Archive | July 2012

Random: No, Thank You, I am NOT CUTE!!

Before anyone starts freaking out and hating on me because they think this is an insecure plea for everyone to tell me how beautiful I am, let me just tell everyone that it is NOT.  If you know me (and I think by now, most of you know me pretty well just from what I’ve written), I am the last person to ask ANYONE for validation on whether I am attractive or not – I know I am.  I don’t need any reassurance, thank you.  So now that that’s out of the way….

The “really” does not help…

“Cute”…that word.  I love it and hate it all the same.  I love it when talking about puppies, and kittens, and clothes, and babies, and small things, and all other things in life that are deserving of the term “cute”.  But when a guy (not just a guy friend, but guys that I want to date/fuck/etc.) uses it to refer to ME…I fucking despise the word.  I don’t mind it when another female describes me as cute.  In fact, just recently I worked an event with a bunch of gorgeous models who told me I was cute- I loved it and took it as such a huge compliment coming from them!!  I just absolutely despise when men refer to me as cute!

I’m sure you’re all thinking now, “Damn, this bitch is crazy!” but here is my rationale on the whole thing.  I associate the term “cute” with things that are cute (i.e. see list above).  I also view the word “cute” as referring to people who are decent looking, but not necessarily attractive.  For example, Adam Brody is cute, but I wouldn’t go as far as to say he’s hot, where as someone like Cristiano Ronaldo (I’m seriously so in love with him) is just so handsome, and hot, and sexy, and every other word you can think of…except cute.  Even if you ask the average person what the lowest ranking of attractiveness is on the unofficial scale of attractiveness (yes I made this up, but go with it…you know what I mean), “cute” would be at the bottom.  And while there is nothing wrong with being cute, I just really don’t like being considered cute.  To me, it’s almost insulting.  There are many other terms that could be used to describe attractiveness, such as the following: beautiful, handsome, pretty, hot, sexy, gorgeous, lovely, banging, dime, and much  more.  Yes, the last two are pretty ghetto in comparison to the others, but I’d rather be called those terms than cute.

And you know, maybe I’m just overreacting.  Maybe I really am just cute.  And maybe that’s the only term that can truly describe me.  Or maybe certain guys only see me as cute, while others tend to think I’m better looking than just cute.  But why would I want to date someone who just thinks I’m cute, when I can be with someone who thinks I’m hot, or beautiful?  I think we should all be with the people who find us to be at the tip top of attractiveness, even if to someone else we’re not.  I mean, just take the difference between “Hollywood” and “Mr. Big (Present)” – “Hollywood” will tell me I’m cute or call me “cutie”, while “Mr. Big (Present)” tells me I’m hot.  Who do you think I’m going to pick?  And while I myself call some guys “cute,” it’s usually because they are just that – cute.  They’re not hot, sexy, handsome, or gorgeous.  They’re just cute.  Averagely attractive.  Yep.

I know, this post is borderline ridiculous (if not just straight up ridiculous) as it takes a small issue of vernacular and blows it completely out of proportion.  But this is something that bothers me.  Not to the point where I freak out or anything, but it does bother me quite a bit.

So to all you men out there who may be reading my blog, or may randomly come across this post: do not call me cute.  Unless you do in fact only consider me cute.  And then you can just go away because I probably won’t want to date you anyways.

This…this is cute

This is cute

This…this is NOT cute. If I wanted to have been cute, I would have put on bunny ears and smiled (which I did do for another picture…but that’s besides the point)

Date #20: “Dream Maker”

How We Met: So this was my very first date with someone I met online!  I met him on a dating website that I previously mentioned in my post I’m Priceless…Or Am I? called What’s Your Price.  I was completely apprehensive about the whole online dating thing to begin with, but I figured I’d give this a shot.  While browsing through my selection of men, there weren’t very many that were around my age (I gave myself the gap of 22-35(ish) just to be open).  Most of them were in their 40’s and 50’s and I’m already into younger men as it is, so that was most definitely not my type.  There are literally only a handful of men on that site who are my age.  So I came across “” and decided to “Wink” at him (to understand this whole process, you’ve gotta check out that website).  In turn, he offered me $55, which I accepted.  To be honest, I’ve decided not to deny anyone on that site unless they are married and/or have children….not my style.  Anyways, I didn’t think anything of it because I hadn’t been having luck with the site; I had a bunch of men offer me money, but no one had messaged me or responded to my messages (they have to pay to read a message/send one back).  But alas!  I found a guy who responded!!  He seemed cute based off his one picture, so we started talking and he gave me his number to text him.

