Tag Archive | Love

Random: *Updates* (Dates #1-8, “Mr. Big”‘s, General)

So I’ve decided to do updates every so many dates on how everything is going concerning said dates or just in my dating life in general.  A lot of stuff happens that I haven’t really included in my blog since I just write about individual dates and men, so I thought I’d give everyone an inside glimpse to the stuff happening (meeting men, etc.) when I’m not going on dates!!  =)

*Date Updates*

Date #1: “Sunshine”:  After this date, we actually didn’t see each other again.  He’d call me to hang out every once in awhile, but apparently he didn’t think what I was doing was fun, so we wouldn’t meet up.  Last time I spoke to him, he had moved out of state for a job.

Date #2: “Babyface”: I’ve actually spoken to and bumped into “Babyface” a couple of times since our date, but we haven’t really hung out.  The last time I saw him was on St. Patty’s Day.  We just happened to be at the same bar (we were waiting for people, he was looking for his brother).  We tried to hang for a bit, but the chaos of St. Patty’s Day just got in the way and we didn’t get a chance.

Date #3: “Dum-Dum”: To be honest, we haven’t really spoken much or anything since our date.  He chatted me on Facebook maybe a month or so ago, but our conversation was really brief and we clearly had nothing to talk about.  Apparently he was supposed to move to Ohio for a job by the end of March, but didn’t get it.  Besides that, the only thing I know about him is that he is still constantly smoking weed.  Gross.

Date #4: “D-Bag”: This dumbass actually had the nerve to text me the next day to “formally” thank me for giving him and his ugly friend a ride home.  I responded with, “You’re Welcome” and haven’t spoken to him since.  I think I deleted him off Facebook not too long after that.  He claimed to my friend that he didn’t remember anything from that night (can we say alcoholic…) and pretty much brushed it off.  Weirdly enough, he hasn’t really spoken to my friend much since the incident either.  What a fucking pussy.

Date #5: “Meathead”:  He wrote me a message on Facebook about a week ago saying he had lost his phone, gave me his new number, and told me to text him (which I of course did not).  I gave him some lame ass excuse as to how I was busy with work (which is true) and didn’t have time.  Weirdly enough, this past weekend I bumped into him downtown as I was walking towards my car.  He was clearly drunk and looking at me all grossly like he used to when we were together….like the look of “I like you so much.”  Ugh.  Anyways, we spoke briefly, he told me again to text him and reminded me about the message he had sent me on Facebook, looked at me grossly, and we parted ways.  I’m pretty sure he still has lingering feelings for me from back in the day, but that ship has long sailed and passed.

-Date #6: “Ninja Monkey”: We didn’t really talk much after our date.  I would randomly see him at the gym as he was leaving and as I was just arriving, and he would give me a really awkward hug and then leave.  We’ve been seeing each other more at the gym lately and chatting a bit but that’s all.  He knows I’m super busy with work so he leaves it alone.

Date #7: “Perfect Ass“: For as close as we are, we actually haven’t spoken since he left town.  I’m really hoping he gets the job out here so he can move back!

Date #8: “Buddy”: We’ve been chatting a bit since our date.  We’re supposed to hang out tomorrow, so we’ll see what happens!!  This would be the first person I’ve gone on a second date with.  Kinda weird, but kinda cool.  He’s a nice guy.  =)

*”Mr. Big” Updates*

“Mr. Big” (Past):  Weirdly enough, a little less than a month after I wrote about him, he called me really late at night/early in the morning (what’s new…).  I missed the call and didn’t feel the need to call him back.   I thought maybe he was in town, but I’m most definitely over being called at “booty call hour,” even if that’s not what he was trying to do.  We spoke on Facebook chat maybe a week or two after he called me.  He was going to move back out here, but I guess he wants to get into finance so he’s going to stay out there and find a job in that.  He’s working for some medical company in the sales department currently.  That’s really all we talked about.  WE only ever have good conversations in person, so I’m not surprised.  I really hope he doesn’t move back….but that could make for some interesting writing in this blog if he does….

“Mr. Big” (Present):  I started talking to him again this month because I missed not talking to him.  Nothing has really change, although our conversations seem very…I wouldn’t say forced, but not the way they used to be.  Not very flirty anymore, almost seems like we’re both holding back on things to say to one another.  I actually mentioned this blog to him (but didn’t tell him of the contents or that I’ve written about him) and he was very intrigued and really wanted to read it.  I have yet to send it to him, but maybe in time if things change I will.  We’ve really only talked about very trivial things, and I honestly think it has to do with what happened with us and just the situation at hand.  I’m sure we’ll continue with this for quite some time at the rate things are going.  While I still do care about him (why, don’t ask me why…), I’m not holding my breath for anything at the moment.

