Starbucks in a Barnes and Noble, which I thought was a lovely idea since I love both Starbucks and Barnes and Noble.  As I was parking and walking to the Starbucks, I noticed a guy walking by me that looked like “Eccentric Cheeseball” and it was indeed him.  I most certainly thought he was attractive physically, dressed well and in good shape.  We introduced ourselves then he had me walk with him to his car to put some books away.  He had me hold one (even though he didn’t need help holding the books and didn’t bring it into the Starbucks with us…not sure why I was holding it to begin with) called The Female Brain.  While there is nothing wrong with reading up about the opposite sex (and granted, I was basing my judgment on the name of the book), I saw this as a HUGE red flag in that he could quite possibly be one of those people who read a bunch of books  about the opposite sex and believe what they say, but have no tangible experience themselves on the topic.  I brought this up with him, to which he retorted reasoning that he enjoys reading psychological books such as that.  This then later on lead to him discussing the fact that he has over 70 hours in “non-scholastic psychological study” and he continued to remind me throughout our entire date how psychologically sound he was.  Funny thing is, he brought up the fact that he doesn’t even have his associate degree, and that he’s one math class away from finishing that.  Considering the fact that I have a few friends who studied psychology in college and have one friend who is in the process of getting her doctorates, this made me chuckle deep down inside.

We went inside to sit down at Starbucks and he asked me what I wanted.  Weirdly enough though, after asking me what I wanted, he didn’t even offer to pay.  I’m not saying I need every guy to pay for me, but if you’re going to ask me what I want, shouldn’t you be paying?  Anyways, we then further discussed other topics.  Honestly, our entire conversation was so psychologically based, but not in an intellectual way whatsoever.  I felt like he was trying to amateurishly analyze me the entire time.   He then asked me what my favorite animal was.  While this wouldn’t be weird in any other situation, he said that whatever animal I picked would describe my personality completely and how I am as a person.  Again, back to the whole constant analyzation of me as a whole.  He made some other weird comments, such as not consuming anything he wants but only something he needs (in this case, apparently his only needs are water and chicken).  He then contradicted himself thereafter when I asked him if he ever goes out on the weekends and has drinks with his friends, to which he replied yes.  Well as we all know, alcohol is not a need (well…unless you’re an alcoholic, I guess).  He mentioned that he was really social and had been so since a young age, and that he used to be teased because he was so confident, or social, or something of that sort.  He was fairly loud and animated when trying to describe something, and I wouldn’t have been surprised if some people were looking at him thinking “What the fuck…”  Anyways, in a nutshell, this guy either had really strange social experiences, or wasn’t as experienced socially as he claimed to be.  Because he was weird as fuck!  In fact, our topics and conversation were so strange that I will list a couple of the topics here:

-A woman’s menstrual cycle and how it can lead to cancer because it’s not natural for a woman to have a period

-What our purpose of living was and why we each thought we were put here in this life

-Wants vs. Needs and which one is worth satiating (or not)

-How no one in the world has ever had an original thought

While none of these topics are too extreme, for a first date it’s a little too much.  The best part of our entire date was when he found out I was writing a blog about dating.  He had mentioned that he had overheard my friends talking about me trying to date 50 different guys this year and he asked what number he was.  I’m a dumbass (or maybe not) and assumed he just knew about my blog from my friends, so I started talking about it and told him what number he was.  We then started talking about dating in general, and I talked a lot about posting about dating and how a lot of my dates were interesting, to say the least.  He then began to put two and two together.  Apparently, he didn’t know about my blog until I had mentioned it and just thought I was dating around.  He  then asked me if I wrote about every date I went on and had a bit of a worried look on his face, to which I responded “No, I only write about some of them” (haha, sucker).  He made it sound like he had a lot of experience in dating, but his actions and demeanor around me told me otherwise.  I almost felt like he was trying to overcompensate for his lack of social skills by trying to impress me with his “astounding knowledge” of psychology.  I could go on and on and on about how ridiculous this date was all-together but I’ll just leave it at this.  Luckily I had to go to work that night, so I only had to spend 2 hours with him, which was really far too long.

