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“I like you. Do do you like me? Check yes, no, or maybe.”

When we were all younger, innocent and naive to the world, we would write notes that said this to the ones we liked on 3-hole punched lined paper (does that still exist??), in hopes that they would check the box marked “yes.”  God, if only life and relationships were really THAT easy…

doyoulikeme

So this has to be my biggest downfall in dating/relationships, and I’m hoping I am not the only one out there with this issue.  But I HAVE A PROBLEM TELLING GUYS I LIKE THEM.  Seriously.  It’s an issue.

Once upon a time, I used to be really good at it.  After a couple of weeks or so, I would tell a guy just how I felt about him.  Now, I’m not saying I got the response I wanted all the time, but I was at least able to do it.  Now, having been hurt so many times, I’m so scared of ruining whatever is going on with a guy, that I’m too scared to straight up tell a guy I like him and I just continue with whatever is going on at the moment.  Which is both great and horrible at the same time.

Reasons Why It’s Great:

-There’s usually  no drama

-No one is ever angry at the other for misunderstandings

-Going with the flow usually makes things easier and there’s no pressure or expectations

-The “awkward conversation” (as I like to call it) never has to happen

-I never get rejected

Reasons Why It’s Horrible:

-Guys never realize I actually like them (in my head, guys should just assume I like them if I act a certain way around them…stupid I know)

-I end up hurting myself by overthinking things and making things up in my head

-If I talk (a.k.a. flirt) with another guy, the guy I like automatically thinks I’m a whore or that I’m not serious about him which then leads to…

-Him finding a girlfriend.  Who isn’t me.

-Some things go on longer than they ever should

-I never know where I stand with a guy or what I can/can’t/should/shouldn’t do, as far as being able to date other men at the same time or not

-Someone usually gets hurt…and that someone is usually me.

ilikeyou

Oh if only real life had a Facebook like button…

As one can see, clearly the horrible reasons outweigh the great reasons.

So what I guess I’m trying to get at with this post is that I need a few pointers on growing some balls and telling a guy I like him.  Ladies, what are some of your tips on telling guys you like them??  Gentleman, how would you like a woman to tell you she likes you?  And don’t answer with, “Just straight up tell him,” because that doesn’t help the situation.  Also, hints and insinuations isn’t the answer here either, considering I do that constantly and still get nowhere.

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!!

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A New Theory on “Nice Guys” vs. “Bad Boys”

This is a topic that has been under contemplation for centuries….okay maybe not, but you know what I mean.  The age old saying of, “Nice guys finish last.”  I briefly wrote about this topic last year, and with it posted a video by the lovely Jenna Marbles, in which she makes some great points about the topic.  But today, I am going to enlighten you all with something I came up with on my own.  It’s something I’ve been thinking about as of late, since I have (or at least have attempted very greatly) transitioned from being the girl who always wanted the “bad boy” to the girl who only wants the “nice guy.”

Good vs. Bad

So here is my new theory: Girls want the “bad boys” because they know what they’re getting.  It’s the “nice guys” you have to watch out for, because you never know when they’re going to turn into an asshole out of nowhere.

You’re probably wondering where I got the idea for this theory.  I could make it sound profound, and say I was inspired by a writer such as Sappho with her ambiguous sexuality or even Shakespeare, with all his romantic tragedies.  Alas, the real answer is Captain Jack Sparrow from “Pirates of the Caribbean.”  Yep.  He said the following quote:

  “Me? I’m dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly. It’s the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they’re going to do something incredibly… stupid.”

