Tag Archive | Creeper

“Stoner”

I apologize for being M.I.A. for an extremely long time.  A lot of changes have been happening in my life – some for good, some for bad.  I will write an update here soon before the end of the  month.  But until then, please enjoy a write-up on a date I went on a few weeks ago.

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How We Met: We had actually “met” back in January at a shitty bar in the ‘burbs (same place I met “Humdrum”) where he was a bouncer at.  I was there for my friend’s birthday and “Stoner” kept smiling at me and checking me out.  As I was leaving, he mentioned that he really liked my straight hair.  And that was that.  A couple of weeks later, I ended up going back to this awful bar since “Indian Warrior” wanted to go out somewhere close to our houses.  That same bouncer was there and I guess he had remembered me from last time.  We talked a little bit more this time.  “Indian Warrior” noticed that he was staring and smiling at me every time I walked by, so she suggested that I keep talking to him.  At the end of the night as we were leaving, he told me that he hoped to see me again.  Being drunk and somewhat upset about how “Future Hubby” had been acting towards me, I was hoping that this guy would ask me for my number, but he didn’t.  So “Indian Warrior” (also drunk) took it upon herself to make it happen.  Such good friends I have, huh?  Anyways, she made it happen and we exchanged numbers.

-Rating:

*Physical Aesthetics: 7 (in a dark bar), but 5 (in a lighted area)

*Appearance: 5

*Personality: 4

*Manners: 7was

*Intelligence: 4

*Confidence: 6

*Overall Rating: 4-5

The Date: So I’m not going to lie, I was actually a bit excited for the date initially.  To the best of my memory, “Stoner” was relatively attractive and seemed fairly interested in getting to know one another.  Granted, he didn’t blow up my phone like most guys do, but I was actually okay with that.  Since we’re both so busy, it took us a bit of time to find a night to actually hang out.  I’m used to guys going after me, so it was a bit strange when he basically prompted me to contact him about the date on the day of, even though he ended up contacting me first anyways.

Earlier in the day, I told him to think of things for us to do.  I didn’t want to do the typical date stuff, because that’s just boring.  So when he called me, he suggested movies (boring), coffee (kinda boring, but better), or go-karting.  Um duh, which one do you think I picked?!  😉  So he offered to pick me up, and even walked up to my door instead of just calling me or texting me to tell me he was outside.  He also opened my door for me to get into the car.  I thought it was all super sweet.  And that’s about the only thing that I thought was sweet.

The minute we get in the car, he’s on his cell phone.  Granted, he was using GPS, but he was seriously GLUED to the thing.  I honestly don’t think he even paid attention to the first few things I said.  He was like in his own little world.  It was like that for about the first ten minutes in the car.  Finally he started talking to me and we made small talk.  I learned right off the bat that this guy was a complete joke.  First off, he definitely looked better in the dark lights of the bar I met him at.  Not attractive AT ALL in the light.  I mean, he wasn’t the ugliest thing out there, but definitely not a looker by any means.  He looked like straight up white trash (sorry if that offends anyone, I just don’t know how else to describe him).  He’s lived in various places, including Hawaii, South Dakota, Oregon, and California.  He graduated high school in South Dakota and from there went straight into construction.  I thought he was about my age, if not a little older or younger, but it turns out he’s actually 7 years older than me.  I think this really surprised me because 1.) He doesn’t look it at all and 2.) he just seemed a lot younger in both personality and maturity.  Based off just our conversations in the car, I could already tell I wasn’t going to like this guy.  Then he had to top it off with the fact that he’s a complete stoner.  Now, I don’t mind occasional drug use here and there.  It’s not personally my thing, but if it’s someone else’s, all the power to them.  But a complete stoner?  Absolutely not.  It most definitely put everything into perspective though (i.e. why he wasn’t listening to anything I was saying, why he would have delayed responses, etc.).

We finally get to the go-kart place and I’m super excited.  Then we find out it’s an hour wait.  Personally, I wouldn’t have minded waiting, but apparently he didn’t want to wait.  So we drove around trying to find something to do.  I suggested coffee so we found a Starbucks.  We got there right as they were closing so we grabbed some drinks and left.  We drove around for a bit and I was ready to just ask him to take me home, especially when I saw that he was taking me to the vicinity of his apartment.  He mentioned going to a bar around the area so I suggested we go there for a drink.  Thank god he agreed with the plan, since at this point I was already scared he was going to drug me or something.

