Tag Archive | Online Dating

In Retrospect….

newyear

As the year ends, so does my goal to go on a date with 50 different guys.  I only made it to 34 (ish, it’s technically 35 if you count my potential “TOWWETB” – I’ll write about him in the new year).  Boo.  I hate when I don’t meet my goals.  But through this journey, I’ve learned a lot of lessons – about dating, relationships, men, and myself in general.  I’ve gotten back into writing with this blog, which was one of my main goals for the entire year.  Writing this blog has made me realize so many things that I either refused to acknowledge in the past or just didn’t know about, and for that I am thankful (maybe this should have been a Thanksgiving post, with me being thankful and all….).

And I think the one thing I am most grateful for is all of you wonderful, lovely, beautiful people who have been following my journey this entire year!!  🙂  Without you, my blog wouldn’t be what it is today.  I honestly never expected my little idea of dating a bunch of guys to turn into what it is now.  You’ve all given me the motivation to keep on writing and keep on dating and staying strong in times where I thought I would just give up.  I am so thankful for you all and I do hope you all continue to follow me in the future (just fyi, I am keeping the blog, but changing it a bit).  I feel I have made so many new friendships through this blog (I think you all know who you are :-)) and I am also very grateful for that!!

The reason my blog started...my inspiration, if you will

The reason my blog started…my inspiration, if you will

So here is a list of the things I learned throughout my journey in dating….

  • Dating is FUCKING exhausting.  It takes lots of planning and preparation, not to mention time.  Lots of time.
  • Online dating and I do not get along.  At all.  It’s awkward, I’m awkward on it, and everything is just awkward.  Granted, I chose a site that was a bit different than the norm.  But I still didn’t like the experience.  To me, it’s too superficial.
  • Before this blog I was extremely picky.  I realize there was a good reason for this…
  • But with that being said, sometimes in giving a chance to a guy that I would never usually give a chance to was eye opening and made me think twice about/before rejecting a guy. (“Boss Man”)
  • It’s silly to put all your eggs in one basket if things aren’t 100% clear.
  • My intuition with men is almost always right
  • Patience.  It’s something I personally don’t have, but something I’m going to need to make something work.  Kind of goes hand in hand with that first thing I mentioned.
  • Guys are just as nervous/awkward as girls about dating.  Sometimes even more.
  • Guys have just as much of a problem and questions about dating as girls do.
  • I send mixed signals…not on purpose, but because I get scared of being hurt.
  • There’s a possibility that I am just way too busy to be in a relationship (as pointed out to me by “Ninja Monkey”)
  • Being set up on a date with someone is probably one of the worst possible ways to  meet someone.
  • Sometimes you’ve got to take a risk and make yourself vulnerable in order to find someone.
  • Just because someone has a girlfriend/boyfriend, doesn’t mean they’re completely monogamous or off limits.  Stay away from these types of people.  They are bad news. (a.k.a. “Mr. Big (Present)”)
  • I can fully attest that I am a now a firm believer of that quote saying that sometimes the right person is in front of you the entire time, but you don’t realize it till later.  5 years later, in my case (fingers crossed).  I’ll write more about this one later…:-)
So true.  It's something I really need to live by.

So true. It’s something I really need to live by.

So I’m probably going to go on a small hiatus from writing in the New Year.  I need to figure out exactly what I’m going to do with my blog, catch up on everyone else’s blog (sorry for the neglect!), and figure things out in my life outside of dating that need to be settled.  But don’t worry, I can’t stay away for too long – there are too many men out there for me to write about still!!  😉

Random: In Meeting Men…

This was a topic given to me by How To Online Date (thank you!! :-)) back in my post at the beginning of the month.  She asked which method she felt has gotten me the best dates.  It’s like she read my mind, because throughout the process of writing my blog, I’ve looked back to see how I’ve met each guy and whether it worked or didn’t work.  I just never thought about writing about it.  So here we go.

Meeting between two screens….