I’ve simply applied this lovely little quote to the dichotomy of “bad boys” vs. “nice guys” and I think it works out pretty nicely.  Here’s the breakdown:

-With “bad boys”, you can always expect them to be bad.  You expect them to be a jackass to you and you never expect them to do anything nice.  While it’s sad to know that a guy will never treat you right, it becomes expected and you know what you’re getting.  They’re mean to you, don’t treat you well, never answer you when you try to contact them, and you’re almost always fighting with them about one thing or another.   On occasion out of the blue, they will do something very sweet or actually treat you the way you deserve.  And you feel surprised, and a bit shocked, and maybe even honored.  But then just as fast as that unexpected bout of niceness came, they’re back to being a complete asshole.  This is a guaranteed thing.  Example of this: “Mr. Big (Past)”

Ohhhhh yeahhhhh

Ohhhhh yeahhhhh

-With “nice guys”, you really don’t know what you’re going to get.  They’re great – they treat you well, are super nice to you, almost always respond to your calls and texts (because in the girl world, we really do associate this with “nice guys”), they make you feel super comfortable and the term “fights” is not one that you use in your vocabulary with this type of guy.  You’re 100% convinced you finally found a good one who you don’t have to worry about.  But you can never predict when they’re all of a sudden going to turn into a giant asshole.  You get so comfortable with them being nice that when they all of a sudden turn into an asshole, it’s a bit devastating – especially to the ego.  So maybe, they never really were a “nice guy” to begin with, but they just hid it very well??  Examples of this: “Mr. Big (Present)”, “Box Office Hipster” (I haven’t written about him yet, but I will), “Hollywood” (though I think a lot of his issues is that he’s super insecure)

Gosh I wish someone would do all those things for me...for reals....

Gosh I wish someone would do all those things for me…for reals….

So yeah, that’s just my new theory about the whole “Bad Boys” vs. “Nice Guys” dichotomy.

But here’s another question I have for you all….why don’t you ever hear anything about “Bad Girls” vs. “Nice Girls”??  I mean, it’s definitely out there, but discussions about it aren’t as prevalent.  Why is that??

Just some thoughts….;-)

Random: My Sex Bucket List (and updates) (and a question for you!)

Sorry I’ve been  MIA lately.  I haven’t been going on dates, so don’t think you’re missing out on anything that I haven’t written about.  I’m not sure really what I’ve been doing….I guess I’ve been working.  And catching up with friends.  And just living in general.  Ya know.  I’m a pretty boring person.  I haven’t really been in the  mood to go on dates either.  I’ve gotten a bunch of “Winks” on What’s Your Price  lately, but I’ve just been ignoring them.  I’m really over it.  In fact, I think I’m going to delete my profile from there soon.  Like right now, actually.

truetruetrue

Yep. Pretty much the majority of the guys I’ve spent any extended period of time with.

Anyways, as we all know, my goal this year was to go on a date with 50 different guys.  Unfortunately, the year ends in about 9 days and I’ve only gotten to 34 (35 will most likely happen with my potential “TOWWETB” but more on that later).  I mean, there’s still a chance that 16 different guys will want to go on a date with me in the next few days, but the chances are highly unlikely.  Either way, I have no intentions of doing my final write up for my blog until the end of the year, so as of now, it’s still on!!

I think part of the reason why I am not very interested in going on anymore dates is because of my potential “TOWWETB”.  He’s still only a potential because we haven’t gotten to that point of figuring out exactly what it is we are or want to be and all that emotional, scary, I-might-run-away-if-we-have-that-talk stuff.  Yes, I realize I am fucked up when it comes to that stuff in more ways than one.  As much as I would love to tell you all about him, 1.) We haven’t gone on an official date that meets the criteria of this blog yet so I feel I shouldn’t write about him just yet and 2.) I don’t want to jinx anything.  I will say that things with him definitely feel different than with all the other guys I’ve gone on dates with this year, and that different feeling is a good one.  So maybe this one might just work out.  🙂

