Tag Archive | Friends

…And This is Why I Don’t Like Falling for Guys….

Well, I seem to be joining the trend of many of the people here in the dating blog community.

I finally grew some balls and put everything (that might be an exaggeration, but it’s everything based on how I handle things) out on the table with “Future Hubby”.  Things have been rocky for awhile, which is partially why I haven’t made any updates.  I guess I just didn’t want to come to terms with the shitty way things were going.  The last time I saw him was on Super Bowl Sunday, and he wasn’t exactly the friendliest.  As I’ve mentioned before, we have a lot of mutual friends.  Basically everyone I partied with/hung out with in college is friends with him too.  I’m a bit closer to them than he is, but we still all hang out together on occasion.  Earlier that weekend, I had told all the guys that I wanted to watch the Super Bowl with them and I mentioned that they should invite “the neighbors” (a.k.a. “Future Hubby” and his roomie – they were neighbors to the guys I hang out with back in college).  I honestly didn’t think he’d be there and I figured I’d just text him when I got there and invite him to watch with us.  Well he was there.  And he was the first person to see me as I walked up to their table.  And he didn’t look happy to see me at all.

The entire time he was just really quiet, not very talkative, which really isn’t like him.  He’s a Gemini like me, and we’re all so very talkative.  Anyways, I tried talking to him a bit but he just looked peeved, so I did what I do best – I flirted with every other guy at the table.  I figured it wouldn’t matter anyways since they’re all our friends and he knows I don’t want any of them.  Plus he wasn’t being so friendly, and that’s what I do to retaliate.  Initially I don’t think he really cared, but by the end of the night I was getting comments like, “Yeah I’m SURE you know him” when I was talking to the only other girl at the table about a guy I know that she thought was hot (I wasn’t even talking to him…) and comments insinuating that I’m a whore.  Which is dumb, because he was talking to a girl he knew from a strip club for awhile, though he denied her pretty harshly when she asked him if he and the other guys wanted to go to the strip club.   Anyways, when he WAS talking to me, he was going against EVERYTHING I said.  I could have said the sky was blue, and I swear he would say it’s purple, just to antagonize me.  Let’s just say, the night didn’t end so happily for me.

This isn't our situation, I just thought it was an interesting situation.  Especially considering I have a hard time telling guys I like them.

This isn’t our situation, I just thought it was an interesting situation. Especially considering I have a hard time telling guys I like them.

The weekend before Valentine’s Day week, I ended up guest bartending at a bar/club downtown in which I told him if he came in I would give him free drinks.  He had sprained his ankle so he wasn’t going out at all that weekend.  I tried to get in touch with him the night after to see if he wanted to hang out, but of course no response.  Finally I get a response after asking if he was alive and I told him I would have offered to come over and hang out with him, but I was already at work.  All I got in response was, “I was fine.”  So clearly, he just wasn’t having it.  I decided to not speak to him during Valentine’s Day week, nor anytime thereafter.  Besides he was in Jackson Hole skiing with the fam.  Fast forward to now…basically I was just sick of not hearing from him and not knowing.  And I was watching The Biggest Loser and it was “Face Your Fears” week.  So I took a cue and faced my fear of telling people how I feel.  And this is how it went (keep in mind, his texts are emotionless…they always have been):

Moi: You said awhile back that you thought we should get to know each other and that we’ve never hung out somewhere that wasn’t a loud bar.  But I feel like lately every time I try to hang out with you, let alone talk to you, you either ignore me or make up some excuse.  So please just be honest with me, did you just say all that stuff because you were drunk or did you actually mean it??  (Thank you to Miss Jane Champagne for that last line…though I tweaked it a bit)

“Future Hubby”: I am just not interested right now

“Future Hubby”: (10 minutes later) I’m sorry, I just need to be honest with you (pretty sure that’s what I told you to do….)

Moi: Thank you for being honest.  I hope we can still hang out sometime as friends.

“Future Hubby”: Ya sure (I swear this isn’t sarcasm, that’s just really how he texts)

I was just going to leave it at that, but if you know me, I can’t leave things alone.  I’ve gotta drive a point behind everything and make people feel somewhat bad.  Or at least make them feel guilty.  So I ended it with this:

Moi: (40 minutes later) Just a tip for the future – don’t say things you don’t intend on following through with.  It’s mean.  And hurtful.

So yep.  That all happened.  On a side note, If you’re just going to comment some rude, hateful, “Of course he never liked you” bullshit, save your words and time.  I don’t need that right now.