Online Dating: To be honest, I’ve never been a fan of the idea of online dating.  I feel that it’s very superficial in some sense and I don’t like the idea of meeting someone inorganically (for lack of a better term).  I already have enough of a problem with men only liking women for their aesthetic features and not anything else, and I feel online dating further implements this.  Granted, I know this method has worked out well for many people, but it’s just not me.  But because I wanted to try all outlets, I joined one dating website called What’s Your Price, as suggested by a friend.  Basically, you get paid to go on dates.  So far, I’ve been on 4 dates from this website (and 1 “text date”, if you will), and I’ve gotten a 50/50 success rate.  While the 50% that turned up good was actually really good and I enjoyed the dates even more than some of the other guys I’ve met in other ways, the 50% that were bad were really bad.  Granted, those really bad dates were also with older men (40+), so maybe that was my issue.  Also, with online dating, I feel it’s more so a job than anything else.  I have to make sure I message these guys back in a certain amount of time, otherwise they wonder if I’m still there or not.  If I slack and forget to check the website, it’s like I have to start all over again when trying to find guys.  Plus a lot of the time, these guys will say they want to go on a date, then nothing ever happens after we agree to do it.  Correspondences seem to cease.  Maybe if I joined another site, like POF or OKCupid, I’d get better results.  But I’m just not convinced on the whole concept of online dating to begin with, that the incentive What’s Your Price gives me at least some motivation to go through with it.  Overall though, I’d have to say I’m still sticking to not being a fan of online dating.

Dates from What’s Your Price:

Not true, but sometimes…..;-)

Mutual Friends: Oh my lovely, lovely friends.  How they know me, and don’t know me all at the same time.  Again, this is kind of like with the online dating, where it’s been very 50/50 (but I guess that’s everything in life…).  I’ve met some amazing guys through some friends (like “Indian Warrior” who introduced me to “Mr. Big (Present)”…and when I say introduce, I mean more so made us make out randomly at a bar) and some weird ass guys through other friends (I’m not even going to mention you all…).  I think “Indian Warrior” (she chose that nickname by the way, I was gonna go with “Indian Princess” because it sounded better) takes the cake on introducing me to the best guys, and maybe that’s just because she knows me very well, or knows some normal, amazing guys…or maybe a bit of both.  But I’ve definitely had the most success with guys she has introduced me to.  All the others either don’t know me as well as they think they do, or the guys they set me up with just aren’t my type and they were setting me up just for the sake of setting me up.  I will say that I have better success meeting guys through friends though than I do through online dating.

Dates from Mutual Friends:

Men From My Past: This method of finding men for my blog is consistent with the two in that it’s been 50/50, though I will say that that ratio is depending on who we are talking about from my past.  If it was a friend/acquaintance, the date was amazing (or at least good).  If it was a guy from my past who I dated, wanted to date me, had some sort of feelings for me, etc., the outcome wasn’t as great.  While I can’t say I never do this, I do believe that there is a reason why a guy is in your past (the same goes for men with girls in their past).  And although I do feel that sometimes you can work things out and that maybe you just needed time to sort through things, the likelihood of that happening isn’t very high.  A past is a past for a reason.  I do have to attest that meeting men for my blog this way is better in the sense that the dates are never awkward since I already know them to a certain extent.  There’s none of those getting-to-know-you type questions or other awkward type shit.  But the downfall is the fact that they’re in my past, and they’re obviously there for a reason, so bringing them into the future is regressing a bit.

Dates from My Collection of Men from the Past:

Random Meetings: I think it’s obvious that this has proven to be the most effective method for me in meeting men…well at least in my opinion, who actually knows if these guys are good for me or not haha.  But for me, when I meet a guy, it’s about the initial attraction, the chemistry, the way they carry themselves.  I am able to determine for myself whether they fit the qualities that I look for in a man from the get-go.  Obviously, there are times where my initial intuition is incorrect, but I like to know that at least it is my own fault for picking a loser rather than someone else’s stupidity or a false facade as is proven in online dating.  Plus I like meeting new men on my own because nothing feels forced and there’s no obligation.  It’s sheer desire.