*Leslie Updates*

And the best update for last….ME!!  Lately, like I mentioned in my last entry, I’ve been feeling pretty lonely and stuck.  I’ve been feeling like everyone else is moving on and finding people, and I’m kind of at a stand still.  But like always, when I feel this way, things always turn for the better.  About 2 weekends ago, I met a bouncer at a club downtown while I was waiting for my friend to get there for her birthday.  We got to talking and I didn’t think much of it, just that he was pretty cute, really nice, and was my age.  Well this past Friday, I ended up at that club and he remembered me =).  So we ended up talking a LOT of the night, just about random stuff.  I then ended up meeting some other guy that same night, at the same club, who was from Bosnia who was FUCKING SEXY.  I got pretty drunk and ended up making out with him and dancing with him.  We’ve been texting since we met so he could be date #9 (perhaps…).  He was kinda a bit too forward for me (such are those Eastern Europeans), so I gave my number to my bouncer to save me if I needed it.  But I ended up ditching the Bosnian and talking to my bouncer for the rest of the night.  I told him to call me, and he said maybe he would (rude) but I could always come visit him at work.  That kind of irritated me, but I went with it.  The next night I ended up being in the area so I went to go see him again, and we talked for awhile again.  This time, we were both definitely more flirty, so hopefully something comes out of it (maybe Date #10?).  I’m most definitely attracted to both men, more so my bouncer because we’ve actually had a legit conversation without being inebriated.  Either way, my lonely feeling has most definitely dissipated.  =)

Random: You hate me?!?! I LOVE you!!

The age old, cliche/quote that ruins us all when it comes to relationships at one point or another: “I want what I can’t have.”

But why?  Why are we, as human beings, so fascinated with things that we cannot attain?  What is it that draws us to something that is beyond our possession??

We’ve all been in this situation: we like a guy, or a girl, and for some reason we can’t have them.  Whether it be because they’re playing hard to get, they just don’t like us, they have issues they need to sort out, they’re just a straight up asshole, or they’re dating someone else.  And we WANT them.  BADLY.  All we can think about is them, and we won’t stop pursuing them until they are ours.  Some people even get so intense that they do crazy shit or say crazy things in order to get said person.  Usually, when this situation arises, the pursuer ends up getting hurt in one way or another, at times more than once.  Yet we continue to put ourselves through this purgatory because we so badly want this person.

Do we enjoy being hurt over and over again by dwelling on something/someone we can’t have?  It’s like something in our subconscious is saying, “Please, let me be hurt over and over and over again, just for this one person!” even though there are millions of other people out there in the world who are willing to love us just as much, or maybe even more than the prey that we keep hunting for.  Or maybe it’s society who puts this idea in our head – telling us to never give up on anything we want in life.  Which I completely agree with, and I truly think if we want something in life, we should fight for it,  but at the same time, is it worth all the pain, struggles, and tears if we continue to strive for someone yet inevitably can never have them?

I’ve seen many people go through this struggle, and I myself have many a times.  I’ve seen both sides too…the people who stuck in there and held out, fought for what they wanted for weeks, months, even more than a couple of years, and prevailed in the end.  And then there’s the people who did the same, and never “won,” if you will.  But in the process, there were many tears, lots of heartbreak, depression, sadness, and pain.  Is one person really worth pain and suffering??  And how do we know who is worth the fight and who isn’t?

But what if a person is our dreams?? What do we do then Gaga??

I think we all asked ourselves this question and want someone to just give us a damn answer already.  I wish I had even remotely the slightest clue on to what the answer is.  I struggle with this on a daily basis, with “Mr. Big (Present)” for one.  Sometimes I wonder if I’m just wasting all my thoughts, and time and tears on an individual who in time, I will most likely get over like the rest of the guys that have passed through my life.  Or is he really different than anyone else and worth fighting for?  If I choose to fight for him, will I be doing it in vain, or is this a test I’ve been given in life to see how strong I really am, and in time I’ll win?  I look at people who fought for years for someone, who stuck it out, and they finally got what they wanted and are happier than ever!  But I also see people who have fought and fought, suffered and shed more tears than they should, and in the end…they got nothing.  And then there’s people like me, who fought and fought for what I wanted (at the time “Mr. Big (Past)”), suffered through some horrible times, lots of tears, anguish, and eventually just gave up and decided that’s not what I wanted anymore.  But I look back on that time (3 years to be exact) and question whether I had just wasted my time.  I could always play the whole optimistic card and tell myself, “Oh it was a learning experience, I grew from it!”  But let’s face it honeys, I’m not getting any younger.  As a smart woman I know always says, “There’s always going to be someone prettier and younger than you the older you get.”

I’m not really sure where I was going with this entry, to be honest.  I guess I just wanted to address the fact that this is a huge dilemma throughout life, particularly concerning the relationships we go through in our lives.  It’s an issue that there appears to be no answer to.  And although it causes much suffering and heartache, we just can’t help from falling through its rabbit hole over and over again….

Note: I know I usually only write “random” entries in-between the dates I go on, but I’ve been slacking a bit on the dates, as you can see.  :-/  Anyways, I felt the need to write something since it’s been awhile since I’ve written anything, so here it is.  Don’t worry, my next entry will be a date one!!  =)