So yes, I’m heartbroken.  I am glad, however, that I mustered up the courage to tell him how I felt, and I feel that was a huge stepping stone for myself.  I honestly expected him to flip shit (since a lot of men boys do), but he didn’t.  Because of this, I feel I can be honest with him about absolutely anything in the future (I mean, we ARE still friends, so we’ll have to see each other eventually).

Anyways, I cried a bit.  Texted some friends for support.  Cursed the guys that “Future Hubby” and I hang out with (I feel they are partially to be blamed by their single, blatantly-hitting-on-women-relentlessly ways…he’s not like that, but I know that behavior rubs off to a certain extent).  And that’s that.  I think in my heart of hearts, I knew that it wasn’t our time yet.  When you go from calling each other “hubby” and “wifey” to all of a sudden hooking up and seeing where things may go, and with so many people getting married and engaged, including people we both know, it’s a bit frightening.

I will say I am thankful for what little thing it was that we had together.  I still do care about him, but there’s nothing I can do about how he feels.  All I can hope for is a change of heart in the future.  Or for me to find someone else.

So for now, I’m going to work on me and just being happy again.  I just got a new job that I will be starting in 2 weeks and hopefully will be moving sooner rather than later.  And hopefully, all those wonderful positive things will keep my mind off the negative.  🙂

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“Future Hubby”

Note: I guess I really couldn’t stay away that long could I?  🙂  Also, since my 50 Dates thing is over, I guess I’ll just go with the format of writing about the dates without numbering them.  We’ll see how this goes…

How We Met:  So let me start off by saying that this is the potential “TOWWETB” that I’ve been talking about for the past couple of months.  I figured I might as well write about him now since I’ve mentioned him so much, even if we still haven’t gone on an official date.

Anyways, we met back in college sometime during our junior year.  I want to say it was at the beginning of the year, before classes had even started.  I was (and still am) close friends with a group of guys and they would have parties at their house.  They had a hot tub so that was a huge attraction.  Anyways, “Future Hubby” was one of their neighbors.  We were honestly never close or anything.  We saw each other at parties, hung out, drank far too much for our own goods.  But it was never a, “Hey, let’s go hang out sometime to a quiet place.”  We were literally party friends.  Then around our 20th or 21st birthdays (I can’t remember which), we figured out that we’re practically birthday twins, with him being just a day older than me.  That was exciting, so for a couple of years every time our birthdays came around, I always asked him if he wanted to do something together.  Usually we didn’t, but we’d end up bumping into each other at the bars anyways and end up celebrating together.  At my college graduation party, we decided we were going to get married one day.  Obviously, we were really drunk and I can’t remember the details very well.  But my version of the story was that I found out he was majoring in mechanical engineering and I thought that to be a very good future career so I told him we should get married one day, to which he agreed.  His version of the story is that he proposed to me at my graduation party and I accepted.  Since mine makes me sound like a gold digging bitch, I’ll go with his version.  And I hope this explains the nickname I gave him and you all don’t think I’m some crazy lady thinking I’m just going to marry this guy because he’s my potential “TOWWETB”.

After that, we didn’t see much of each other.  I’d bump into him randomly at bars (we seriously party far too much) and we’d hang out, calling each other “Wifey” and “Hubby” the entire time.  A lot of times, he was far too drunk for me to put up with, so we’d hang out briefly and then I would try and run away.  Then a couple of months ago, we bumped into each other again while he was out with our mutual friends and I was out with some of the ladies.  We were just talking and he brought up the fact that we needed to get to know each other if we were going to get married one day.  I think I just laughed at that, but then he got serious…drunk, but serious nonetheless, and said something along the lines of the fact that we’ve never hung out in a quiet place, always at a bar, and that we really should get to know each other. So I agreed and he suggested I go to lunch with him sometime which I scoffed at (don’t know why at the time…).  He also mentioned how I never call him or text him to hang out so I should make more of an effort, which I threw right back at him.   He then proceeded to invite me to everything he was doing that weekend and I agreed to one thing.  And then I made out with him for pretty much the rest of the night.  This was the first time I had done ANYTHING with him whatsoever – we had never, ever been that way with one another.  And that’s how things got started.

-Rating:

*Physical Aesthetics: 6

*Appearance: 6

*Personality: 10

*Manners: 9

*Intelligence: 10

*Confidence: 8

*Overall Rating: 8

The “Date”: So as I prefaced before, we haven’t gone on an actual date that meets the criteria of my blog.  But for the past 2 months we have been talking, hanging out, and hooking up, so I’m counting it.

