Tag Archive | Weird

Date #31: “Turtle”

How We Met: We met at a mutual friend’s going away party.  Really, I should use the term “met” loosely, considering the fact that he never actually introduced himself.  In fact, I had to go ask someone what his name was after like an hour because I felt bad that he had been in the same room as me and talking to me, but I didn’t even know his name.  Basically, at this going away party, it was segregated into a lot of people upstairs and a few people downstairs.  So being the lameass that I am, I chose to hang out with the calm, quiet, few people in the basement.  And “Turtle” was one of them.  Oh and on a sidenote, this nickname isn’t a reference to Turtle on Entourage, because I’m pretty sure even he has more game than this guy I went out with.  Anyways, towards the end of the night, this guy ended up sitting right next to me, and I noticed kept scooting closer and closer to me.  I’m not a shy person, so I didn’t mind this or think twice of it.  But it was to the point where when he left his seat momentarily, this cute little dog came and practically sat on my lap, and he made the dog move so he could sit by me when he came back, gently scolding the dog for even thinking about sitting by me.  WTF.  Okay, enough with the sidenotes…so “Turtle” leaves the party without saying bye and I don’t think anything of it.  Until I find out the next day that he managed to find me on Facebook (I’ve made myself fairly private) and added me as a friend.  Not wanting to be rude, and since I met him in person, I decided to accept his friend request.  He began to message me and we set up a date to meet.


*Physical Aesthetics: 4-5

*Appearance: 6

*Personality: 3-4

*Manners: 3-4

*Intelligence: 6

*Confidence: 4

*Overall Rating: 4

The Date: I’m to the point where I’m completely over going on all these awful dates.  I know why they’re awful too.  Because I’m just not into them, nor the guys they are with.  I would rather spend my free time with people I am 100% sure I will enjoy (a.k.a my friends).  Hence why I rarely go on dates on the weekends.  Waste my lovely weekend on some guy that I know nothing will work with?  Please.

Anyways, as I’ve clearly prefaced the following, this date wasn’t good either.  We decided to meet at a bar right by my work so I could just quickly run over there afterwards.  I sent him my phone number to text me, yet he was either too timid or doesn’t text (which I highly doubt), so I didn’t even know if he was at the bar or not at our planned time.  I told him (through Facebook) that I would have to still change and what not before I met him over there so I may be later than our planned time, and all he said was, “Well I’ll see you when you’re there.”  Strange.  I could have totally stood this guy up.  So of course I take my sweet ass time getting ready and having a drink with my favorite co-workers while I’m getting ready.  It was a little over 30 minutes after I told him I would be off work, and I still hadn’t heard from him.  For a second, I thought maybe he just didn’t show.  So I was SO tempted to not even make my way over to that bar and just hang out at work, because, well…I love my co-workers.  🙂  But I didn’t want to be a total bitch, plus I still need to get to 50 guys here, so I went.  It turns out he was already there at the bar, just waiting for me.  Why he couldn’t text me to let me know he was there, especially since I showed up very late?  I do not know.

I go to sit down, and he IMMEDIATELY begins to scoot his chair extremely close to me again.  And when I say close, I mean he was practically sitting in my lap by the end of our stay at the bar.  I just thought it was so weird, and maybe that’s his way of showing he likes a girl or whatever, but it’s strange.  Anyways, we start talking and I recognize immediately that we have nothing in common.  Whatsoever.  We hang out at very different places and enjoy doing very different things.  Okay…maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration.  But in my mind, we had nothing in common.  He works at a company that he started, working with hedge funds.  He works from home.  He goes out every once in awhile with his friends.  I did most of the talking.  Booooooring.  Luckily, my co-workers were still at work and texting me so I decided to move our date to my work, which I know is lame, but at least I would have all my favorites there to witness how awful this was all going.  As we’re closing our bill, I reach for my credit card, and “Turtle” doesn’t even blink.  He doesn’t offer to buy my drink, and just puts his credit card down and tells the bartender to split it.  Seriously??  Again, not saying I need to be paid for, but at least FUCKING OFFER!!  Be a fucking gentleman!!  I know I’m a bit of a princess in that, but I can’t help it – the guys in my life take care of me without question, so I’m just used to it.  And even when I try to buy them stuff, they refuse and make me put my money away.  True gentleman they are.  So of course I was already irritated that he didn’t offer, but I still let him come hang out with me at work.