Dates from Random Meetings:

If anyone can think of any good places where they like to meet people, please comment below!!  I’d love to hear everyone else’s ideas and opinions on meeting people.  😉

Date #28: “Bashful”

How We Met: We met on the (now…in my opinion) infamous dating website that I am part of, What’s Your Price.  He had “winked” at me awhile back and although after I looked at his profile I didn’t find anything of substantial interest, I did think that he seemed somewhat physically attractive.  And since I’m not really saying no to anyone (with the exception of those cheating married bastards and guys who live extremely far away from me), I figured I’d give it a shot.  It did worry me a bit that his profile said he had just gotten out of a relationship, because in my head that was a sign that he was one of those guys who needs to be in a relationship and that he was just trying to find a new person to cling on.  This notion was further corroborated in a message he sent me asking me if I was open to being in a relationship (RED FLAG, RED FLAG).  We had intended on going to dinner a couple of weeks ago but things kept getting in the way.  Finally we found a night where we were both free.  To be honest, I was a bit apprehensive to go on this date (it seems this is a constant in a lot of my dates….).  I’m getting to that point where I haven’t been as excited to go on dates and I feel like it’s more of a job than actually trying to find someone.  And I mean, the whole point of my blog was to eventually find someone.  So with that whole aspect kind of missing, I’ve been bumming.  Anyways, for the sake of my blog and the fact that I hadn’t posted a date post in awhile, I figured I’d go on the date.

-Rating:

*Physical Aesthetics: 8

*Appearance: 6

*Personality: 7

*Manners: 5

*Intelligence: 10

*Confidence: 6

*Overall Rating: 8

The Date: I’m not going to lie….the date went a lot better than I had expected.  And after having gone on it, I am actually very happy that I agreed to go on the date and that I met up with this guy.

“Bashful” decided to pick a restaurant that I have actually been wanting to try for awhile and haven’t gotten around to doing so, so I was actually pretty stoked to go to this restaurant.  I got there a bit early so I sat at the bar and chatted with the bartender.  Of course, like every other bar I go to, I made friends with the bartender and he made me a delicious custom drink with cognac, St. Germain, and a hint of yellow chartreuse.  It was DELICIOUS!  I never thought cognac was something I would enjoy, but the way he made the drink was delicious.

Anyways, when “Bashful” arrived, I was actually kind of awestruck.  While he looked fairly attractive in his profile picture, he was a lot better looking in person than I thought he would be.  Ya, he dressed a little frumpy, but he had just such a sweet face.  We got a table and initially, it was super awkward.  I have a feeling he doesn’t online date (granted, he DID write that he had just gotten out of a relationship on his profile) or know how to make a good first impression to begin with, because I felt like I was doing a lot of the talking.  And while I do love talking, it gets a bit awkward when I’m doing 90% of it.  So I started asking him a bunch of questions (I didn’t know what else to do…) and that most definitely got the conversation flowing.  I found out that he was an English major (as was I!!) and actually ended up getting his MA in English as well.  In addition to that, he also got his MBA in Finance.  This lead to our conversation on the fact that he used to teach English at a community college, but decided not to take that route this semester in order to further work on himself and what he really wants to do in life and to work on a business that he started with some people (in the coffee industry, roasting coffee and selling it to business).  The fact that we had our degrees in common was really exciting for me because I love finding other English majors.  We talked a lot about that…pretty much the basis of the majority of our conversation.  His main focus for English was in the psychoanalysis of literature which was really interesting to me, since mine was creative writing (hence the blog…I’ll eventually write about this in particular).  But psychoanalysis has always fascinated me in literature, so to hear someone’s take on it who truly studied it was awesome.  He started talking about how even how men and women communicate (or more so the lack of the ability to communicate properly) has everything to do with psychoanalysis.  With this he gave me the example of porn.  No joke.  But don’t worry, it’s actually a really smart analysis.  Anyways, he gave the dichotomy of there being male porn and female porn.  Male porn is completely devoid of emotion; he referred to this as “absent desire.”  It’s just straight to the point with no feelings involved whatsoever.  Where as female porn has desire, there’s usually dialogue or some sort of conversation going on besides just straight sex.  Emotion is a huge factor in female porn.  And when you think of it, even if some of us ladies like hardcore porn, he really does have a point.  It’s why we like things such as Twilight (not me, but I’m sure others do) and Fifty Shades of Grey. (Seriously, Wikipedia should love me for how many times I reference things back to their site) And it’s SO true!  He related this back to communication between men and women in that women speak from emotion, while men do not.  Obviously, this isn’t always true, but as a generalization, it most definitely is.  His knowledge about this and just how easy it was for him to turn something like porn into a completely psychoanalytical subject just blew my mind.