As far as the question for you all, again as I’ve said previously, the end of the year is approaching.  The whole idea behind my blog was to go on 50 dates with 50 different guys this year and write about them.  But what to do after the year is over??  Miss Jane Champagne had a great suggestion to amend the 50 dates part and just continue to write about my dating life and my dates in general, which I think is probably what I’m going to end up doing.  I was also thinking about just starting a new blog in conjunction with this one, still about dating but just about my dating life in general instead of a specific goal.  And then I had the idea of sticking with the 50 dates idea, but this time making it 50 guys from each and every state here in the U.S….so like one guy from each state.  So I want to hear from you all…what would you like to see me do??  I could make this more of a general dating blog and just write about my dates and about my dating life in general, guys from my past, silly things I think we all do in dating, etc.  Or I could stick with the 50 and do it again next year if I still haven’t found someone.  Please let me know, I appreciate any and all feedback!!

Okay and now for the exciting part of this post…my Sex Bucket List.  🙂

Let's talk about sex babbbyyyy

This is honestly something I’ve been thinking about for awhile, and unfortunately most of the men I am ever with are not as adventurous as me so I haven’t been able to live out this list.  I guess I’m somewhat of an exhibitionist, for lack of a better word, when it comes to this because I totally get excitement from the idea of having a sexual rendezvous in not-so-normal, semi-public places.  The only exciting places I’ve ever done anything are on a golf course near the 18th hole and in the back of a bar where they store kegs.  So here is my list of places I would like to get it on:

*Beach…not really out of the norm, but I haven’t done it yet, so I count it.

*Tennis Court

*Church Confessional…I think I’m going to hell for even saying this one.

*The Stacks at Norlin

*At the Gym…specifically my gym

*In a Limo

*In an Airplane

*In a Dressing Room (preferably at Victoria’s Secret)

*On Stage…not with everyone watching or anything, just on a stage at a theater of sorts

*Somewhere extremely cold…like one of those ice bars or in a walk in freezer

*In a BDSM club…just once – just to say I have done it

Hopefully one day, I find someone just as adventurous as myself.  In the meantime, I’ll just keep looking!  😉

Random: My Man Bucket List

This was a topic given to me by my friend Michelle (she doesn’t have a blog that I know about, otherwise I’d tag her in it.  She’s also already commented on here with her first name, otherwise I’d give her a nickname).  She asked me if I had a list of men I’d like to date just for fun, like a firefighter or an athlete.  And basically if there are any guys that I would like to date just for the sake of dating without actually ending up with them.

Honestly, I thought this idea was genius and just so much fun!!  So of course I have to write about it!  I’ve gotta say, I’ve dated a lot of types of guys that I just wanted to date for fun already.  But I’ve definitely contemplated in the past the types of men I would like to date for fun, so here is a compilation of what I’ve come up with.  And I will try to make it realistic (i.e. I’m not going t put Brad Pitt or something):

  • The Alphabetical Hook-Up List: I actually saw this book title and thought it was interesting.  I’m not going to lie, I haven’t read the book.  But I really liked the concept of what they were getting at.  I’m not sure exactly what the book entails as a “hook-up,” but I’ve made my version a little bit more chaste.  My goal in life before I get married (if that ever happens…and frankly at the rate things are going, its not going to happen) is to kiss at least one guy whose name begins with each letter of the alphabet.  I’m doing pretty well so far, but I am missing the following letters: F, H, O, Q, U, V, X and Y.  So if you’re a male out there who lives here and your name begins with one of those letters, please contact me and come makeout with me.  It would just make my day.
A, B, C, D, E, F, G...