We get to my work, and since I had been texting my co-worker “E-Slide” on how awful the date had been going already, you could tell everyone either already knew this or in their head were thinking, “What the fuck is she doing with a guy like that?!”  He just gave off a weird vibe.  Like a super timid, awkward vibe.  Anyways, we go to sit down and of course, again, he scoots his chair so close to me he’s practically in my lap.  Why he thinks this is attractive in any way, I’m not too sure.  Because I don’t like having someone I’m already uncomfortable with that close to me…ever.  But yes, he was practically in my lap again.  Luckily, my boss and “E-Slide” were in the vicinity so we all just start talking.  I kind of felt bad because at that point I kind of started ignoring him (or at least tried my best to).  He started GAWKING at me, even when I was just listening to someone else talk.  Instead of looking at the person talking, what most socially competent people would do, I would catch him just gawking at me in such a creepy way.  I seriously just wanted to die on the inside.  So can you really blame me for ignoring him?  Plus I noticed that he would change how he spoke to my boss (who’s a guy) in opposed to me or “E-Slide” – like the inflection in his voice and his demeanor changed, almost as if to “look cool” or “fit in.”  So unattractive.  He kept asking me when I was free again, and what I was going to be doing over the weekend, and luckily I’m busy so I told him that.  He seemed bummed, for what reason I don’t know, because I’m pretty sure I gave him every sign in the book that I wasn’t interested in him at all in the least bit.  When it was time to leave, “E-Slide” wanted me to walk her to her car since this one creepy security guard has been lurking around lately, so I told her I would.  “Turtle” was parked in front of the first bar we were at, which was only a block and 1/2 down the street from where we were at so I thought we were going to part ways.  But being the dumbass I can be sometimes, I offered to give him a ride to his car, which for some reason he agreed to.  Again, what the fuck.  I didn’t have a drink at work so I didn’t think to tip my boss (he was bartending), but “Turtle” definitely had two drinks, and not only did he not make any offer of payment, he didn’t even try tipping.  Horrible impression to make on someone who works in the industry.

So I walk “E-Slide” to her car, and then drive “Turtle” to his.  The entire time he’s trying to talk about my car like he knows cars so well and keeps comparing it to a hybrid.  At this point, I’m already so grossed out and not attracted to him, that I just can’t even really listen to him nor take him seriously.  We get to his car, and he gives me an awkward hug where he accidentally (but probably not accidentally, let’s be real) brushes up against my boob, then leaves.  Ugh.

*Positives: I really wish I could think of even one.  Oh…I guess he’s somewhat intellectual since he majored in biology.  And he’s from Chicago, and I’m in love with that city.  That’s about it.

*Negatives: He’s not physically attractive in any way whatsoever, he is extremely awkward, HE DIDN’T PAY FOR HIS DRINK AT MY WORK NOR TIP MY BOSS, didn’t offer to buy me a drink, weirdly kept scooting closer and closer to me, attempted to touch my leg or back every so often and it just came off as super weird and creepy, kept gawking at me for no apparent reason (also super creepy), is socially inept, has no characteristics I desire whatsoever, and clearly can’t take a hint.

Second Date?: No.  Absolutely not.  He sent me a message over Facebook (why can’t the fucker just text me?!) asking me what I was doing this weekend which I ignored.  Finally, this prompted him to text me super late at night asking me where I was at.


Date #23: “Goofy”

Note: This wasn’t supposed to be a date in any way, shape, or form, but in some sense turned into one.  I seem to have a lot of these pseudo-dates, especially as of late.  Weird.

How We Met: We had a piano class together I think my junior or senior year of college.  Neither of us ever practiced, we always sat in the back, and our teacher (in my opinion) wasn’t too fond of us.  We started talking because of this.  We honestly never hung out outside of class and after graduation, we would occasionally speak on Facebook.  But that’s about it.  Keep this in mind while reading the rest…


*Physical Aesthetics: 6

*Appearance: 6

*Personality: 5-6

*Manners: 8

*Intelligence: 6 (but I couldn’t really gauge)

*Confidence: 4

*Overall Rating: 5

The Date: So like I previously stated, this was not supposed to be a date in any way.  “Goofy” had messaged me on Facebook awhile back that he was coming into town for what is called The Rocky Mountain Showdown and that we should hang out while he was in town.  I’m a friendly person so I agreed to this.  He started texting me when he got into town and it turns out he was staying at a hotel a couple blocks away from my work so I told him to come visit me at work if he got the chance.  And this is where things went sour.