While we talked a lot about him, he didn’t really ask me much about myself, which I guess was okay.  Just kind of weird since in his initial message to me he said he wanted to ask me a bunch of things.  The date ended much earlier than I had expected (I had prepared myself for a long night of boring conversation and it only ended up last about 1 hour and 45 minutes), which was both good and bad.  Good in the sense that I don’t really like staying out late on weeknights, but bad in the sense that I actually really enjoyed this guy’s company and I was sad to see it come to such a quick end.  But he was tired from working all day, which is something I completely understand.  We ended the night with a hug and went our separate ways.

*Positives: He’s cute, he’s smart, he has two masters, he majored in English (like myself), he’s super busy with work and life in general, he’s a bit awkward (but in a very endearing way), he’s a total foodie

*Negatives: He’s a bit awkward, he waited for me to bring up things to talk about (but maybe he was just really shy?), he’s just as busy as me, if not even more, his manners aren’t exactly up to par (didn’t walk me to my car really, didn’t let me walk out of the restaurant first, didn’t hold the door open, etc.)

Second Date?: I really do hope so, despite some of his negative qualities, he seemed like a really cool guy that I could find myself actually liking a lot.  =)

Date #27: “Needy”

Note: Yes, we’re back to the pseudo-dates!!  This wasn’t actually a date, but you could pretty much consider it one the way things went.

How We Met: I met him through What’s Your Price.  He seemed like a decent man, according to his profile he is looking for “wifey material” so I thought I’d give it a try.  Not saying I’m anywhere near being ready to get married or settle down, I just thought it was sweet that he wasn’t just looking for a one night stand.  We started messaging each other and eventually I gave him my number.  And here’s where things go downhill….

-Rating (all based off website and correspondences):

*Physical Aesthetics: 6

*Appearance: 6

*Personality: 4

*Manners: N/A

*Intelligence: 4

*Confidence: 4

*Overall Rating: 4

The “Date”: So actually, this is happening/ending as I’m writing this.  I was supposed to eventually go on a date with this guy, but I’ve been so busy with work, writing in this blog, working on myself, and trying to fit in a social life somewhere in between, that I haven’t gotten around to doing so.  I’m pretty sure sometime during our earlier correspondences  I told him I was busy and that I would let him know when I was available to hang out, but apparently this guy did not understand what being busy meant.  He continued to text me quite a bit.  Now, this is obviously not an issue because what girl doesn’t love a guy texting her, and showering her with attention??  The issue arose when he would text me, and not even 5-10 minutes after texting me, if I hadn’t responded, he would ask me, “Are you awake?” or “Are you asleep?”  This becomes an issue because if I was indeed sleeping, would I fucking write back?  NO YOU FUCKING DUMBASS.  Also, is a guy that needy (for lack of a better term) that he needs me to respond immediately to his text messages and if I don’t, he has to wonder where I am and what I am doing?  Seriously, so obnoxious.  So having already been extremely irritated with this guy, I was already not wanting to meet up with him.  But I figured since I’m still doing this blog, I might as well just go along with it.  That is until tonight.  I will be posting our latest correspondences for you to all enjoy (my commentary will be in parenthetical; also,  I guess this would be a good example as to why I should get a smartphone instead of typing out our entire conversation…):

Telephone call from “Needy”….I choose to ignore this because I haven’t had “me” time in a while, where I can just sit in peace and quiet by myself.  So yeah.

1 Minute later, text from “Needy”: hello how are you just thought I’d say hi (by the way, I’m writing this all verbatim, so any spelling errors is intentional, I am an excellent speller)

-8 Minutes later, text from “Needy”: Are you still up? (Seriously??  What if I was pooping or something and I couldn’t get to my phone??  I wasn’t, but I’m just saying, it could happen)

-Moi (and here is where all the built up annoyance from our earlier correspondences is released): Wow seriously you have got to calm down…1 phone call and two text messages??…that’s pretty intense and comes off as extremely needy…not an attractive quality.  I am not always by my phone so I can’t answer immediately.  I am not in a place where I can answer phone calls at the moment. (That was a lie on my part)  You don’t have much experience with girls do you?