At the bar, we order some drinks.  I had a wine, and just on a side note, it was the shittiest wine I’ve had in awhile.  So that just made my mood even worse.  Anyways, at this point we were barely talking, just saying things here and there with a lot of awkward moments of silence.  We talked a bit more here, and we have absolutely NOTHING in common.  I mean, the guy doesn’t even like sports.  I was so excited that the Nuggets game was on the t.v., and he could care less.  While I watched, he just kept playing on his phone.  I tried being nice, but my I’m-fucking-bored-and-clearly-not-interested persona started coming out.  At one point, after getting done in the restroom, he tried hugging me and kissing my cheek and I literally pushed him away, completely disgusted.  I guess this is just tangible proof that guys really don’t get hints whatsoever.  I wonder if anyone at the bar saw this awkward moment.  After this, shit got even more awkward than they already were.  He had one more drink while I just sat there sipping some water.  I really had to pee, but I was so scared he was going to slip me a roofie or something that I just held it in.  He had this really annoying stoner laugh that was just super obnoxious and I wanted to cringe every time he laughed.

Finally, after his third beer we left.  I was actually really apprehensive to have him drive me home since he mentioned he doesn’t really drink and then proceeded to drink 3 beers within less than an hour.  In the car, he apologized for making me uncomfortable by kissing me, to which I responded that it was okay (I lied).  At the intersection right before the area I live in, he most definitely ran a red arrow turning left, which scared the fuck out of me.  Luckily, there were no other cars in sight.  Either this guy was super drunk or super high…or maybe a bit of both.  When dropping me off, he got out of his car, opened my door for me, and walked me all the way to my door, stating that he was a good guy (something he had previously mentioned….).  He leaned in for a hug, but luckily not a kiss.  Phew.

I can honestly say, worst date.  Ever.

*Positives: He has some manners, he paid for everything

*Negatives: He didn’t appear to be listening to anything I had to say most of the time, he has a child and baby mama drama, he didn’t go to college, he’s not the brightest crayon in the box, he is a complete stoner (seriously got excited talking about weed), he had to mention he was a good guy on more than one occasion, is not attractive at all, we had nothing in common, nothing to really talk about.  It was all negatives, really.

Second Date?: He alluded to it on a couple of occasions, saying I was the first girl that he met at the bar that he actually went on a date with and that actually kept true to her word.  But if he texts me again, I’m most certainly telling him I’m not interested.

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Date #31: “Turtle”

How We Met: We met at a mutual friend’s going away party.  Really, I should use the term “met” loosely, considering the fact that he never actually introduced himself.  In fact, I had to go ask someone what his name was after like an hour because I felt bad that he had been in the same room as me and talking to me, but I didn’t even know his name.  Basically, at this going away party, it was segregated into a lot of people upstairs and a few people downstairs.  So being the lameass that I am, I chose to hang out with the calm, quiet, few people in the basement.  And “Turtle” was one of them.  Oh and on a sidenote, this nickname isn’t a reference to Turtle on Entourage, because I’m pretty sure even he has more game than this guy I went out with.  Anyways, towards the end of the night, this guy ended up sitting right next to me, and I noticed kept scooting closer and closer to me.  I’m not a shy person, so I didn’t mind this or think twice of it.  But it was to the point where when he left his seat momentarily, this cute little dog came and practically sat on my lap, and he made the dog move so he could sit by me when he came back, gently scolding the dog for even thinking about sitting by me.  WTF.  Okay, enough with the sidenotes…so “Turtle” leaves the party without saying bye and I don’t think anything of it.  Until I find out the next day that he managed to find me on Facebook (I’ve made myself fairly private) and added me as a friend.  Not wanting to be rude, and since I met him in person, I decided to accept his friend request.  He began to message me and we set up a date to meet.

-Rating:

*Physical Aesthetics: 4-5

*Appearance: 6

*Personality: 3-4

*Manners: 3-4

*Intelligence: 6

*Confidence: 4

*Overall Rating: 4

The Date: I’m to the point where I’m completely over going on all these awful dates.  I know why they’re awful too.  Because I’m just not into them, nor the guys they are with.  I would rather spend my free time with people I am 100% sure I will enjoy (a.k.a my friends).  Hence why I rarely go on dates on the weekends.  Waste my lovely weekend on some guy that I know nothing will work with?  Please.

Anyways, as I’ve clearly prefaced the following, this date wasn’t good either.  We decided to meet at a bar right by my work so I could just quickly run over there afterwards.  I sent him my phone number to text me, yet he was either too timid or doesn’t text (which I highly doubt), so I didn’t even know if he was at the bar or not at our planned time.  I told him (through Facebook) that I would have to still change and what not before I met him over there so I may be later than our planned time, and all he said was, “Well I’ll see you when you’re there.”  Strange.  I could have totally stood this guy up.  So of course I take my sweet ass time getting ready and having a drink with my favorite co-workers while I’m getting ready.  It was a little over 30 minutes after I told him I would be off work, and I still hadn’t heard from him.  For a second, I thought maybe he just didn’t show.  So I was SO tempted to not even make my way over to that bar and just hang out at work, because, well…I love my co-workers.  🙂  But I didn’t want to be a total bitch, plus I still need to get to 50 guys here, so I went.  It turns out he was already there at the bar, just waiting for me.  Why he couldn’t text me to let me know he was there, especially since I showed up very late?  I do not know.