Here’s where things got a little weird…as soon as we started texting each other, he began sending me a lot of text messages….quite especially a lot for someone I hadn’t even met yet.  Then he started sending me pictures of himself…no, not gross ones you pervs, just of himself.  Now, I know he had mentioned that he would send me some since he only had one picture up on his profile, but he sent me quite a bit…again, a lot more than I expected from someone I hadn’t met yet.  This started weirding me out.  In addition to this, his text messages were so strange and I was extremely off-put by this.  So I was really hoping something would happen and our dated wouldn’t happen, but it happened, much to my dismay.


*Physical Aesthetics: 6-7 (It would be higher if his teeth were straight)

*Appearance: 10

*Personality: 8

*Manners: 10

*Intelligence: 5 & 10 (I’ll explain this later)

*Confidence: 10

*Overall Rating: 10 (I’m pretty sure this is a first!!!)

The Date:  Like I said previously, I was completely apprehensive to go on this date – I honestly contemplated canceling many a times.  But I figured I had to do this for my blog…my writing comes first, apprehensions second.  So I went through with it.  And let me just say that this is probably one of the first times in the history of my blog that I am completely shocked at how a date went…

It was AMAZING!!  First off, I do want to preface what I’m about to say with the fact that I don’t want to actually date him.  BUT, I do really like him as a person, he’s my new favorite person, and we better hang out again or I may throw a fucking childish ass fit!!  We decided to meet at a restaurant bar between both our houses. Since this was my first online date, I decided to park kind of far from the restaurant just in case he turned out to be creepy, so he wouldn’t follow me home or anything, or know what I drive.  When I got to the bar, I found him immediately.  Luckily, he looked just like his profile and every other picture he sent me.  We began to talk and as we were talking, he kept fiddling around with other stuff and looking through his wallet, which I thought was kind of weird.  But then he handed me some cash, which was both weird and awesome at the same time, because this little lady is broke.  Anyways, we ordered a drink and talked about everything.  It was really nice to see how two people who had never met each other before had such a natural conversation flow.  He’s really into stocks and economics so we talked a lot about that.  It was interesting, because academia wise, you can tell this boy is not the brightest.  But when it comes to street smarts and things he’s passionate about, he’s extremely intelligent.  We also talked about religion, since we’re both Catholic.  He’s (to a certain extent) extremely religious to the point where he accepts the LGBT community, but finds it very strange and is still weirded out about it, where as I, love gays.  Like looooooove.  I’m thinking his extreme Catholic views may have to do with the fact that he’s Polish (like his parents are straight from Poland and he used to be able to speak the language) and I know a lot of Polish people are still extremely devout Catholics.  I also learned that he is not much of a partier and didn’t even really start drinking until he turned 21, which was really cool and respectable.  Considering everyone I hang out with is basically in some stage of alcoholism, it was refreshing to hang out with someone who isn’t.