*Positives: He was physically attractive, in shape, plays soccer, is actually (or at least seems to appear) pretty smart, engaging (in a strange way, but nevertheless engaging), dressed well

*Negatives: He was a fucking weirdo, to say the least, analyzed me the entire time, talked about a lot of stuff that shouldn’t be discussed on a first date, didn’t even offer to pay for my drink, sent me the weirdest text messages (don’t forget to check out He Said What?! for the ridiculous messages he sent me), enjoys partying in the suburbs (seriously, his favorite “night club” is in the suburbs), kept calling me “Sweetie” before we had even met, and has nothing whatsoever going for him in life,

Second Date?: Haha, I highly doubt it.  I think he got the idea that I wasn’t into him.  Plus I haven’t gotten any cheesy fucking text messages since our date, so I think it’s safe to say a second date is not in our future.  Maybe he should psychoanalyze himself and how he presents himself to others before he starts analyzing other people.  Just a thought…

Date #29: “Animated Faux”

How We Met: On What’s Your Price.  He “winked” at me maybe a week ago and we’ve been talking a bit since.  I was surprised that he agreed to it because I set my price fairly high (I think) for this particular date ($100).  I’m not into old guys whatsoever and this guy is 49, so I price myself high for oldies in order to see who is really committed.  Anyways, I’m gonna start this off by being 100% honest and admitting that the #1 motivation for me to even go on this date was the $100 price tag.  Since I’m on a bit of a hiatus at my job, I figured why not make some extra cash.  Can you blame a girl?  So I went on this date with my eye on the target…the $100.

-Rating:

*Physical Aesthetics: 8 (for an old dude)

*Appearance: 6 (dressed like an old dude…I guess that’s expected)

*Personality: 6

*Manners: 6 & 9 (I’ll explain)

*Intelligence: 9

*Confidence: 4 & 10 (I’ll explain this as well)

*Overall Rating: 6

The Date: So I am still pretty upset about this, and there’s a reason why I prefaced this post by talking about the money….HE DIDN’T FUCKING GIVE ME THE MONEY!!!!  Yes, I know, this makes me sound like a total materialistic bitch, but the whole point of What’s Your Price is going on a date and being paid at the end.  It’s the deal.  In fact, the website even says you can take someone to small claims court if they don’t give you the money because it’s a written agreement.  Anyways…on to the actual date.

I really didn’t want to go on this date.  I really don’t like older men.  Once upon a time when I was a child (like literally, elementary school and middle school), I always thought older men were so attractive.  When I grew up and actually started dating, I realized how much I like guys my own age.  It just makes sense.  So I was already not wanting to go on this date.  Plus he was having me drive almost an hour away just to go on the date and I didn’t want to drive that far.  Luckily, it started snowing the night before so I thought I could use the excuse that I didn’t want to drive that far in the snow and what not.  Unfortunately, the roads ended up not being bad whatsoever the next day so I had to keep my word and go on the date.

I get to the restaurant and apparently he had already told the hosts who I was and that I was meeting him because I get there and they already know who I’m meeting.  They take me to the table where he is waiting.  Looked exactly like he did in his profile pictures.  He initially started off as a really cool guy and we had lots to talk about.  Theater, traveling, food, working out…the conversation flowed very nicely!  Plus the food was delicious, so that most definitely added to the date.  On a random side note, at one point he had mentioned that he was a Scorpio and he asked if that went well with Geminis.  If you read my previous post about Geminis, you’ll know I know a bit about/have a fascination with astrological signs.  So of course I knew that although a Scorpio and a Gemini is not a classical pairing, it can work.  But was I about to tel him that?  Nope.  So I acted like I had never encountered a Scorpio before (Mr. Big (Present) is one).  The one thing that was different about this date in comparison to all the other What’s Your Price dates I’ve been on is that we actually talked about that website itself.  I made up a half lie saying that my friend thought I would enjoy that website (true).  I left out the part that I’m writing a blog about dating and need some victims dates to write about.  He joined the website because he said that older women couldn’t keep up with him and that he needed someone who wasn’t boring.  Initially, I had a feeling that maybe he was gay because of his mannerisms (extremely animated) and the way he said things (very effeminate).  But I think everyone is gay (I love gay men) so I’m sure I’m just crazy.  Anyways, I honestly thought the date would be done after lunch since that was the plan.  But then he told me that he wanted the date to continue even though he didn’t have anything else planned (I guess usually he plans out a whole day because, in his words, “he’s a romantic”, but the last girl he went on a date with didn’t like what he planned last time and she was close to my age, so he didn’t plan anything for this date).  Since my price for this was $100, I figured what the hell, I might as well just do it.  We ended up just going to a Starbucks and getting tea.  In my opinion, this is where things started going downhill.