I go to sit down, and he IMMEDIATELY begins to scoot his chair extremely close to me again.  And when I say close, I mean he was practically sitting in my lap by the end of our stay at the bar.  I just thought it was so weird, and maybe that’s his way of showing he likes a girl or whatever, but it’s strange.  Anyways, we start talking and I recognize immediately that we have nothing in common.  Whatsoever.  We hang out at very different places and enjoy doing very different things.  Okay…maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration.  But in my mind, we had nothing in common.  He works at a company that he started, working with hedge funds.  He works from home.  He goes out every once in awhile with his friends.  I did most of the talking.  Booooooring.  Luckily, my co-workers were still at work and texting me so I decided to move our date to my work, which I know is lame, but at least I would have all my favorites there to witness how awful this was all going.  As we’re closing our bill, I reach for my credit card, and “Turtle” doesn’t even blink.  He doesn’t offer to buy my drink, and just puts his credit card down and tells the bartender to split it.  Seriously??  Again, not saying I need to be paid for, but at least FUCKING OFFER!!  Be a fucking gentleman!!  I know I’m a bit of a princess in that, but I can’t help it – the guys in my life take care of me without question, so I’m just used to it.  And even when I try to buy them stuff, they refuse and make me put my money away.  True gentleman they are.  So of course I was already irritated that he didn’t offer, but I still let him come hang out with me at work.

We get to my work, and since I had been texting my co-worker “E-Slide” on how awful the date had been going already, you could tell everyone either already knew this or in their head were thinking, “What the fuck is she doing with a guy like that?!”  He just gave off a weird vibe.  Like a super timid, awkward vibe.  Anyways, we go to sit down and of course, again, he scoots his chair so close to me he’s practically in my lap.  Why he thinks this is attractive in any way, I’m not too sure.  Because I don’t like having someone I’m already uncomfortable with that close to me…ever.  But yes, he was practically in my lap again.  Luckily, my boss and “E-Slide” were in the vicinity so we all just start talking.  I kind of felt bad because at that point I kind of started ignoring him (or at least tried my best to).  He started GAWKING at me, even when I was just listening to someone else talk.  Instead of looking at the person talking, what most socially competent people would do, I would catch him just gawking at me in such a creepy way.  I seriously just wanted to die on the inside.  So can you really blame me for ignoring him?  Plus I noticed that he would change how he spoke to my boss (who’s a guy) in opposed to me or “E-Slide” – like the inflection in his voice and his demeanor changed, almost as if to “look cool” or “fit in.”  So unattractive.  He kept asking me when I was free again, and what I was going to be doing over the weekend, and luckily I’m busy so I told him that.  He seemed bummed, for what reason I don’t know, because I’m pretty sure I gave him every sign in the book that I wasn’t interested in him at all in the least bit.  When it was time to leave, “E-Slide” wanted me to walk her to her car since this one creepy security guard has been lurking around lately, so I told her I would.  “Turtle” was parked in front of the first bar we were at, which was only a block and 1/2 down the street from where we were at so I thought we were going to part ways.  But being the dumbass I can be sometimes, I offered to give him a ride to his car, which for some reason he agreed to.  Again, what the fuck.  I didn’t have a drink at work so I didn’t think to tip my boss (he was bartending), but “Turtle” definitely had two drinks, and not only did he not make any offer of payment, he didn’t even try tipping.  Horrible impression to make on someone who works in the industry.

So I walk “E-Slide” to her car, and then drive “Turtle” to his.  The entire time he’s trying to talk about my car like he knows cars so well and keeps comparing it to a hybrid.  At this point, I’m already so grossed out and not attracted to him, that I just can’t even really listen to him nor take him seriously.  We get to his car, and he gives me an awkward hug where he accidentally (but probably not accidentally, let’s be real) brushes up against my boob, then leaves.  Ugh.

*Positives: I really wish I could think of even one.  Oh…I guess he’s somewhat intellectual since he majored in biology.  And he’s from Chicago, and I’m in love with that city.  That’s about it.

*Negatives: He’s not physically attractive in any way whatsoever, he is extremely awkward, HE DIDN’T PAY FOR HIS DRINK AT MY WORK NOR TIP MY BOSS, didn’t offer to buy me a drink, weirdly kept scooting closer and closer to me, attempted to touch my leg or back every so often and it just came off as super weird and creepy, kept gawking at me for no apparent reason (also super creepy), is socially inept, has no characteristics I desire whatsoever, and clearly can’t take a hint.