A, B, C, D, E, F, G…

  • A Drummer: As I’ve listed before, I LOVE musicians.  I am SO drawn to them in every way possible.  I’ve honestly dated some musicians purely on the fact that they were musicians – nothing else.  I’ve gone for singers, pianists, guitarists, bassists….but I’ve never had any relations with a drummer.  I think drumming is so sexy and I myself would love to get basic drumming lessons, so I think I could kill two birds with one stone here.  Again, if you’re a drummer out there, please contact me so we can get together!
  • A Really Pretty Guy: You all know what I mean.  A guy who is so attractive, that both men and women come from afar just to stare at him and blush when they see him.  Think a Christian Grey type character (oh ya, I went there…but my idea for this was not inspired by the book).  A guy that’s 100% hotter than me in every such way and that people would look at us and be like, “Oh, who is that troll dating that God?”  I would LOVE to date a guy like that one day, just to know what it feels like to date someone that pretty.  Would I be jealous?  Would I become more vain and pay more attention to my own looks? I most definitely know plenty of really pretty gentleman, but unfortunately (or maybe not so unfortunate) they’re married.  Although I know they would cheat in a heartbeat, I’m not looking to be a home-wrecker so I’ll have to just pass on them and find myself a pretty one.
Yep, I want someone this vain.

Yep, I want someone this vain.

  • A Guy Completely Opposite of Myself: So basically a super introverted, anti-social, and quiet person who enjoys being a homebody more so than doing anything outside of the house.  Maybe someone with no hobbies except for computer games and anime.  Yeah, I would like to date a guy like that sometime.  Just to pick his brain.  And maybe try and boost his ego.  This would definitely be a fixer upper for me, so I’m not too sure if that would be a good thing or not.
  • An Indian Guy: Really, I just love Indian food and I would want him (or his mother) to make me some.  And maybe someone dance to some authentic Bollywood music with.  But I guess I have “Indian Warrior” in my life, and besides the fact that she’s a girl, she still has the other qualities I want in an Indian.  So maybe I’ll just stick with her.
  • Bruno Mars: Seriously, this is not unrealistic.  He sings, I sing.  He’s half my people.  He’s short, I’m short.  He does cocaine, I would let him do cocaine off my body.  He’s funny, I love funny men.  He dances, I dance.  We’re like a match made in heaven…he’s probably “Locked Out of Heaven” because he hasn’t met me yet.  We DID make eye contact at his concert, especially when he sang his songs to me and only me.  But yes, anyways, I want him.  I have family moving to Hawaii, so I’m hoping they run into his family and then we can all be introduced.  Then he’d ask me, “Is it the look in your eyes, or is it this dancing juice?  Who cares baby, I think I want to marry you.”  The end.
Ohhh yeahhhhh

Ohhh yeahhhhh

Well, that’s my list.  I’m sure I could think of others, but that’s pretty much my main Man Bucket List.

Random: Why Sometimes “Games” Are Necessary

In dating and at the beginning of relationships, it’s the one thing we all love to hate.  We go on and on about how much we hate playing games with people and hate how people play games with us, yet at the end of the day, we find ourselves playing them too.  In fact, I can personally say for myself if there isn’t a little bit of a chase and a little bit of uncertainty at the very beginning, I’m probably not going to be interested.  Obviously, if two people are already in a relationship and games are still being played, that just makes the game player in that relationship an asshole and they probably shouldn’t be in a relationship to begin with.

Anyways, what I’m trying to get at here is my belief that there are instances when playing “the game” (or games in general) is necessary.  I’m not saying I condone it to the fullest degree; only on certain occasions and in certain situations.  I honestly didn’t even consider this a topic to write about until I exchanged a couple of text messages with “Snoop” earlier in the day in which I believe further proves that games need to be played in some instances.  So I’ve come up with a (short) list of situations I believe need some game play.

1.) When They’re Just Not Getting It… Here is where my example with “Snoop” comes in.  I was going to just feature these texts in my He Said What?! section, but I felt the need to further explore these texts and analyze them.  Note that these texts were sent to me after I had already ignored some of his previously forward (in my opinion) texts and had been somewhat short with him (my commentary in parenthetical and texts written verbatim, as always):

“Snoop”: I was thinkin about u just wantd 2 check up on u…I really just wantd 2 say i like u and i want u 😉  (definitely not what I’m wanting to see at 10am when I had just gotten home from a flight from the West coast in which I had gotten drunk the previous night, was still drunk during my flight, and was VERY slowly sobering up/becoming hungover)