After we had our one drink (I love this because I didn’t have to make up an excuse as to why I didn’t want to drink anymore) we were about to leave, but then I saw his car and fell in love.  He has a Nissan GT-R and while I didn’t know exactly what that was at the time, my eyes liked what it saw and I HAD to get a ride.  So he took me around the area, floored it, and scared the shit out of me a couple of times.  But it was so exhilarating I didn’t even care.  The car has 485 hp and goes SOOOO fast!!  It wasn’t so bad when we were doing 120 mph on the highway, but driving around the residential areas was terrifying – I was so scared!!  We also listened to a guy who he has invested in – this guy is a rapper from California.  Usually when people tell me someone sings or raps, I’m extremely judgmental, because anyone can say someone sings or raps – it takes true talent to make it sound good.  And I was extremely surprised when I heard this guy because he is GOOD.  Better than even some of the stuff on the radio right now.  We sat in his car, listened to music, and talked about music for a long while….at least an hour or so.  He told me what he plans to do with “his artist” (as he calls the guy) as far as exposure, shows, etc.  And honestly, based on what he said, he’s doing it in exactly the right way.  When it comes to getting what he wants and things he’s passionate about, “Dream Maker” really makes it happen, which is so awesome.  He understands the value of working hard and not just having everything handed to him on a platter (although from what I understood, he’s an only child and his parents are loaded).  He understands that sometimes in life you have to fail in order to succeed and take chances in things without being 100% positive on the outcome.  All in all, it was a wonderful date and I’m glad I spent my night with him.  =)

*Positives: He’s a hard worker, he knows what he wants and will take any measure to get there, he’s very sweet, total gentleman, actually paid (as was the agreement through Whats Your Price but I didn’t think he actually would), has a beautiful car, made sure I was happy the entire time, really fun to hang out with, is into music (I get to audition to sing the hook for “his artist”!!  woohoo!!), has really pretty eyes

*Negatives: He’s awkward when it comes to texting, he’s a bit awkward in general (but I find this more endearing than annoying), doesn’t really go out or drink or party much (this isn’t a bad thing by any means, but doesn’t fit with my lifestyle personally)

*Second Date?: Ya for sure!!  Though I hope the “second date” consists of recording at the studio.  Haha.

Date #19.1: “Doc”

(Note: Refer to Date #19: “Doc” for background to this particular date)

Despite my lack of feeling of butterflies with “Doc” during the first date, I decided to go on a second date with him.  Why not, he’s such a nice guy and I had fun the last time??  Plus, I thought maybe if I gave him a second chance, maybe my feelings would change (they didn’t, but I’ll explain that later) and I would actually fall for him.  And it was his birthday this past Wednesday, so I felt somewhat obligated to hang out with him at least once more.

The plan was for him to make me dinner at his place and then we would just hang out (AWWW…I know).  Unfortunately, he had to work later than he thought, so we ended up just getting take out.  I, of course, brought the wine.  When I first arrived at his house, his front door was wide open which I thought was super strange.  When I knocked (I have manners, I didn’t just walk in), no one answered so I just stood there at the front door for 5 minutes or so.  I finally called him and it turns out he had went to go grab our food and left the front door open.  What the fuck?!  Maybe it’s my California roots, but I NEVER leave anything unlocked, let alone wide open.  I mean, you never know who’s going to just come in and steal all your shit or murder you.  Seriously.  Shit like that happens, even in the safest of neighborhoods.  Anyways, he finally got back home and I lectured him about leaving the door open, which completely amused him.

He ended up getting us Chinese food (which for some reason I agreed to earlier in the day, even though I hate Chinese food) and it was actually pretty good.  He got us Moo Shu Pork, which I had never had before, but I really liked it.  So hey, yay for that!!!  I inquired on what he was going to make if he had gotten off earlier, and here is where I knew my feelings would not change about him.  His response was this: “It’s a surprise for next time…if there is a next time…I mean if you want to hang out again.”  AHHHHHH!!!  Why am I ridden with completely insecure men?!  I must have some invisible sign on my forehead that says, “If you’re insecure, please be ridiculously attracted to me!!”  I cannot express how much I despise men who come off as insecure – it’s SO unattractive!!  Anyways, this comment so early in the night pretty much set the mood for the entire night.