“Needy”: You can take it how you want to I just wanted to say hi n I have enough experience with girls how am I supposed to know you busy u never let me know that (actually I did, earlier this week I told him I was booked until next week).

“Needy” (2 minutes later): You gave me your number to call you correct? If you didn’t want me calling you shoulda gave it to me wat kinda experiAnce you gat with guys or are you the flaky wishy washy type I just thought you’d be different

-Moi: I’m pretty sure I said in an earlier correspondence that I’m a very busy person.  And yes I did give you my number so we could speak to one another, but I did not expect someone who needed copious amounts of immediate attention. (Okay, so maybe I’m being a little dramatic here…but just a little!)  I am not flaky (for people I care about…), I’m just a busy person.  I think you need someone who is as dependent as you, and unfortunately that is not me.  So I wish you good luck in your journey of finding that.  (I thought that was nice of me…yeah?)

-“Needy”: Watever.  Peace

-“Needy” (3 minutes later): And I’m not dependent or needy I just don’t play games so maybe you need someone as busy as you don’t try n make me seem desperate cause that aint me I’m just not a workaholic like you (Okay that’s fair, I may be a tad bit of a workaholic…)

-Moi: Haha not a workaholic (lie), I just have something called a life (true), that includes friends, writing (this blog!!!), working on me, and yes, work is included in that too.  Incessantly text messaging me including asking me if I’m awake only minutes after already sending me a text message is a pretty clear sign of dependency.  But like I said, I hope you find what you’re looking for.  BTW, work on your spelling and grammar, it’s horrendous.  (You should have seen some of the previous texts he sent me…I want to cringe with how awful his spelling and grammar was.  This round of text messages wasn’t so bad)

-“Needy”: Bitch whatever GO FUCK YOURSELF!  Did I spell that right cool have a nice night 🙂

-Moi: Good job, you just passed 3rd grade spelling!!  🙂  Good luck in your endeavors dear! (I’d like to think I’m pretty damn well at being facetious, wouldn’t you agree??)

“Needy”: Yeah you too 🙂

So yeah, that’s how that ended.  Probably for the best.  I could only imagine how much of a bitch I would have been if we actually went out on a date.

*Positives: He’s not just looking for a hook up, he seems to want to somewhat settle down (this could also be a negative essentially), he’s going to school to be a dental hygienist

*Negatives: He is too needy (in my opinion), has no sense of patience (something every man needs when dealing with me), has awful spelling and grammar, and needs a lot of attention

Second First Date?: No.  Fuck no.

Random: I’m Priceless…or Am I?

In hopes to reach my 50 dates by the end of the year, and since I’m extremely behind as it is, I’ve decided to try online dating.  If you have been following me throughout my journey, I’ve been contemplating with this idea for quite some time now (see previous entry regarding this).  I’m not very keen on the idea of meeting someone through something that is completely inorganic and completely impersonal…BUT as the saying goes, “don’t knock it till you try it.”  So I’m trying it.

Eventually, I want to have about 3-4 different profiles up on different websites.  I’ve heard that there are many differences between all the dating websites (i.e. OkCupid has a more mature feel, whereas Plenty of Fish has a younger, immature feel), so I’d like to experience all of the different websites.

As of now, I am currently signed up to one dating website at the suggestion of a friend.  Apparently it’s smaller than the others and is a start-up company.  She saw it and thought of me.  It’s called What’s Your Price.  Now, I wouldn’t really consider this your normal dating website since a person (called “The Attractive) is paid by another person (called “The Generous”) to go on a date with them.  It’s more so…a classier sort of escort service, to say the least.  How it works is either “The Generous” makes an offer to “The Attractive” or asks them how much they’d like in order to go on a date.  From there, “The Attractive” either accepts an offer, rejects an offer, or names their price.  “The Generous” cannot contact “The Attractive” further than making an offer until “The Attractive” accepts their offer.  If “The Attractive” accepts, messages can be sent to one another and dates can be set up.  There’s a whole bunch of rules regarding this type of dating, such as not soliciting for sex (no shit) and actually following through on the dates.  The only downside is that depending on the amount of the offer of “The Generous”, they are required to pay the website (in the form of credits) an allotted amount per conversation.  Granted, the website claims that this feature differentiates the ACTUAL generous people (a.k.a. gentleman) from the losers who were never really that generous from the get go, since a true generous would pay to talk to someone.

