…And This is Why I Don’t Like Falling for Guys….

Well, I seem to be joining the trend of many of the people here in the dating blog community.

I finally grew some balls and put everything (that might be an exaggeration, but it’s everything based on how I handle things) out on the table with “Future Hubby”.  Things have been rocky for awhile, which is partially why I haven’t made any updates.  I guess I just didn’t want to come to terms with the shitty way things were going.  The last time I saw him was on Super Bowl Sunday, and he wasn’t exactly the friendliest.  As I’ve mentioned before, we have a lot of mutual friends.  Basically everyone I partied with/hung out with in college is friends with him too.  I’m a bit closer to them than he is, but we still all hang out together on occasion.  Earlier that weekend, I had told all the guys that I wanted to watch the Super Bowl with them and I mentioned that they should invite “the neighbors” (a.k.a. “Future Hubby” and his roomie – they were neighbors to the guys I hang out with back in college).  I honestly didn’t think he’d be there and I figured I’d just text him when I got there and invite him to watch with us.  Well he was there.  And he was the first person to see me as I walked up to their table.  And he didn’t look happy to see me at all.

The entire time he was just really quiet, not very talkative, which really isn’t like him.  He’s a Gemini like me, and we’re all so very talkative.  Anyways, I tried talking to him a bit but he just looked peeved, so I did what I do best – I flirted with every other guy at the table.  I figured it wouldn’t matter anyways since they’re all our friends and he knows I don’t want any of them.  Plus he wasn’t being so friendly, and that’s what I do to retaliate.  Initially I don’t think he really cared, but by the end of the night I was getting comments like, “Yeah I’m SURE you know him” when I was talking to the only other girl at the table about a guy I know that she thought was hot (I wasn’t even talking to him…) and comments insinuating that I’m a whore.  Which is dumb, because he was talking to a girl he knew from a strip club for awhile, though he denied her pretty harshly when she asked him if he and the other guys wanted to go to the strip club.   Anyways, when he WAS talking to me, he was going against EVERYTHING I said.  I could have said the sky was blue, and I swear he would say it’s purple, just to antagonize me.  Let’s just say, the night didn’t end so happily for me.

This isn't our situation, I just thought it was an interesting situation.  Especially considering I have a hard time telling guys I like them.

This isn’t our situation, I just thought it was an interesting situation. Especially considering I have a hard time telling guys I like them.

The weekend before Valentine’s Day week, I ended up guest bartending at a bar/club downtown in which I told him if he came in I would give him free drinks.  He had sprained his ankle so he wasn’t going out at all that weekend.  I tried to get in touch with him the night after to see if he wanted to hang out, but of course no response.  Finally I get a response after asking if he was alive and I told him I would have offered to come over and hang out with him, but I was already at work.  All I got in response was, “I was fine.”  So clearly, he just wasn’t having it.  I decided to not speak to him during Valentine’s Day week, nor anytime thereafter.  Besides he was in Jackson Hole skiing with the fam.  Fast forward to now…basically I was just sick of not hearing from him and not knowing.  And I was watching The Biggest Loser and it was “Face Your Fears” week.  So I took a cue and faced my fear of telling people how I feel.  And this is how it went (keep in mind, his texts are emotionless…they always have been):

Moi: You said awhile back that you thought we should get to know each other and that we’ve never hung out somewhere that wasn’t a loud bar.  But I feel like lately every time I try to hang out with you, let alone talk to you, you either ignore me or make up some excuse.  So please just be honest with me, did you just say all that stuff because you were drunk or did you actually mean it??  (Thank you to Miss Jane Champagne for that last line…though I tweaked it a bit)

“Future Hubby”: I am just not interested right now

“Future Hubby”: (10 minutes later) I’m sorry, I just need to be honest with you (pretty sure that’s what I told you to do….)

Moi: Thank you for being honest.  I hope we can still hang out sometime as friends.