That first weekend that he pretty much invited me to hang out with him all weekend, I opted to hang out with him only one day.  I was supposed to go to a party with him at his friend’s but instead went to another party, which is where I met “Turtle” actually.  But the day after, he had reserved a table at a bar/restaurant to watch football so I told him I would meet him for that.  When I got there it was kind of awkward because the only seat available was next to someone I didn’t know, but I quickly made new friends.  I would talk to “Future Hubby” periodically and he would stare at me from across the way to make sure I was okay every once in awhile.  After all the games were finished, I ended up staying with “Future Hubby” and his roomie (also one of my friends from college who I actually would make out with back in the day haha) and watched them play flag football.  They asked me to play with them, but I didn’t have the appropriate attire nor am I good with catching footballs from long distances (I’m working on it) so I opted to just watch.  It was me and a bunch of boys the entire day.  All the while, I am texting “Eccentric Cheeseball” trying to figure out when our date was going to happen.  Maybe I’m just weird, but I thought things were kind of awkward between “Future Hubby” and I at some points that day, but quickly got over them.

So after that one time hanging out, we continued to see each other periodically.  I won’t bore you with every single detail, so I’ll condense it all into generalizations.  We’d hang out (at a bar…ya we regressed back to that), make out, then go back to his place, hook up, and I’d either leave or spend the night.  I actually got the approval of some of our friends who I decided to tell about our little situation.  Every single one of them (even the one guy who didn’t approve because he said, “You could do better than him.”  So sweet.  =) ) mentioned that he’s a good guy and that they’re happy for us if we become something.  One friend mentioned that he saw it coming and that he thought we’d be great together.

It’s all very strange because 1.) I’ve never really gone for a friend before and 2.) I never thought anything would ever happen between us.  The whole marriage thing was totally a joke.  I mean, I’ve done stuff with his friends and he’s done stuff with a few of mine back in college, so he was the last person I ever thought I would have any sort of relations with.  And it turns out he’s pretty awesome and I question as to why we never got to hanging out back in the day.  We have a lot in common, we totally get each other, and more so than not, he’s a total gentleman.  Every time I spend the night, he totally takes care of me and makes sure I’m comfortable.

But of course, with every lovely story, there’s always a bit of negativity, right??  Well yes, in today’s story, our negative bit comes from the one thing we all have a love/hate relationship with: alcohol.  I used to be a big time partier in college, and unfortunately “Future Hubby” seems to be in that phase still.  Don’t get me wrong, I’ll still party on the weekends and what not.  But I never get out of control and I can always handle my alcohol.  The same cannot be said for “Future Hubby”.  And let’s just say this puts a bit of a strain on things, especially this past week with all the holiday celebrations at hand.  It went from him being super attentive, getting back to me immediately if I had called or texted him, apologizing when he didn’t respond…to partying being more important to him and hearing from him at times that are far too late.  So ya, as of now, I am not too sure where we stand.  Oh, I forgot to mention, in all his drunken stupor last weekend (the one before Christmas), he called me his girlfriend.  While I’m not taking that seriously since he said it drunk, I’m not sure how he feels about that, if he even recalls saying that.  Really, I’m just a bit confused and irritated with the profuse amounts of alcohol he deems more important than anything else.

*Positives: He’s just a great guy in general, smart, funny, makes me feel comfortable, is as much of a nerd as I am (we watched Harry Potter the first time I spent the night), can be a gentleman when he wants, can be super attentive, is from one of my favorite places in the entire world (Windy City), when it comes to work he has a good job/career in front of him, has a huge dick (like seriously, it’s a bit terrifying), and a ton more.  I could go on for awhile.

*Negatives: Honestly, it really all revolves around alcohol.  How he is on it, how he wants to drink all the time, how his weekend life kind of seems to revolve around it.  God, I make him sound like an alcoholic.  He’s not an alcoholic – he’s just a huge partier still, and I know there’s nothing I can do about that.