So we got tea and he suggested we sit in this lounge area located in the corner of the Starbucks.  I chose the single person couch because I wasn’t feeling very well and I didn’t want him to be super close to me.  I had noticed at lunch he was scooting  closer to me even though I wasn’t give him any indication that’s what I wanted.  So although I picked the single person couch, he managed to find a way to move closer to me, to the point that I was really uncomfortable.  This is why I gave him the rating I did for manners.  I have a bubble, and I don’t want anyone in it…unless I give very clear, blatant signals that you can join me in my bubble.  I tried moving further away, but that’s not really possible in a single person couch.  We started talking about what we enjoy doing on weekends nights, and of course I enjoy going out to the bars with my friends like many people in their mid-twenties.  He more so enjoys low-key things, such as dinner and dancing (but not at clubs, at old people places).  It was here when I realized that he is one of those older gentleman who are trying to act much younger than his age, hence why I gave him the rating I did for confidence.  He told me he could tell I liked dancing and that I must go to a lot of dance clubs.  And of course, I do.  But the places I mentioned and the places that he mentioned were vastly different.  He talked a lot about going out, and he made it sound like he’s all about going out, but I could tell we had a different idea of what “going out” meant.  He definitely was trying to compete with me, saying that he goes out late and stays out late and really knows how to party.  Then I made the comment that it’s a bit tacky to watch older folk out at the bars late at night, acting crazier than the younger kids.  That definitely made him think a bit.  The funny thing is he said that he joined the website to find girls to keep up with him, yet there is no way this old man could have ever kept up with me.  Not sure if he ever thought about it the other way around.  The conversation pretty much declined after this.  I wasn’t feeling well (probably self-inflicted since I didn’t want to be there with him anymore) so we cut our date shortly after getting tea.

And the kicker….he walked  me to my car, said he had a great time, and left.  You’re probably wondering what’s wrong with that…NO OFFER OF MONEY WHATSOEVER!!  Every other guy I’ve been on a date with from that website has given me the money at the end of the date, no questions or reminders needed.  So I was pretty perturbed that he didn’t even try to give me anything or say he had no intentions of paying.  About 5 minutes later, when I’m already kind of upset that I had spent all that time and driven almost an hour away from where I live for this date, I get a phone call from him.  I try not to talk on the phone and drive at the same time (driving stick keeps all my limbs busy…I just can’t multitask like that), so I let it go to voice mail.  I listened to the voice mail and it was about the money.  He said that he was really sorry that he had completely forgotten about it and that if we went out again, he would be sure to have the money for me then.  He kept apologizing and then said something about “he wishes me well.”  And while maybe he did legitimately forget about the money, it just seemed all too convenient for him to not give me the money this time in order to assure a second date.

*Positives: Very nice older man, very smart, is very cultured so he has a bunch to talk about, kept conversation going the entire time

*Negatives: He didn’t give me my money, he’s definitely fake in the sense that he’s trying to act a lot younger than his age, he entered my bubble a little too much, he kept creepily staring at me even though it was clear I was not reciprocating those feelings, he could not ever, ever, ever keep up with me, he’s old

Second Date?: Unlikely.  Even the promise of $100 couldn’t get me to go on another date with this guy.  I think I’ve had my fill of older men to last me a lifetime.

Date #28: “Bashful”

How We Met: We met on the (now…in my opinion) infamous dating website that I am part of, What’s Your Price.  He had “winked” at me awhile back and although after I looked at his profile I didn’t find anything of substantial interest, I did think that he seemed somewhat physically attractive.  And since I’m not really saying no to anyone (with the exception of those cheating married bastards and guys who live extremely far away from me), I figured I’d give it a shot.  It did worry me a bit that his profile said he had just gotten out of a relationship, because in my head that was a sign that he was one of those guys who needs to be in a relationship and that he was just trying to find a new person to cling on.  This notion was further corroborated in a message he sent me asking me if I was open to being in a relationship (RED FLAG, RED FLAG).  We had intended on going to dinner a couple of weeks ago but things kept getting in the way.  Finally we found a night where we were both free.  To be honest, I was a bit apprehensive to go on this date (it seems this is a constant in a lot of my dates….).  I’m getting to that point where I haven’t been as excited to go on dates and I feel like it’s more of a job than actually trying to find someone.  And I mean, the whole point of my blog was to eventually find someone.  So with that whole aspect kind of missing, I’ve been bumming.  Anyways, for the sake of my blog and the fact that I hadn’t posted a date post in awhile, I figured I’d go on the date.