“Future Hubby”: Ya sure (I swear this isn’t sarcasm, that’s just really how he texts)

I was just going to leave it at that, but if you know me, I can’t leave things alone.  I’ve gotta drive a point behind everything and make people feel somewhat bad.  Or at least make them feel guilty.  So I ended it with this:

Moi: (40 minutes later) Just a tip for the future – don’t say things you don’t intend on following through with.  It’s mean.  And hurtful.

So yep.  That all happened.  On a side note, If you’re just going to comment some rude, hateful, “Of course he never liked you” bullshit, save your words and time.  I don’t need that right now.

So yes, I’m heartbroken.  I am glad, however, that I mustered up the courage to tell him how I felt, and I feel that was a huge stepping stone for myself.  I honestly expected him to flip shit (since a lot of men boys do), but he didn’t.  Because of this, I feel I can be honest with him about absolutely anything in the future (I mean, we ARE still friends, so we’ll have to see each other eventually).

Anyways, I cried a bit.  Texted some friends for support.  Cursed the guys that “Future Hubby” and I hang out with (I feel they are partially to be blamed by their single, blatantly-hitting-on-women-relentlessly ways…he’s not like that, but I know that behavior rubs off to a certain extent).  And that’s that.  I think in my heart of hearts, I knew that it wasn’t our time yet.  When you go from calling each other “hubby” and “wifey” to all of a sudden hooking up and seeing where things may go, and with so many people getting married and engaged, including people we both know, it’s a bit frightening.

I will say I am thankful for what little thing it was that we had together.  I still do care about him, but there’s nothing I can do about how he feels.  All I can hope for is a change of heart in the future.  Or for me to find someone else.

So for now, I’m going to work on me and just being happy again.  I just got a new job that I will be starting in 2 weeks and hopefully will be moving sooner rather than later.  And hopefully, all those wonderful positive things will keep my mind off the negative.  🙂

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19 thoughts on “…And This is Why I Don’t Like Falling for Guys….

  1. UGH. I’m so sorry that this happened to you, too! What the hell is in the air right now? I just want to punch all these men in the face!!!

    At least now you can move on to something more awesome, when you’re ready 🙂

    • Thanks lady. There is definitely something in the air right now!!! And actually, the fact that you said you want to punch all these guys in the face just gave me an idea for a new post hahaha. 🙂 I’ve definitely already got my eye on someone else, it’s just a matter of not being scared to talk to him….

  2. Pingback: Inspiring Blogger Award | Hi, My Name is Dax... and I'm a Dateoholic

  3. I’m sorry to hear that things ended up like this with him. I think it was brave of you to send your text and it sucks that you got that response. I hope that the next guy will be much more considerate.

    I do have one or two thoughts on things which you might try doing differently, but I don’t want them to come across as criticism when you’ve just had this happen so maybe I can save them for a future comment (and I don’t think they would have helped with this particular guy anyway.)

      • I don’t think that’s true or fair. I’ve commented on several of your posts and I think I was only critical of one of them (and with some justification in my opinion.)

        I was just going to say something about maybe picking guys who seem to be giving off an “I want a relationship” vibe. It’s not that this guy didn’t like you – he just doesn’t seem to be in that place in general. I think you’re partly apprehensive about telling guys how you feel because unfortunately you’re sometimes attracted to guys who just aren’t going to work out, not because of you but because of them. If you find a guy who is showing more consistency in his actions, and who seems to be showing you that he wants to make you a priority and wants you to be secure and to feel appreciated, then I imagine it might feel a lot easier to tell him that you like him too.

        None of this is meant to be a criticism, just in case there’s any room for misinterpretation.

        • Sorry it’s taken me awhile to get back to you, I’ve had a lot of things going on in my life.
          Anyways, you’re completely right. I definitely go for those guy who are just unavailable at the moment. I think I do it because I feel that the guys who give off the “I’m ready for a relationship” vibe never want what I want. I guess the best way to explain it is as such: I’m the type of girl who isn’t willing to give up my single ways for any guy, so what I want to find is a guy who will join me in my single ways, but still commit. Yes, I’m asking for a completely tall order, I’ve realized this. Haha. But I think that’s partially why I’m attracted to the inevitably unavailable guys – they remind me of myself in some ways. Kind of going back to that quote about finding someone to run wild with you in opposed to finding someone to tame you. Anyways, yeah that’s my whole spiel haha. And don’t worry, I didn’t take any of this as criticism, I actually fully agree with what you said. 🙂

  4. I think it was good that you laid it all out for him. I don’t think it’s healthy to keep your feelings in from someone you’re interested in. I’d rather have the sting of rejection or failure than keep thinking what-ifs.