-Moi: I’m sorry, you’re a cool guy and all, but I am not interested in you in that way.  I apologize if I made you think otherwise.  But I would like to be friends. (Note my impeccable spelling and grammar…;-))

-“Snoop”: Thats fine.  I am attractd 2 u.  I really meant like a joke….But friends is fine..I want 2 get 2 kno u..I’m not the type 2 make a decsion like that…Its frm the boondocks if u watch the sho (Really?  Way to completely retract what you had initially said and to assume that I even know what Boondocks is…the only Boondocks I know is “The Boondock Saints” and that’s a whole other story)

In this instance, as one can see, I had straight up told this gentleman I was not interested.  Even though we had had a great date, I’m just not attracted to him in a sexual way.  Before I had told him that I was not interested in him, I had ignored a couple of text messages and gave him short, but still cordial, responses.  I never indicated any attraction whatsoever.  When I told him straight up that I was not interested, I get some weird response back.  First off, although he truly may have been joking, would a guy really send that to a girl he barely knows that he’s obviously attracted to if he was just joking?  No.  Secondly, why preface “it was a joke!” with “I am attracted to you?”  Is it just me, or does that not make sense?  And if you read it in a different way, it’s almost as if he’s saying he meant that he was attracted to me as a joke??

Anyways, as far as game play with this one, since I’ve already told him how I feel and was straight up, the only thing I can think of to deter him from myself is to either tell him I have a boyfriend, or if I see him out ever, aggressively flirt with someone else.

2.) When I Really Like Someone, But Am Too Scared to Become Vulnerable... I know, this one sounds both weird and selfish.  And yes, it is both of those 100%.  I’m not saying this so that people will be like, “Oh poor girl, she’s just always getting hurt!  I pity her!”  I’m saying this because it’s the truth.  I get hurt.  A lot.  I guess you could say I have the unfortunate characteristic of caring far too much for people who maybe don’t care about me as much or are unwilling to express their care for me.  As I’ve said numerous times, I don’t find a connection with men very often, so when I do, I truly fall hard.  And in falling hard comes the caring.  But it’s to the point where I feel like I’ve been hurt so much that I am terrified of it happening again and one day just falling apart completely.  So when I really like a guy, I tend to act like I don’t like him.  For example, we may have spent the previous night all over each other, but if I see him the next day, I’ll be distant.  Sometimes I’ll barely even talk to the guy and maybe will even flirt with other guys in front of him, including his friends.  Obviously, this has it’s downfalls (big downfalls), but it’s my way of keeping myself from getting attached to a guy.  It doesn’t always work, but it certainly does help.  So yes, this one is a very selfish reason as to why to play games, but it helps keep my heart in one piece.

3.) When I’m Not 100% Sure How a Guy Feels About Me…If you’ve been reading my blog, you’ll know that in my past, I’ve always put my eggs in one basket.  If I really liked a guy, even without knowledge of how he felt about me,  it was all about him, even if I would still go around and flirt with other guys.  Even if I chatted it up with other guys, that one guy would always be in the back of my head.  I’m a really social and flirty person, so for me, flirting is basically like saying hello.  Anyhoo, I’ve gotten to the point where I’ve decided keeping my options completely open is the best way for me.  I guess this wouldn’t really be considered playing games, but in some ways it kind of is…depending on who you ask.  And what I mean by completely open is talking to all guys and every guy who crosses my path.  For example, while I think I do have a connection with “TOWWETB” (we still haven’t gone on an official date…I’m working on it), I’ve also been talking to “Mr. Big (Present)” a bit (yes, even though he has a girlfriend…I told you I’m keeping my options open!) and still have my eye on my guy(s) at the gym, amongst other men.  Obviously, if things were to really progress with one of these men and I knew that he really did like me and only me, I would cut ties to all these other men.  But until I am 100% sure about how a guy feels about me, I’m going to be keeping my options wide open…so any takers out there??  😉

Random: I Think I May Have Found “TOWWETB”??