-Rating:

*Physical Aesthetics: 8

*Appearance: 6

*Personality: 7

*Manners: 5

*Intelligence: 10

*Confidence: 6

*Overall Rating: 8

The Date: I’m not going to lie….the date went a lot better than I had expected.  And after having gone on it, I am actually very happy that I agreed to go on the date and that I met up with this guy.

“Bashful” decided to pick a restaurant that I have actually been wanting to try for awhile and haven’t gotten around to doing so, so I was actually pretty stoked to go to this restaurant.  I got there a bit early so I sat at the bar and chatted with the bartender.  Of course, like every other bar I go to, I made friends with the bartender and he made me a delicious custom drink with cognac, St. Germain, and a hint of yellow chartreuse.  It was DELICIOUS!  I never thought cognac was something I would enjoy, but the way he made the drink was delicious.

Anyways, when “Bashful” arrived, I was actually kind of awestruck.  While he looked fairly attractive in his profile picture, he was a lot better looking in person than I thought he would be.  Ya, he dressed a little frumpy, but he had just such a sweet face.  We got a table and initially, it was super awkward.  I have a feeling he doesn’t online date (granted, he DID write that he had just gotten out of a relationship on his profile) or know how to make a good first impression to begin with, because I felt like I was doing a lot of the talking.  And while I do love talking, it gets a bit awkward when I’m doing 90% of it.  So I started asking him a bunch of questions (I didn’t know what else to do…) and that most definitely got the conversation flowing.  I found out that he was an English major (as was I!!) and actually ended up getting his MA in English as well.  In addition to that, he also got his MBA in Finance.  This lead to our conversation on the fact that he used to teach English at a community college, but decided not to take that route this semester in order to further work on himself and what he really wants to do in life and to work on a business that he started with some people (in the coffee industry, roasting coffee and selling it to business).  The fact that we had our degrees in common was really exciting for me because I love finding other English majors.  We talked a lot about that…pretty much the basis of the majority of our conversation.  His main focus for English was in the psychoanalysis of literature which was really interesting to me, since mine was creative writing (hence the blog…I’ll eventually write about this in particular).  But psychoanalysis has always fascinated me in literature, so to hear someone’s take on it who truly studied it was awesome.  He started talking about how even how men and women communicate (or more so the lack of the ability to communicate properly) has everything to do with psychoanalysis.  With this he gave me the example of porn.  No joke.  But don’t worry, it’s actually a really smart analysis.  Anyways, he gave the dichotomy of there being male porn and female porn.  Male porn is completely devoid of emotion; he referred to this as “absent desire.”  It’s just straight to the point with no feelings involved whatsoever.  Where as female porn has desire, there’s usually dialogue or some sort of conversation going on besides just straight sex.  Emotion is a huge factor in female porn.  And when you think of it, even if some of us ladies like hardcore porn, he really does have a point.  It’s why we like things such as Twilight (not me, but I’m sure others do) and Fifty Shades of Grey. (Seriously, Wikipedia should love me for how many times I reference things back to their site) And it’s SO true!  He related this back to communication between men and women in that women speak from emotion, while men do not.  Obviously, this isn’t always true, but as a generalization, it most definitely is.  His knowledge about this and just how easy it was for him to turn something like porn into a completely psychoanalytical subject just blew my mind.

While we talked a lot about him, he didn’t really ask me much about myself, which I guess was okay.  Just kind of weird since in his initial message to me he said he wanted to ask me a bunch of things.  The date ended much earlier than I had expected (I had prepared myself for a long night of boring conversation and it only ended up last about 1 hour and 45 minutes), which was both good and bad.  Good in the sense that I don’t really like staying out late on weeknights, but bad in the sense that I actually really enjoyed this guy’s company and I was sad to see it come to such a quick end.  But he was tired from working all day, which is something I completely understand.  We ended the night with a hug and went our separate ways.

*Positives: He’s cute, he’s smart, he has two masters, he majored in English (like myself), he’s super busy with work and life in general, he’s a bit awkward (but in a very endearing way), he’s a total foodie

*Negatives: He’s a bit awkward, he waited for me to bring up things to talk about (but maybe he was just really shy?), he’s just as busy as me, if not even more, his manners aren’t exactly up to par (didn’t walk me to my car really, didn’t let me walk out of the restaurant first, didn’t hold the door open, etc.)

Second Date?: I really do hope so, despite some of his negative qualities, he seemed like a really cool guy that I could find myself actually liking a lot.  =)