    Sorry it came to this. I know how excited you were for him initially. It’ll get better soon. 🙂

    • I think it was good too. After doing it, I realized it wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. Plus, I think it helped that he actually responded, since a lot of guys I know would have just ignored me all together, ya know?

      Thank you for the kind words of encouragement. From what I know, you truly are a great guy. I do hope you find what you’re looking for soon. 🙂

  5. Hiya lil’ L. i once had a sprained ankle and no pretty lady with a hot sexy body like yours offered me any free drinks to aid my recuperation. He must be a cunt. Btw, is that television show The Biggest Loser similar to Tia Tequila’s show? I have no idea what TBL is all about but i liked Miss Tequila’s show where everybody fought to become her next boyfriend/girlfriend. Sometimes i imagine that that’s what the dating scene in New Yoik is like. I’m sure it can’t really be that much different. On a serious note, you sound really down AND pissed off lil’ L. You shouldn’t be. I think you are a woman whom most men could quite easily fall in love with and there are probably lots of men in your home town of Dawson’s Creek right now who fancy you from afar but are probably just too afraid to approach you. If i lived near Dawson’s Creek i think i would chance my arm and ask you out on a date. I doubt we would be right for each other though as i like being single and travelling through life alone, hurt and angry but one date would be cool i reckon. The chances of me ever cobbling together enough money to visit Dawson’s Creek are low, but If you ever find yourself in the chemical toilet we call Scotland i will gladly meet up with you and show you the Big One (it’s a mountain in the Highlands)

    Cheer up lil’ L. i have lots of faith in you – ‘Sweetness’ 🙂 x

  6. Aww, I’m really sorry that happened. I have noticed that a lot of guys get a woman really hooked in and pouring out her feelings and then they like scare themselves and go back on things. The last guy I dated said I love you first, talked about how we were “pre-engaged,” and how he couldn’t wait to marry me and start a family. Then when I said those things back he started looking for jobs out of state and saying he wasn’t sure he loved me. WTF? I have heard stories from other girls too like that. Why do guys do that? So weird!

    • Hello lovely lady, sorry it has taken me so long to get back to you, a lot of things have been going on in my life!
      Anyways, I wish I could tell you why they do this, because I myself would like to know the answer!!! But I think you’re exactly right!! I don’t know what it is about guys freaking out these days. Maybe the idea of “forever”?? Which is dumb, because even I’m scared of that, but I would still take a chance, ya know?? Who knows why they get so scared; it’s definitely weird!!

  7. Hi lil’ L. Haven’t heard from you for a while. Please don’t tell me that you’re doing time for killing that guy! It’s not worth it. Unless you’re a lesbian those women’s prisons are quite bleak. Btw, i read somewhere that the best way to keep a guy interested is to send dirty hot pictures of yourself to their e-mail address. I’m not sure i actually believe that though. Anyway, hope you start blogging again soon.

    sweetoothjames@rocketmail.com

    • Hi, I’m sorry it has taken me so long to get back to you. I had a lot of things change in my life which has made it almost impossible to write. But I assure you I’ll be back at it soon!! 😉 Thank you for checking up on me and for all of your kind words; I sincerely appreciate it, more than you know. 🙂

  8. That’s okay lil’ L. I’m glad you’re back. I actually missed you while you were on sabbatical. Dunno why but i did. The internet is a massive place but it’s also quite small as well (eh?!) and there are only a few people who i think are worth the effort to find the time to communicate with and you’re one of them. Anyway, i’m away to read your new blog entry now and no doubt i will have a comment or two to make on it. Glad you’re back though Leslie-poo xxxxxxx

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