I made my profile a couple of nights ago and put up the prettiest pictures I could find of myself.  I figured, shit, if I’m getting paid for this, I might as well show these men myself at my best!!  I know that a bunch of my friends who have signed up for dating websites have run into people they know in person on it, but I didn’t expect that on this website since most of the people I know aren’t rich enough to pay anyone for a date haha.  But lo and behold, the first person I see on the website is this guy who my best friend “Tinky Winky Pooh Bear” went to prom with when we were sophomores in high school; he was in LOVE with her, would come to all our tennis games at school and  buy her stuff and everything.  But he was just so awkward.  I think they eventually lost touch and stopped talking all-together.  But it was most definitely weird seeing him on that website.  Hopefully he doesn’t remember me haha.  In searching the website, I also noticed (and am not surprised) that the majority of  “Generous” people are much older (mid-30’s to mid-40’s).  Makes sense, but I’ve always preferred the younger sort and men closer to my age, so this makes things a bit difficult.  Anyways, so far I have gotten offers for $20, $50, and $100 dates.  Sticking with my whole M.O. of not denying anyone this year, I accepted all 3 dates.  Not gonna lie, and it’s honestly not because of the money, but the $100 guy was the most appealing.  Unfortunately, two of them ($20 and $100) haven’t even read the messages I sent them and $50 has, but hasn’t responded.  So I’m not sure just how effective this website is for dating.

Either way, based on just this experience so far in online dating, I’m still not sold.  In writing my profile, I wasn’t even sure WHAT to write.  I’m almost certain I sound like a fucking idiot, and even worse in the messages I sent these men.  I don’t know…I think it’s just the idea of knowing that the only reason you are both trying to contact one another is for the purpose of dating that throws me off.  I will most definitely be joining another dating website in the near future, but I’m not sure how long my stint with these websites will last.  I do at least hope to score a few dates this way though!!

Random: “We met through the taps of a keyboard, with a screen between us…”

So when I first started this blog, I made the decision that if I didn’t get halfway through my goal (my goal is 50 men by the end of the year, so 25 men) halfway through the year (so the end of June), I would join an online dating website.  At the moment, I am at 13 dates, with 12 more dates to go to get to my “halfway through the year” goal of 25 and there’s only 2 more weeks until June.  Unless I step up my game and go on at least 2 dates a week (which is highly unlikely since I’m so busy with work) or find the “Prince Charming” who “ends” my blog, it looks as though online dating is in my near future.

While I am not one to judge anyone on how they meet their significant other, for me personally, I find online dating to be a bit superficial and fake.  You look at other people’s profiles and based off their picture (because let’s be honest, when it comes to things like that, we all look at aesthetics first), you decide whether you want to get to know them more.  From there, you look at the information listed on their profile that may (or may not) be true.  With all that information, it’s then when you decide to contact this person to perhaps get to know them further than what is written/posted on their walls.

I feel this is so superficial and fake because one has yet to experience this person in “real life,” if you will,….has yet to truly see another’s emotion and another’s way of socializing.  Basically, a person is judging you/you’re judging a person based off what you believe is true based on the information given.  You’re fed the information without really having your own, personal opinion about said person and based on this, you must make a decision whether to converse with this person or not, and perhaps even meet up.  So, in short, you may or may be speaking/meeting up with someone on completely false pretenses, from the information they said about themselves on their profiles to their profile pictures.

But….who am I to even have an opinion on this?  Many people have met their soul mates on one of these websites I consider superficial and here I am, only at date #13.  Clearly, they’re winning, and I’m not.

ANYWAYS…the reason I am writing this entry is because I need the help of all you lovely people out there who follow my blog!!  I need to know, either from your experience or from what you’ve heard from others, what is the best way to go about dating online.  I need to know the best websites, what to put on my profile, etc.  Any tips are greatly appreciated!!  Please leave all tips in the comment box below in opposed to other ways (aka Facebook, text, etc.) so I can compare and contrast opinions all in one place.  I most definitely would like to hear opinions on best dating websites.  I don’t want one I have to pay for, and I want one that’s pretty self explanatory.  So please, lovelies, send me your suggestions!!  Thanks so much!!  =)