After dinner, I suggested a movie, because I didn’t know what else to do.  If it was someone I was super into, the suggestion would probably be more along the lines of sex (or at least headed in that direction).  We ended up watching American Wedding since he hates scary movies and that’s what I wanted to watch (seriously…who the fuck hates scary movies?!  You know who hates scary movies…losers.).  It was actually a pretty good movie.  Sometime during the movie, he kissed me a couple of times, and then at one point he tried bringing me on his lap which I refused.  Haha.  Okay, that’s not really funny, that’s kind of a dick move on my part.  But I just wasn’t feeling it.  After the movie was done, we talked for a bit about random stuff…and here’s where he fucked himself over once again by telling me maybe I should find a Hispanic/Latino guy since I loved Mexican food and thought Hispanic women were beautiful…seriously??  Are you TRYING to push me away??  Besides, I already found one, “Mr. Big (Present)” – he just needs to stop being dumb.  Anyways, after about an hour I was super tired and I could tell he was too, so I opted to call it a night.  We did make the realization that it was 30 minutes into this 26th birthday, so I wished him happy birthday and gave him a birthday kiss.  I also inquired as to why he didn’t go out with his friends for his birthday (I would have), to which he gave an awkward/lame excuse about not getting off early enough.  That didn’t really make sense considering he got off at 8 and that’s not really that late….anyways…What’s super sweet is that he did offer me his guest bedroom to sleep in if I didn’t want to drive, but I thought that would be super awkward all-together so I just drove home.  He walked me to my car, we made out a little bit, and then I went home.  The End.  Completely anti-climactic.

*Positives: He’s a complete sweetheart, total gentleman, really good to converse with, he’s cute (if I said he was better looking in my previous entry, I change my mind, he’s just okay), laid back, easy to get along with

*Negatives: His insecure side is slowly coming out, I can’t tell if he’s just a bit socially awkward or if I make him nervous (or maybe it’s a combination of the two), and of course….*drum roll*…..I feel no butterflies with him whatsoever.  He doesn’t move me in any way, and I almost feeling like I’m forcing myself to hang out with him.  God that makes me sound like such a bitch…I don’t mean it that way.  I truly do enjoy hanging out with him, I just feel like I’m trying to force some feeling that isn’t there.  And it’s sad because everything else about him is great.  He doesn’t even obnoxiously blow up my phone constantly like some (most) guys do.  But even making out with him seems like I’m just in a movie, acting…no passion or feeling whatsoever.

So will I go on another date with him?  Probably.  I really, truly do enjoy hanging out with him…as a friend.  I think I need to make clear that things aren’t going to go anywhere between us before feelings get hurt.

Random: I love you, you’re perfect…just not right now.

(Side note: Ironically, I’m watching “The Bachelorette” finale while writing this (I’ve never watched this show before), so I apologize for anything grammatically incorrect and/or anything that doesn’t make sense or doesn’t sound like me whatsoever in the following entry)

…Or maybe you meet when the time isn’t right and find each other later??

This is an idea that’s ran through my thoughts for many, many years.  The idea of finding the perfect person for you – the person you’re meant to be with for the rest of your life, your soul mate….but at the wrong time of your life.  At a time where you’re not ready to settle down in any such way and are just wanting to experience everyone and everything, or at a time where you’re tied down to someone else, who you know is probably not someone you’re going to be with for the rest of your life, but fits your life for the moment.   With this, I also wonder if other people (especially guys I date) think about this idea as well.

When I was young and dumb and naive, I always thought that once you found the one, you found the one.  That was that.  You date for awhile, get engaged, then get married and live happily ever after forever and ever.  I never thought of the trials and tribulations that two people have to go through before they can decide that they’re meant to be together forever.  I also never thought of maybe meeting someone who is “the one”, but not realizing it till later in life, after having gone through other people (in some people’s cases, LOTS of other people), just to arrive at the person who has been there all along.

