…And This is Why I Don’t Like Falling for Guys….

Well, I seem to be joining the trend of many of the people here in the dating blog community.

I finally grew some balls and put everything (that might be an exaggeration, but it’s everything based on how I handle things) out on the table with “Future Hubby”.  Things have been rocky for awhile, which is partially why I haven’t made any updates.  I guess I just didn’t want to come to terms with the shitty way things were going.  The last time I saw him was on Super Bowl Sunday, and he wasn’t exactly the friendliest.  As I’ve mentioned before, we have a lot of mutual friends.  Basically everyone I partied with/hung out with in college is friends with him too.  I’m a bit closer to them than he is, but we still all hang out together on occasion.  Earlier that weekend, I had told all the guys that I wanted to watch the Super Bowl with them and I mentioned that they should invite “the neighbors” (a.k.a. “Future Hubby” and his roomie – they were neighbors to the guys I hang out with back in college).  I honestly didn’t think he’d be there and I figured I’d just text him when I got there and invite him to watch with us.  Well he was there.  And he was the first person to see me as I walked up to their table.  And he didn’t look happy to see me at all.

The entire time he was just really quiet, not very talkative, which really isn’t like him.  He’s a Gemini like me, and we’re all so very talkative.  Anyways, I tried talking to him a bit but he just looked peeved, so I did what I do best – I flirted with every other guy at the table.  I figured it wouldn’t matter anyways since they’re all our friends and he knows I don’t want any of them.  Plus he wasn’t being so friendly, and that’s what I do to retaliate.  Initially I don’t think he really cared, but by the end of the night I was getting comments like, “Yeah I’m SURE you know him” when I was talking to the only other girl at the table about a guy I know that she thought was hot (I wasn’t even talking to him…) and comments insinuating that I’m a whore.  Which is dumb, because he was talking to a girl he knew from a strip club for awhile, though he denied her pretty harshly when she asked him if he and the other guys wanted to go to the strip club.   Anyways, when he WAS talking to me, he was going against EVERYTHING I said.  I could have said the sky was blue, and I swear he would say it’s purple, just to antagonize me.  Let’s just say, the night didn’t end so happily for me.

This isn’t our situation, I just thought it was an interesting situation. Especially considering I have a hard time telling guys I like them.

The weekend before Valentine’s Day week, I ended up guest bartending at a bar/club downtown in which I told him if he came in I would give him free drinks.  He had sprained his ankle so he wasn’t going out at all that weekend.  I tried to get in touch with him the night after to see if he wanted to hang out, but of course no response.  Finally I get a response after asking if he was alive and I told him I would have offered to come over and hang out with him, but I was already at work.  All I got in response was, “I was fine.”  So clearly, he just wasn’t having it.  I decided to not speak to him during Valentine’s Day week, nor anytime thereafter.  Besides he was in Jackson Hole skiing with the fam.  Fast forward to now…basically I was just sick of not hearing from him and not knowing.  And I was watching The Biggest Loser and it was “Face Your Fears” week.  So I took a cue and faced my fear of telling people how I feel.  And this is how it went (keep in mind, his texts are emotionless…they always have been):

Moi: You said awhile back that you thought we should get to know each other and that we’ve never hung out somewhere that wasn’t a loud bar.  But I feel like lately every time I try to hang out with you, let alone talk to you, you either ignore me or make up some excuse.  So please just be honest with me, did you just say all that stuff because you were drunk or did you actually mean it??  (Thank you to Miss Jane Champagne for that last line…though I tweaked it a bit)

“Future Hubby”: I am just not interested right now

“Future Hubby”: (10 minutes later) I’m sorry, I just need to be honest with you (pretty sure that’s what I told you to do….)

Moi: Thank you for being honest.  I hope we can still hang out sometime as friends.

“Future Hubby”: Ya sure (I swear this isn’t sarcasm, that’s just really how he texts)

I was just going to leave it at that, but if you know me, I can’t leave things alone.  I’ve gotta drive a point behind everything and make people feel somewhat bad.  Or at least make them feel guilty.  So I ended it with this:

Moi: (40 minutes later) Just a tip for the future – don’t say things you don’t intend on following through with.  It’s mean.  And hurtful.

So yep.  That all happened.  On a side note, If you’re just going to comment some rude, hateful, “Of course he never liked you” bullshit, save your words and time.  I don’t need that right now.

So yes, I’m heartbroken.  I am glad, however, that I mustered up the courage to tell him how I felt, and I feel that was a huge stepping stone for myself.  I honestly expected him to flip shit (since a lot of men boys do), but he didn’t.  Because of this, I feel I can be honest with him about absolutely anything in the future (I mean, we ARE still friends, so we’ll have to see each other eventually).

Anyways, I cried a bit.  Texted some friends for support.  Cursed the guys that “Future Hubby” and I hang out with (I feel they are partially to be blamed by their single, blatantly-hitting-on-women-relentlessly ways…he’s not like that, but I know that behavior rubs off to a certain extent).  And that’s that.  I think in my heart of hearts, I knew that it wasn’t our time yet.  When you go from calling each other “hubby” and “wifey” to all of a sudden hooking up and seeing where things may go, and with so many people getting married and engaged, including people we both know, it’s a bit frightening.

I will say I am thankful for what little thing it was that we had together.  I still do care about him, but there’s nothing I can do about how he feels.  All I can hope for is a change of heart in the future.  Or for me to find someone else.

So for now, I’m going to work on me and just being happy again.  I just got a new job that I will be starting in 2 weeks and hopefully will be moving sooner rather than later.  And hopefully, all those wonderful positive things will keep my mind off the negative.  🙂