Second Date?: No.  Absolutely not.  He sent me a message over Facebook (why can’t the fucker just text me?!) asking me what I was doing this weekend which I ignored.  Finally, this prompted him to text me super late at night asking me where I was at.

Date #9: “Interrogator”

Note: While this may not be considered to some as a date, due to the nature of the situation and the absurdity of this man (as you will read), I am counting it as one.

How We Met:  A co-worker of mine (thanks “Becky”!) set us up.  She’s known about my blog for some time and has wanted to help me find some guys to date/write about.  And while this set up definitely gives me something to write about, I must say it is by far the WORST set up I’ve ever had.  Haha.  I still love you “Becky”, don’t worry!!

-Rating:

*Physical Aesthetics: 4 (from what I could tell from a picture he sent me)

*Appearance: 4

*Personality: 3

*Manners: 5 (kind of)

*Intelligence: N/A (I couldn’t tell)

*Confidence: 3

*Overall Rating: 3

The “Date”:  If anyone ever says that a date cannot happen over text message, I would beg to differ.  I can honestly say that I may be one of the only people I know (if not THE only person) to have gone on a date via text message.  Yep, it happened.  While I was at work.

Like I said previously, my co-worker “Becky” has been helping me find a date over the past couple of days and suggested I check out “Interrogator.”  Although I could already tell he wouldn’t be my type (yes, I can be that shallow sometimes, determining whether I will work out with someone based on their looks), but since I told myself that I would be open to ANYONE, I agreed for her to set me up with him.  While we were at work, she sent him my number.  Almost instantaneously, I received two text messages from him stating who he was and asking how my night was.  Initially, I thought, “Okay, perfect, I found Date #9!”  But just as soon as I thought that, “Interrogator” ruined that.  After I responded, not only did he text me back instantly, he sent me a picture of himself.  No, not of down there, thank God.  Because if he did, I would have reported that to the cops!  But he sent me a picture of his face.  Now, maybe it’s just me, but I thought it was SUPER weird.  Why, within the first few minutes of speaking to someone, THROUGH TEXT MESSAGE, would you send them a picture of yourself?!  He also sent me a text within the first few texts asking me if he was bothering me.  Again, this is all within less than 10 text messages, within a few minutes of even having spoken to someone.  After that, I knew it was all going to go downhill.

We continued to converse via text for hours (from about 7pm to about 1am in the morning), with him sending me multiple text messages at a time, asking me a plethora of questions.  Now, there’s nothing wrong with asking a person questions, especially when you’re trying to get to know them.  But his questions not only seemed forced, but it was as if I was interviewing for a new job and he was interrogating the shit out of me.  In addition to this, spurts of insecurity would seep out through his text messages, making him more unattractive as the conversation continued.  There were times where the things he said conflicted with one another, for example, him saying I was pretty, but then later on, 4 or so hours later, asking me for a picture of myself (fucking creepy as shit…).  While planning our date (which was supposed to occur on Monday), he told me he was a photographer and asked if I he could take my pictures.  I’m sorry, but that shit is just sketchy.  Why the hell would I let some stranger take pictures of me?!?!?!  It was as if I had totally found a guy off of a “To Catch a Predator” type show, who takes pictures of their victims before they kill them.  No, thank you, I am not looking to die anytime soon.

Eventually, I got sick of answering a bunch of  trivial questions and told him that he should probably stop asking me questions unless he wanted us to have nothing to talk about on our date.  He proceeded to “lol” at this and ask (yes another question) if we were just supposed to not talk until Monday.  I told him that maybe Monday was a bad idea, to which he agreed to (which again, contradicts his excitement to be going on a date earlier) and we ended it at that.  I haven’t spoken to him since (thank the Lord!!).

I could tell by a lot of his messages that he rarely dates and is maybe unsure of himself when speaking to women.  He is terribly insecure and I would go so far as to say that he is possibly socially incompetent.  I was annoyed with him pretty much right off the bat.  Based off of his ridiculous text messages (which I will most definitely include in my He Said WHAT?! section), I’d say this guy hasn’t the slightest clue how socially inept he is.  For his own sake, I hope he realizes it before it’s too late.

*Positives: His job is actually pretty admirable, he helps disabled men live as normal of a life as possible or something like that.  Basically, he aids the disabled.  Besides that, no positives.

*Negatives: EVERYTHING.  His looks (based off the picture he sent me), his personality, his whole demeanor, he’s insecure, he’s socially inept, he doesn’t know how to converse in what is considered a “normal” fashion, etc.  I could go on for days.

Second First Date?:  No.  Fuck no.