While I am still young and in some sense, still dumb and naive, I think my whole perspective about finding the one has most definitely changed from when I was younger.  Being the hopeless romantic that I am (damn those Disney movies that skewed reality for me), I’ve thought that plenty (and by plenty, I really mean just a few…like 3 or 4) of guys through my life could be “the one.”  I thought that that was that – I had finally met them.  Only to be dissuaded later on by some imperfection that I had initially disregarded and probably purposely chose to ignore.  But even with that being said, I still wonder if one of these guys are the one…I mean, how do I know one of them won’t come back to me in the future and confess their undying love for me?  Granted, when I am truly DONE with a guy, I’m done – I don’t ever want to have anything intimate with them ever again, and a friendship is not something I really desire either.  But, what if?  For the longest time, I really did think “Mr. Big (Past)” could have been the one, and I (stupidly) convinced myself that things weren’t working with us at the moment because we just weren’t ready to come to terms with that.  When I was finally done with him for good, that thought of him being “the one” ceased to cross my mind all-together.  But what if he truly is the one for me, but just came into my life at the wrong time?  What if we’re meant to be together later on in life?  It’s such an insane thing to think about.  With all that being said, as soon as “Mr. Big (Past)” and I were finished for good, a couple of his friends, who I had become fairly good friends with as well and were always so good to me, confessed to me that they had always had a thing for me and if it hadn’t been for “Mr. Big (Past)”, they would have pursued something with me.  So then that got me to thinking, what if one of them were actually the one and I was just so blinded to see it before?

Exactly, so instead of waiting around for The One, have fun and experience different things and different people!! =)

They always say that once you find the right person, you know it for a fact.  But I personally think that you have to go through a lot, both with and without a person (and both the positive and the negative) in order to figure out whether they’re the right one for you.  While I do believe some people are lucky enough to find their person without having to deal with the drama, agony, and frustration of dating around, the rest of us have to go through those tribulations in order to truly figure it out.

So…even with my blog and all the different men, the question still remains: do I think that one of these dates of mine could be The One??  Do I have an inkling that maybe me and one of these guys will end up together, forever, one day??  Is there something I’m not telling everyone and there’s actually someone I haven’t written about that I may think is the one??  I’ll leave it up to your imagination to decide the answer to this one….;-)

Date #19: “Doc”

How We Met:  We met last weekend at a bar that I frequent through a friend of a friend.  In all honesty, I wasn’t even wanting to go out that night because I had a busy work day the next day and all I wanted to do was go to sleep.  But I sucked it up, slapped on some makeup, made myself somewhat presentable, and went out.  The majority of the people I was meeting up with were not there yet, so when I got to the bar I only knew two people.  After getting a (free) drink from “Boss Man”, I went back to the group and started randomly talking to “Doc”.  Honestly, he seemed like the only person in the group who wasn’t ridiculously fucked up, so of course I was drawn to him.  We tried talking a bit, but it was extremely loud (duh, it’s a busy bar on a Friday night, what else do you expect?).  I did find out that he had just finished Med school and moved back 3 weeks ago to do his residency at a local hospital.  We were all supposed to go to the next bar together, but him and 3 other people decided to go one way, and me and the others decided to go another.  Before we parted ways, we exchanged numbers and I gave him a kiss on the cheek.  =)


*Physical Aesthetics: 9

*Appearance: 10

*Personality: 8

*Manners: 10

*Intelligence: 10

*Confidence: 7

*Overall Rating: 9

The Date: To be honest, I didn’t think I’d hear from “Doc”.  I don’t know why…nothing bad had happened, but I just didn’t think he’d actually talk to me again.  But Monday rolled around and I got a text from him asking if I wanted to go out on Tuesday for some drinks.  And of course I said yes!!!  I’m not partial to blondes (and even that is an understatement), but I thought he was extremely attractive and seemed like a really nice guy so I was excited to go out with him.  On a side note: this whole attraction to blonde guys is very new to me.  Don’t get me wrong, I’ve slept with blonde guys in the past, but a couple of years ago I lost interest in them all-together.  I can still find a blonde attractive, but I usually was never interested in them (to all the blonde ladies out there that read my blog: this “prejudice” against blondes is only for men, not you lovely ladies!!).  And then I started reading The Hunger Games.  And fell in love with Peeta (yes, I am aware that I am  in love with a fictional character).  And he just happens to be blonde.  I really think this is where my attraction to blonde men began again.  Sad, but true.