He came into visit me, which was sweet, but he literally stayed at the bar the entire time.  On top of that, he was texting me the entire time I was working.  I was cocktailing that night in the back so it was obnoxious to have him text me every 5 seconds asking something.  I’m not really sure why he stayed the entire time I was working because I honestly thought he was just stopping by to say hi and then meeting up with his friends.  Anyways, we got to talking about what we were going to do that night and a co-worker and I had decided we were going to watch another one of our co-workers DJ at some bar a couple blocks away.  He said that he was meeting up with his friends, but then halfway through the night decided he was going to tag along with us (I guess I made the mistake of inviting him?).  I thought this was kind of strange because he completely changed his plans with them to hang out with me, and as I said previously, we had NEVER hung out outside of school before and I graduated college 3 years ago.  So he decides to go grab some food while I’m finishing up at work and I swear, before my shift was even over, I get a call and a message from him.  Seriously?  He knows I’m not going anywhere and that I’m meeting my co-worker at work, so I’m not sure what’s with the incessant blowing up my phone situation.  I get off of work, and he’s literally just waiting for me outside of my work.  So I make him come in while I’m getting ready.  I start complaining how my co-worker who I’m supposed to meet up with is late and I’m wondering out loud where he is, and “Goofy” makes the comment, “Sounds like you have a crush on him,” and then under his breath, “That’s a problem.”  What.  The.  Fuck.  I tell him that I don’t have a crush on him and that we’re all just supposed to hang out so I’m wondering where he is.  He starts kind of arguing with me about it, saying, “No it sounds like you like this guy” (and even if I did, why should he care?).  So I begin to explain how all of us at work are pretty close and we all love each other so damn much, so if anything it’s like a loving little family.  Not sure why I even had to explain this, but I did.

So we start heading down to this other bar because my co-worker decided we were just going to meet there instead.  On our way down, I passed by my favorite night club and of course, “Hollywood” was working.  I’ve kinda been avoiding him for some time now just because he’s been so mean to me, and in doing so, I’ve realized I don’t like him more than a friend anymore (for now…).  So because of this realization, I’m 100% okay with him as a person again.  I told “Goofy” we had to stop by (because it was on the way to the other bar) and he mentioned something about liking to find conflict.  Again, another weird comment.  I dismissed this and kept on going.  We stop by “Hollywood”‘s work and I have him do a quick, final outfit check (remember, we’re just friends now, and I’m already comfortable with him so why not).  I was dumb and wearing a red bra and a sheer white top, so I had him make sure it wasn’t obviously see through.  This apparently irritated “Goofy” enough for him to make a comment about it, so I dismissed it and told him “Hollywood” was gay.  Hahaha.

We finally arrive at our destination, and everything was fine.  He got along well with my co-worker and my co-workers friend.  We had a couple of drinks, listened to our other co-worker DJ (for like 5 seconds because we waited for forever and he didn’t start till the very end and we got impatient) and then headed out to another bar.  My co-worker and his friend decided to go to one bar  but I wanted to go to another, so I did as I pleased.  By this time, I was honestly wondering if “Goofy” had completely blown off his friends, because he kept saying they were meeting up with him but they still hadn’t shown up.  So we go and sit at the bar (really, just so I can say hi to “Boss Man” and get some water because I needed to get away from “Goofy” stat!) and just start talking.  I honestly cannot remember how we got on the topic, but he mentioned that girls in Arizona are hotter.  Which is fine, whatever.  Then I made some comment about how yeah, at the bar we were at there weren’t very many pretty girls and that (here’s where I got “cocky bitchy” as I like to call it…it happens sometimes when I’ve been drinking) I thought I was the prettiest girl there.  To this comment, he replied, “You’re hot, but you’re definitely not the hottest.”  Clearly, the fucker doesn’t know me because I was (half)kidding and I wasn’t meaning it to be arrogant, it was seriously a joke.  Anyways, my “cocky bitchy” self decided to take offense to this and I started talking about how I’ve gotten some of the hottest guys around so I don’t know what he’s talking about.  He took this as me being insecure and started telling me that I have insecurity issues.  Oh, if only the fucker knew…anyways, then shit kinda hit the fan, I called him out on being a fucking weirdo and making comments about me having a crush on my co-worker and what not.  He totally tried to back track, claiming he never said that and I was making shit up, yet I was 100% sober when he said that, and he was already drunk.  Basically, we argued about dumb shit for a good 30 minutes or so.  He kept bringing up the word “friends,” as if we were so close or something (refer back to my opening statement about this) and kept assuring me he wasn’t just trying to take me home and hook up with me for one night.  Again, What.  The.  Fuck.  Just all around.  Finally, his friend showed up, I excused myself to go to the bathroom, then got the fuck out of the bar.  He tried texting me to find me, but I just told him I went home and to have a good night.

*Positives: He’s a nice guy, complimented me all night, bought me a couple of drinks, had very good manners

*Negatives: He doesn’t seem to know the definition of what a “friend” is, he clearly has some jealousy issues, he’s clingy, we didn’t have much to talk about…like really talk about

*Second First Date?: I don’t think so.  I know he wants to hang out again before he leaves and was practically begging me to hang out pretty much the entire weekend, but after last night I’m hoping he just hates me.  It’d be better that way.