Second First Date?:  For the time being, I’m going to back off.  I’m not going to contact him.  He can call me at decent hours, SOBER, if he wants.  I’m really irritated with his behavior as of late and I’m not going to subject myself to put up with something like that.  I already did it for three years with “Mr. Big (Past)”.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++READ BELOW THIS LINE+++++++++++++++++++++++READ BELOW THIS LINE+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

So I totally wrote this post on New Years, but was apprehensive to post it then.  Probably because things weren’t going so well.  Anyways, a lot has happened since then that are awesome, so I will write an update on our situation soon!!  🙂

Random: We’re “JUST” Friends (and random sidenotes)

Sidenote: Before I actually get to writing about the topic I’ve chosen, I’d like to apologize for neglecting everyone, including my blog itself.  I just haven’t really been in the mood to go on dates…I’m kind of in another “I Hate Guys” period (refer to my post “I ‘Hate’ Men?” to understand just how I’m feeling).  I just kind of feel like nothing ever works out with me and any guy and it’s really bumming me out at the moment.  But alas, I guess that’s the reason why I have this blog.  Ha.  Anyways, I was also so caught up in the Olympics that I literally sat on my couch for 5 hours a night for 2 weeks and became absolutely worthless.  Yeah.  Okay, I’m done.

Guy friends…friends with benefits…”just” friends….what does any of that really mean?  For the longest time, I truly believed that men and women could be just friends…strictly, platonic friends.  And I still believe this – to a certain extent.  I remember guys I know (and some ladies too) always saying how guys and girls could never be just friends and no matter what one thinks, there’s always one person in the “friendship” who wants something more.  I always disregarded this notion, because I myself had plenty of (sometimes I think too many) guy friends who truly were just my friends.  And to reiterate, I still believe this idea that guys and girls CAN be just friends if they want to be.  But I won’t lie, there have been many instances as of late which has led me to believe that maybe (just in some situations, of course) guys and girls CAN’T just be friends.

I have a TON of guy friends – to the point where I think about my future wedding (if it ever happens) and how my bridal party would probably have to have some guys in it considering I’m closer to a lot more guys than I am girls.  I tell these guys all my girl problems just like I would if they were a girl, do things with them that I would do with my girlfriends, and pretty much trust them with my life.  In fact, there are a few guys in my life that I would tell my secrets to that I won’t tell even some of my girlfriends.  I have so many guy friends and hang out with them so often that I end up being the girl at the bar who does not get hit on by any guys because of this factor.  Which is fine with me.  These guys are always asking why I never bring girls for them, yet they fail to notice that I never hang out with girls (I’m always with them…duh!).  I won’t lie, I may have made out with a few (a lot) of them, but it never went anywhere more than that and none of us have ever made it weird after either.  Really, they’re just some of my very best friends who I love to death more than anything and yeah.

But lately, within the past year or two, I’ve definitely had some of these guy friends changing their tune.  We’d go from being super close and being JUST friends to them all of a sudden admitting that they have had some sort of feelings for me either in the past or in present day.  Or they just straight up start hitting on me/flirting with me…and not just friendly flirting that we normally partake in.  These aren’t just some acquaintance type, party friends either – they’re like fairly good friends of mine.  And when this happens, I become confused.  Really confused.  What happened to the strictly platonic friendship we once had??  And what is it about now that they’ve all of a sudden decided to reveal these feelings??  Being a girl, of course I take this too far and start to ponder whether all my guy friends are just being my friend to inevitably try and sleep with me.  Then I become even more confused and try to avoid thinking about it all together.  Ha.

Some lovely ladies I know think the best people to date are your guy friends – that way you already know how they are and how they will treat you.  One lovely lady I know will ONLY date guys she is friends with first and does not date “strangers” whatsoever.  But to be honest, I’ve really never been that type.  Every guy I’ve dated has been someone I was attracted to from the get-go and I was never friends with them first.  This doesn’t mean I wouldn’t ever date a guy who I was friends with first, because believe me, I have some hot friends!   It’s just how the cookie crumbles in my dating life.  I don’t necessarily believe the whole saying about people being in the friend zone and staying there either.  Which is why this all confuses me even more….do I go for these friends when they give me indication that they want something more?  Do I leave it alone and pretend it never happened or that this is just a normal occurrence?  Do I worry about ruining my friendship with them?

This leads back to my initial question…Can guys and girls really, ever be,  just friends?  I really am interested in hearing everyone’s opinion on this (both lovely ladies and the guys out there who keep up with my blog) so please let me know!!

Andddddd….back to another sidenote…..