Anyways, back to my date.  So I was a complete jackass and was 30 minutes (if not more) late.  And I am NEVER late.  For anything.  It really wasn’t my fault though, two lanes of the highway right off the on-ramp were shut down due to an accident, which left everyone merging into one lane.  I felt awful, considering this was our first date and the fact that we barely knew each other.  Luckily (for me), he was completely understanding and wasn’t mad at me whatsoever.  I ordered drinks and we started chatting.

The conversation was great, we talked about everything from college (we got our undergrad at the same university) to traveling, to music, and even driving in traffic.  We had a LOT in common, from judging people we date based on whether they drive a stick or an automatic (I just feel like men should inherently know how to drive a manual) to loving The Beatles more than The Rolling Stones.  I was actually extremely surprised how much we had in common.  We even both proclaimed our nerdiness and how much we both love reading nerdy books.  We talked a lot about our jobs and what it is we want to do in the future.  I was extremely fascinated and impressed with the fact that someone so young (he’s not even a year older than me) could be so driven and passionate about a career choice that just seems, to me at least, to be so out of reach.  I mean, when I think doctor, I don’t think of a 20-something-year-old…I think more of an older person.  But I guess this just shows that I’m getting older, and unfortunately not doing much with my life.

We ended up just staying at this restaurant that we were at for the rest of the night, with a couple of drinks, enjoying the nice weather on the patio.  I offered to pay, especially because I felt so bad about being so late, but he took the bill right away and wouldn’t even let me look at it.  At the end of the night, he walked me to my car like a gentleman would, we maybe kissed a little (…more than a little, who am I kidding) and called it a night.

Honestly, “Doc” is everything a girl would want.  He’s handsome, he’s a true gentleman (he’s from the South, so completely polite in every sense of the word), he’s going to be a doctor in a few years, he has great taste in music, treated me like a fucking princess, can balance being the party boy with staying at home and keeping it calm.  But was I feeling it with him….not really.  :-/  Gosh, I wanted to SO badly…like, very much so.  But I feel like I’m in this weird funk with guys right now…I’m not sure how I feel about them at all.  Of course I love all my guy friends – always will no matter what.  Though when it comes to guys and dating, I’m just not sure.  I don’t hate them, like I previously stated in an earlier entry of mine…I just don’t know how to feel right now.

So I’ve decided that I am completely fucked up and something is wrong with me.  Who the hell wouldn’t be head over heels for a guy who is practically perfect in every sense of the word and treats a lady the way she deserves to be treated??  This girl.  Don’t get me wrong, I have every intention of hanging out with “Doc” again (his birthday is next week and he wants me to come out with him) and I do want to try dating him, because he is everything I want in a guy.  But I just wasn’t feeling any sparks; none of those butterflies you get when you truly like someone.  And I so badly wanted to feel that way.  =(

*Positives: Gosh, what’s NOT amazing about him?  He’s super handsome, has a great career ahead of him, has great taste in music, loves to travel, is super smart, well versed, a true Southern gentleman, loves whiskey (nothing like a man who loves whiskey…=)), he’s athletic,  knows how to balance partying and not partying, is great to converse with, is a bit of a nerd, clearly has enough patience for me to sit there for 30 minutes and wait for my late ass, and is practically my idea of a perfect guy.  He truly is a keeper.

*Negatives: He’s blonde, he’s a bit on the short side (which I guess isn’t saying much because I’m practically a midget..not really, but you get the idea), he was a bit shy/nervous (at least I felt he was), and I’m an idiot for not falling head over heels for him.  =(

Second Date?: Yes, yes, yes!!  We already discussed having to watch some nerdy movies together and hanging out again so I have no doubt in my mind that there will be a second date.  But the only problem is….will I fall for him??  He’s perfect for me (in theory), but why does my heart not agree with my mind…

Random: I’m Priceless…or Am I?

In hopes to reach my 50 dates by the end of the year, and since I’m extremely behind as it is, I’ve decided to try online dating.  If you have been following me throughout my journey, I’ve been contemplating with this idea for quite some time now (see previous entry regarding this).  I’m not very keen on the idea of meeting someone through something that is completely inorganic and completely impersonal…BUT as the saying goes, “don’t knock it till you try it.”  So I’m trying it.

