Archive | November 2012

Random: Why Sometimes “Games” Are Necessary

In dating and at the beginning of relationships, it’s the one thing we all love to hate.  We go on and on about how much we hate playing games with people and hate how people play games with us, yet at the end of the day, we find ourselves playing them too.  In fact, I can personally say for myself if there isn’t a little bit of a chase and a little bit of uncertainty at the very beginning, I’m probably not going to be interested.  Obviously, if two people are already in a relationship and games are still being played, that just makes the game player in that relationship an asshole and they probably shouldn’t be in a relationship to begin with.

Anyways, what I’m trying to get at here is my belief that there are instances when playing “the game” (or games in general) is necessary.  I’m not saying I condone it to the fullest degree; only on certain occasions and in certain situations.  I honestly didn’t even consider this a topic to write about until I exchanged a couple of text messages with “Snoop” earlier in the day in which I believe further proves that games need to be played in some instances.  So I’ve come up with a (short) list of situations I believe need some game play.

1.) When They’re Just Not Getting It… Here is where my example with “Snoop” comes in.  I was going to just feature these texts in my He Said What?! section, but I felt the need to further explore these texts and analyze them.  Note that these texts were sent to me after I had already ignored some of his previously forward (in my opinion) texts and had been somewhat short with him (my commentary in parenthetical and texts written verbatim, as always):

“Snoop”: I was thinkin about u just wantd 2 check up on u…I really just wantd 2 say i like u and i want u 😉  (definitely not what I’m wanting to see at 10am when I had just gotten home from a flight from the West coast in which I had gotten drunk the previous night, was still drunk during my flight, and was VERY slowly sobering up/becoming hungover)

-Moi: I’m sorry, you’re a cool guy and all, but I am not interested in you in that way.  I apologize if I made you think otherwise.  But I would like to be friends. (Note my impeccable spelling and grammar…;-))

-“Snoop”: Thats fine.  I am attractd 2 u.  I really meant like a joke….But friends is fine..I want 2 get 2 kno u..I’m not the type 2 make a decsion like that…Its frm the boondocks if u watch the sho (Really?  Way to completely retract what you had initially said and to assume that I even know what Boondocks is…the only Boondocks I know is “The Boondock Saints” and that’s a whole other story)

In this instance, as one can see, I had straight up told this gentleman I was not interested.  Even though we had had a great date, I’m just not attracted to him in a sexual way.  Before I had told him that I was not interested in him, I had ignored a couple of text messages and gave him short, but still cordial, responses.  I never indicated any attraction whatsoever.  When I told him straight up that I was not interested, I get some weird response back.  First off, although he truly may have been joking, would a guy really send that to a girl he barely knows that he’s obviously attracted to if he was just joking?  No.  Secondly, why preface “it was a joke!” with “I am attracted to you?”  Is it just me, or does that not make sense?  And if you read it in a different way, it’s almost as if he’s saying he meant that he was attracted to me as a joke??

Anyways, as far as game play with this one, since I’ve already told him how I feel and was straight up, the only thing I can think of to deter him from myself is to either tell him I have a boyfriend, or if I see him out ever, aggressively flirt with someone else.

2.) When I Really Like Someone, But Am Too Scared to Become Vulnerable... I know, this one sounds both weird and selfish.  And yes, it is both of those 100%.  I’m not saying this so that people will be like, “Oh poor girl, she’s just always getting hurt!  I pity her!”  I’m saying this because it’s the truth.  I get hurt.  A lot.  I guess you could say I have the unfortunate characteristic of caring far too much for people who maybe don’t care about me as much or are unwilling to express their care for me.  As I’ve said numerous times, I don’t find a connection with men very often, so when I do, I truly fall hard.  And in falling hard comes the caring.  But it’s to the point where I feel like I’ve been hurt so much that I am terrified of it happening again and one day just falling apart completely.  So when I really like a guy, I tend to act like I don’t like him.  For example, we may have spent the previous night all over each other, but if I see him the next day, I’ll be distant.  Sometimes I’ll barely even talk to the guy and maybe will even flirt with other guys in front of him, including his friends.  Obviously, this has it’s downfalls (big downfalls), but it’s my way of keeping myself from getting attached to a guy.  It doesn’t always work, but it certainly does help.  So yes, this one is a very selfish reason as to why to play games, but it helps keep my heart in one piece.

3.) When I’m Not 100% Sure How a Guy Feels About Me…If you’ve been reading my blog, you’ll know that in my past, I’ve always put my eggs in one basket.  If I really liked a guy, even without knowledge of how he felt about me,  it was all about him, even if I would still go around and flirt with other guys.  Even if I chatted it up with other guys, that one guy would always be in the back of my head.  I’m a really social and flirty person, so for me, flirting is basically like saying hello.  Anyhoo, I’ve gotten to the point where I’ve decided keeping my options completely open is the best way for me.  I guess this wouldn’t really be considered playing games, but in some ways it kind of is…depending on who you ask.  And what I mean by completely open is talking to all guys and every guy who crosses my path.  For example, while I think I do have a connection with “TOWWETB” (we still haven’t gone on an official date…I’m working on it), I’ve also been talking to “Mr. Big (Present)” a bit (yes, even though he has a girlfriend…I told you I’m keeping my options open!) and still have my eye on my guy(s) at the gym, amongst other men.  Obviously, if things were to really progress with one of these men and I knew that he really did like me and only me, I would cut ties to all these other men.  But until I am 100% sure about how a guy feels about me, I’m going to be keeping my options wide open…so any takers out there??  😉