Sidenote:  While I have been bumming about men lately, I won’t lie there IS a guy who I am interested in…based on completely false pretenses though.  I’ve noticed him at my gym (yep, stereotypical jock boy, whatever) for the past couple of months.  But I’m not the one who goes to the gym to hit on guys – I am there strictly to work out.  I look like shit, try not to talk to anyone, nor make eye contact.  But I have most definitely noticed him.  He’s hot, tall, and ripped.  I love his face…like literally his face is hot!!  Anyways, I’m not really sure how to go about approaching him.  I (creepily) stare at him as much as I can which is as far as I’ve gone.  He talked to me once…to ask if he could use the same machine I was using with me.  In response, because I was so into my work out, I think I rudely said yeah and didn’t smile back when he smiled at me.  So yeah.  I feel like a fucking little school girl again, which is obnoxious and exciting all at the same time.  Anyways, help with this would also be greatly appreciated.  I’m at my ugliest at the gym, so I have nothing to help me out.  Though I would like to make him one of my dates……

Date #7: “Perfect Ass”

How We Met: We met back in 2006 at a party he was throwing at his house.  At the time I was seeing (or more so hooking up) with his friend “Dolphin Teeth.”  He has always been so nice to me, right from the get go.  He truly possess what I feel is that Midwest charm – he’s genuinely polite and a true gentleman.  Plus he has a great posterior, hence the nickname – he’s not an asshole by any means if that’s what you’re thinking by the nickname.  Over some years we became really good friends and hung out every weekend at the very least.  He eventually moved back to the Midwest to live with his dad, but he comes back to town every so often.  Every time he comes into town, we make it a point to see each other at least once during his stay, whether it be going out to the bars or just hanging out and watching a movie.

-Rating:

*Physical Aesthetics: 8

*Physical Appearance: 9

*Personality: 10

*Manners: 10+

*Intelligence: 6

*Confidence: 10

*Overall Rating: 9

The Date: Before “Perfect Ass” had moved back to the Midwest, we had the tradition of going on our “Olive Garden Dates,” as we would call it, once every month.  Ironically, those dates usually always fell sometime around my period.  So what better than to go to our favorite place for this date!  Though I will say, I was not on my period for this one.  Haha.

We of course ordered our usual Alfredo dipping sauce for the bread sticks, and I had my usual Peach Iced Tea.  We ended up sharing something that neither of us had gotten before, and it actually turned out to be pretty good.  We hadn’t seen each other since he came out here for his birthday back at the end of last year, so we had a lot of catching up to do.  The last time I had seen him, he had this crazy girlfriend.  Now, when I say crazy, I mean seriously, CRAZY.  When I first met her, she seemed like a very sweet girl.  But the more I got to know her, the crazier she got.  She would yell at “Perfect Ass” for no reason out of the blue, she would physically abuse him (literally….he had marks on him one time), and completely berate him.  The thing that makes her even crazier is the fact that she never thought she was doing anything wrong; she thought everyone else was overreacting and she was sane.  She has a child who is about 4 years old (I think…) and she would expect “Perfect Ass” to stay home with her and HER kid when he came out here to visit, even though he was here to see his family and friends.  She would get mad when he would go outside on the porch to just talk to his friends and none of us liked her.  Pretty sure she hated me too, so I guess it’s all good.

The point of that whole long story is that he finally, after 2 years I think it was, ended things with her.  It was a relief to everyone.  When I say everyone, I mean his friends and family alike.  Not a soul liked this horrible girl.  I’m not sure her own child even liked her…sad day.  Anyways, we all thought he was going to get back with her after a few days or so of being broken up (as is the trend with him), but he told me he was done for good which made me happy.  It turned out he was in town applying for a job out here.  He hears back in about 3-4 weeks whether he gets the job (fingers crossed!) which means….HE MIGHT BE MOVING BACK!!  Yayyyyy!!  This also means that if he does, we may be moving in together!  No, not like that.  Just as friends of course haha!

I think the best part about dinner is that “Dolphin Teeth” called him a couple of times within the two hours we were there.  On the last call, all I could think was, “‘Perfect Ass’ doesn’t even need a girlfriend, he has ‘Dolphin Teeth'” since he had been calling so much.  My thought process was correct as “Perfect Ass” ended the conversation with an, “I love you.”  You may think I’m joking, but I can assure you I’m not.  I laughed hysterically after that and him shit the rest of the night.

We ended up going back to his mom’s house after since that was where he was staying while he was in town.  We hung out with his sisters, his mom, and  even “Dolphin Teeth” made an appearance…can’t keep two lovers away from each other for too long ;-).  We watched a horrible movie that he picked out and that was about it!

*Positives: It was a lot of fun, we always have a great time together doing whatever, there was no pressure whatsoever in anything

*Negatives: I’m super allergic to his mom’s house with all the dogs and cats they have in there, I never thought I’d have to compete with “Dolphin Teeth” for someone’s attention…hahaha

Second Date?: Duh!!  He’s one of my closest friends, so that’s an obvious no brainer.  And if he moves back, it’s going to be Olive Garden Dates at least once a month again!