Eventually, I want to have about 3-4 different profiles up on different websites.  I’ve heard that there are many differences between all the dating websites (i.e. OkCupid has a more mature feel, whereas Plenty of Fish has a younger, immature feel), so I’d like to experience all of the different websites.

As of now, I am currently signed up to one dating website at the suggestion of a friend.  Apparently it’s smaller than the others and is a start-up company.  She saw it and thought of me.  It’s called What’s Your Price.  Now, I wouldn’t really consider this your normal dating website since a person (called “The Attractive) is paid by another person (called “The Generous”) to go on a date with them.  It’s more so…a classier sort of escort service, to say the least.  How it works is either “The Generous” makes an offer to “The Attractive” or asks them how much they’d like in order to go on a date.  From there, “The Attractive” either accepts an offer, rejects an offer, or names their price.  “The Generous” cannot contact “The Attractive” further than making an offer until “The Attractive” accepts their offer.  If “The Attractive” accepts, messages can be sent to one another and dates can be set up.  There’s a whole bunch of rules regarding this type of dating, such as not soliciting for sex (no shit) and actually following through on the dates.  The only downside is that depending on the amount of the offer of “The Generous”, they are required to pay the website (in the form of credits) an allotted amount per conversation.  Granted, the website claims that this feature differentiates the ACTUAL generous people (a.k.a. gentleman) from the losers who were never really that generous from the get go, since a true generous would pay to talk to someone.

I made my profile a couple of nights ago and put up the prettiest pictures I could find of myself.  I figured, shit, if I’m getting paid for this, I might as well show these men myself at my best!!  I know that a bunch of my friends who have signed up for dating websites have run into people they know in person on it, but I didn’t expect that on this website since most of the people I know aren’t rich enough to pay anyone for a date haha.  But lo and behold, the first person I see on the website is this guy who my best friend “Tinky Winky Pooh Bear” went to prom with when we were sophomores in high school; he was in LOVE with her, would come to all our tennis games at school and  buy her stuff and everything.  But he was just so awkward.  I think they eventually lost touch and stopped talking all-together.  But it was most definitely weird seeing him on that website.  Hopefully he doesn’t remember me haha.  In searching the website, I also noticed (and am not surprised) that the majority of  “Generous” people are much older (mid-30’s to mid-40’s).  Makes sense, but I’ve always preferred the younger sort and men closer to my age, so this makes things a bit difficult.  Anyways, so far I have gotten offers for $20, $50, and $100 dates.  Sticking with my whole M.O. of not denying anyone this year, I accepted all 3 dates.  Not gonna lie, and it’s honestly not because of the money, but the $100 guy was the most appealing.  Unfortunately, two of them ($20 and $100) haven’t even read the messages I sent them and $50 has, but hasn’t responded.  So I’m not sure just how effective this website is for dating.

Either way, based on just this experience so far in online dating, I’m still not sold.  In writing my profile, I wasn’t even sure WHAT to write.  I’m almost certain I sound like a fucking idiot, and even worse in the messages I sent these men.  I don’t know…I think it’s just the idea of knowing that the only reason you are both trying to contact one another is for the purpose of dating that throws me off.  I will most definitely be joining another dating website in the near future, but I’m not sure how long my stint with these websites will last.  I do at least hope to score a few dates this way though!!

Random: Hello, I’m a Bitch, Nice to Meet You

So I was planning on writing about something completely different than what I am about to write, but this all happened last night and I thought it would be far more interesting.