🙂

So this will probably be my shortest post on here, since I really don’t want to jinx anything.  I was going to do an update post, but I thought this would be more appropriate since it’s the current situation.

Anyways, we haven’t gone on an official date yet, so I can’t really write my usual write up about this one.  But I think a certain gentleman I have been hanging out with a lot lately may be “The One Who Will End This Blog”, although that won’t be his nickname when (and if) I write about him.  I will say that it was definitely unexpected and most certainly not who I ever imagined it could possibly be, but I will be happy if it is.  I haven’t felt this way in a really long time (not since “Mr. Big (Present)”), and even my feelings for this one might possibly be rivaling that of “Mr. Big (Present)”.  I won’t lie, he doesn’t fit every single characteristic that I desire in a man (click here for that list), but something just feels right when we’re together.  Plus, he was kind of the one who initiated everything.  Obviously, I helped in it too (I tend to randomly make out with guys…), but I’ll give him most of the credit.  Again, I can’t go into detail about this either because 1.) We haven’t gone out on an official date yet and 2.) I don’t want to jinx things.  I will say that I have known him for quite some time and that this is the first time I have ever seen him in a different light other than just as a friend.  And I’m not sure why I never considered it before, but now that the opportunity is on the table, it might just work out.  As always though, part of me is scared because we have  A LOT of mutual friends, and if something were to happen I wouldn’t want things to get weird.  I’m also scared that maybe I’m just some girl that he thinks is pretty and he just wants to get some (this is an unfortunate trend I find myself in a lot more than I desire).  Granted, we were friends first and foremost – not super close or anything, but friends nonetheless.  So I’m hoping this isn’t just some “Let’s be fuck buddies, but just that, and never anything else because I would never date you and I don’t really give a shit about you” type deals.  So I guess we’ll see what ends up happening!!  Even though things seem to be heading in the “blog ender” direction, things are still uncertain so….

In the meantime, don’t think I’m just going to give up on getting to 50 Dates!!!!  😉  I’m far from putting all my eggs in one basket!  Here is a list of men that I will eventually (hopefully) get around to going on a date with.  They’re all potentials who I know are most definitely interested in going on a date with yours truly:

*Guy at the gym who I’ve been staring at (and he’s been staring back at me) for the past 4+ months – no, we still haven’t spoken.  I know, I fail.

*Waiter that I met last week who dealt with me and my crazy, beautiful friends from the gym…and it turns out he also goes to our gym!

*Guy that my boss set me up with

*A few guys from What’s Your Price (though I’m not really looking forward to any of those)

*A guy who used to date one of my old roomies who has had some sort of attraction to me ever since they broke up and I keep bumping into him at random bars

*AN OLDER GENTLEMAN CO-WORKER OF MINE WHO HAS SAID NUMEROUS TIMES HE IS GOING TO TAKE ME OUT AND SHOW ME JUST HOW GREAT OLDER MEN REALLY ARE, BUT EVERY TIME I INQUIRE ABOUT IT, HE IGNORES IT!!  (Yes, I know you know who you are!!!)

*A guy who works at my place of occupation (but isn’t a co-worker of mine…at least not directly) who is just a super lovely person

*A guy I met at a private party I worked last week

*Possibly a guy who I went to high school with

So yes, I have a few potential dates that I could possibly make happen.  And I will most definitely try to make them all happen.  But with my potential “TOWWETB” in the picture, any motivation to go on these dates is looking slimmer by the minute….