I went out to the bars last night with some friends, and on my way back to my car (don’t worry, I don’t usually drink very much…just a drink or two with lots of time in between) I decided to stop by and see “Hollywood” (as has been the norm for the past 4 months).  Things were the same as usual, us just chatting about life and what not.  Then his boss, who I also talk to quite a bit (let’s call him “Hot Shot”), comes around and I start talking to him as well.  “Hot Shot” and I have already come to the understanding that we’re strictly friends and nothing will happen between us.  Well, at least we have for the time being….he did ask me when we were going to be together a couple of times not too long ago so who really knows.  Anywhoo….according to him, I am now one of the guys.  He was joking about wanting to just punch some random drunk girl straight in the face, which I told him was rude, when he decided that he thought it’d be funny to punch me.  NO, don’t worry, he didn’t not actually punch me haha.  I would have killed him.  Instead he played around and pretended he was going to, so we did this back and forth.  Now, I can’t remember if it was “Hot Shot” or “Hollywood” who started this, but they then started calling me a gremlin, which honestly, made me really sad because I don’t think I look like one.  =(  So then they kept calling me “Gremlin” as if it were my name; “Hollywood” especially made it a point to call me one and would push me away every so often, saying, “Go away Gremlin.”  I know they were joking, and “Hollywood” said it’s because when I get all pissy, I make a face like a gremlin, not because I actually look like one, but still.  He also made mention that gremlins are actually pretty cute, but that was not helping in any way.  Plus it’s almost that time of the month, so I’m being extremely sensitive.  Anyways, since he was being playfully (but still legitimately) mean, my feisty/bitchy side came out….

As sassy as she is, I’d like to think I don’t look like this….=(

While there is nothing wrong with my feisty side, there are many times that it may…offend those faint of heart.  Put feisty and PMSing all in one basket, I turn into a straight bitch sometimes…sometimes without realizing it and sometimes purposely doing so.  I tend to take people’s insecurities, blow it out of proportion, and use it against them.  This side usually only comes out with people I truly have feelings for (a.k.a. “Mr. Big (Past)”), but I’ve been good about it lately (for about a year and a half-ish) and have restrained myself.  Until last night.  So it really makes me wonder now how I actually feel about “Hollywood” since I was acting this way.  Anyways, here are the bitchy things I said/did to him:

  • Told him he was ugly many times, periodically throughout our conversation.  Everytime he tried saying, “No, I know I’m not ugly,” I would just be like “Yes, actually you are.”
  • I can’t remember if it was some girls ignoring him or girls flattering him, but he made mention of loving that type of attention.  So in response, I said, “Yeah, you would.  Insecure people usually do and you’re obviously extremely insecure.”  I think I hit a sore spot with this one because he ignored me a bit after this one…
  • Again, I can’t remember exactly what we were talking about, but made some comment of how I know he’s mad that I practically denied him (refer to his specific entry for this story) – which he laughed about, but I could tell it bothered him
  •  I started flirting with some guy (who had very pretty eyes, maybe he’ll be date #19??) who walked by the bar in front of “Hollywood”, gave the guy my number, and gave him a kiss on the cheek.  Granted, “Hollywood” was influencing this a little bit by telling the guy he should give me his number and what not.
  • I kicked/hit/slapped him a couple of times…granted, he instigated it, but I went for a lot of dick shots.
  • I ignored him a LOT and spoke to “Hot Shot” instead, inviting “Hot Shot” to come to the pool with me sometime in the next week
  • As I was watching him hit on girls (he claims it’s part of his job…which I guess is true), I told him he was awful at it…just plain pathetic.  Then he claimed that he doesn’t hit on girls, he just talks to them because that works better.  To this, I laughed and continued to call him pathetic.

I said all those things with a completely straight face, no joking whatsoever.  =)

While our dynamic has most certainly changed (i.e. where he used to not even really flirt with girls in front of me, now he does…A LOT, and where he used to act completely bothered when I flirted with guys around him, he is now okay with it…kinda), I still see things from before.  Such as when I was paying more attention to “Hot Shot” than him and inviting “Hot Shot” to come to the pool (he seriously lives like 5 min away from me, I had to), he made some comment after “Hot Shot” left that since he wasn’t there anymore, I was probably going to leave too, insinuating I have a thing for “Hot Shot”.  And when he heard me talking about “Mr. Big (Present)”, he looked really annoyed.

So yea, while I’m not sure what is our situation (nor do I really care at the moment), I do know that I hurt his ego a little last night.  Yay for me.  =)  What I do know though is…and this is completely random…but going back to my entry about Geminis, he’s a Sagittarius, which makes us complimentary opposites….