Random: An Insight Into My Dating Life (Story #2)

(This is the second story in a series of stories I am calling “An Insight Into My Dating Life.”  For the first story, click here. )

Here is yet another glimpse of my past dating life for you all to enjoy.  I’m going to take you all back in time, when things were much simpler, and the only thing to worry about was whether you were going to get a McDonald’s Happy Meal for dinner that night or not, and whether your toy was the girl toy or the boy toy (hehe, boy toy…).  Follow me back down memory lane, to the land of Dionysus (for those of you who don’t follow metaphors, a.k.a. Napa Valley), where I met my very first crush….

I remember it like it was yesterday.  I was in kindergarten, and he was in 1st grade.  I would be lying if I said I could remember the first time I laid eyes on him, but his sheer existence was magical for me.  I would see him during lunch, drinking his V8, thinking how handsome he was drinking it.  I would see him on the playground for recess, hanging out with his friends.  Since there is absolutely no chance of him reading this (and even if he somehow found this, he probably wouldn’t realize it was about him), I will use his real name, Richard.

I would stare at Richard everyday at lunch and recess and get giggly about him.  My best friend at the time knew about my little crush on him, so I would talk to her about it.  Finally, Valentine’s Day came around – the holiday where (apparently in my mind) you confess your love for another and you live happily ever after.  My best friend (or maybe it was me, shit this was awhile ago I can’t remember) came up with the idea to write him a card that said “I love you” on it.  So during recess, we stayed behind for a little bit in the classroom.  I took some construction paper and a marker and wrote a card that said “To: Richard, Love: Leslie” and on the front I drew some hearts and wrote “I Love You.”  I was pretty proud of myself.  The only problem now was giving it to him.

A trait that I find myself still carrying around to this day is being too chicken to tell a guy how I feel.  I’ll make every excuse in the book and stall until finally it just explodes out of me.  So yes, this is exactly what happened with Richard.  My best friend was with me and kept telling me to just give him the card, but I didn’t know how to.  So I contemplated for what seemed like an eternity (maybe only like 30 minutes) on how I was going to go about doing this.  I kept following him around at a far distance on the playground, trying to find the exact moment to give him the card.  I ended up just throwing it at him and running away.  At first I was so proud of myself…a bit embarrassed, but nonetheless proud.  I continued to play on the playground with my friend.  But of course, no happy story (at least in my love life) has a happy ending.

As soon as he read the card, he began to show his friends.  Word soon spread around the playground that I had written this Richard fellow a card confessing my love to him.  And the teasing began….horrible, cruel, Richard-and-Leslie-sitting-in-a-tree type teasing.  All these other kids started following me around, chasing me, screaming, “Leslie loves Richard!  Leslie loves Richard!”  Even some of the other girls in my class (not my best friend of course) started teasing me (stupid bitches).  All the kids surrounded me and kept teasing me, and I started crying, trying to push them all away.  Of course, Richard was clearly a dick even at this age because he didn’t do anything about it.  I basically threw a huge fit and was hysterical for the rest of recess, to the point that my 8th grade buddy had to be summoned to calm me down (what an angel).  I was pretty upset for the rest of the day, humiliated that my confession of love turned into a mockery amongst my peers.

This is exactly what I felt like…only mine was more teasing that this girl is enduring.

I honestly can’t remember what happened right after my confession.  I can’t remember if I still liked him or not.  I do remember seeing him again after summer vacation when I was in 1st grade and he was in 2nd grade and thinking to myself, “Ew he’s not cute, I can’t believe I thought he was cute.  He’s ugly!”  Yep, even at an early age, I was already shallow.

So what happened to Richard??   Well after 1st grade, I moved so I never talked to him again.  I think when I was 20, I went back to visit and my former best friend had informed me that apparently he had come out….yes, as in he is gay.

As much as I love gay men (and all men really, but especially gay men), I don’t want to date them or have sex with them and I’m pretty sure they feel the same about me.  So I decided that this incident cursed me for life and this is why I’ve had bad luck with men ever since I can remember.  It makes sense why I have a hard time straight up telling guys how I feel and why I hint at it, hoping they’ll just know.  Boom.