“Secret Sleaze”

How We Met: So this guy was supposed to be one of my 50 Dates back in 2012.  My boss “Ashlynn Peppermint” put us in contact.  He met this guy at a bar that he frequents and I guess they had become fairly good friends.  We had texted back and forth a couple of times, not ever coming up with a time that worked for both of us.  Finally, he just stopped texting me so I assumed that was that and didn’t really think twice about it.  After about a month or two of not hearing from him, I get a text out of nowhere from “Secret Sleaze” asking if I still wanted to hang out.  While I had already been hanging out with “Future Hubby”, I still wasn’t sure what we were, nor how exclusive we were.  Plus I think he was pissing me off at the time.  So I decided to go meet up with “Secret Sleaze” for a bit at a bar he was at.  He was really sweet and nice, and conversation flowed pretty well.  So we decided to set up an actual date for later in the week.


*Physical Aesthetics: 7

*Appearance: 8

*Personality: 10

*Manners: 5 & 10 (I’ll explain later)

*Intelligence: 7

*Confidence: 5-6 & 10 (again, I’ll explain)

*Overall Rating: 7

The Date: So we decided to go to the restaurant that he was supposed to take me to last year (is it just me, or is it weird to say “last year” and be referring to 2012??).  I had heard a lot of good things about this place, so I was pretty excited.  Plus he seemed like a really cool guy from just having hung out with him the one time and chatting through text, so that was nice too.

We met at the restaurant, and immediately the conversation started flowing – just like the previous time we hung out.  We talked about everything under the sun, from alcoholic drinks we like, to cars and racing them, to what we want to do with our lives.  It was really nice to go on a date with a guy who could actually keep up in conversation.  During a lot of my dates, I felt I had to try and keep conversation going and there’d be awkward moments of silence.  But not with this one!  He’s pretty funny too, so I was laughing a lot of the time.  I felt like we had a lot of good things in common, such as our love for music and our love for cars.  And the food was great too, though a bit out of the ordinary.  We ordered stuff to share and got this appetizer called “Fries with Eyes”, which was whole fried smelt with an aioli sauce.  It was really good!!  I’ve eaten a lot of weird shit, so this didn’t even phase me.  I’m not going to lie, at some points during the date I was thinking that maybe things could work out with this guy and that maybe “Future Hubby” just wasn’t the one for me at all, even though I’d already fallen for him and considered him my potential “TOWWETB”.

But there were definitely two things in our conversation that completely stuck out to me in a not so positive way.  The first would be the fact that he’s already been married and divorced.  While there isn’t anything wrong with that and I’m not one to judge a person on whether they’ve been divorced or not, I think the thing that bothered me about the fact is that it all happened at such a young age (he’s only a couple of years older than me and I’m in my twenties, so you can do the math).  He had told me he married his high school sweetheart and then a year ago they decided they weren’t really that into each other anymore.  It’s sweet to marry your high school sweetheart, but to me it’s a sign of immaturity to not only think you’re going to love your high school sweetheart forever (again, not judging people because it DOES happen and DOES work), but also to get married so soon in life.  If you truly loved a person, couldn’t you wait till you’re a bit older and maybe grow up a bit before you make a decision like that??  Marriage isn’t something to be taken so lightly.  I just feel that people who get married so young or so soon aren’t thinking realistically.  Or maybe I’m just too jaded to understand that kind of emotion.  I’m sure it’s a mix of both the former and the latter.  Plus, I’m not one to want to deal with any excess baggage; NO THANK YOU!  Anyways, on to the next subject.  The second thing that stuck out to me was his outlook on life.  I’m somewhat of a free spirit in that I don’t believe in wasting my young life away slaving away at work all the time.  Don’t get me wrong – I’ve done it in the past.  And looking back on it now, while I don’t regret it, I sometimes wish I hadn’t been working so much and had taken time for myself, to just enjoy life.  His whole outlook on life is the complete opposite of mine – his plan is to work as much as he can now and work as hard as he can so that eventually, later on in life, he’ll hopefully have a couple million in the bank and he could just live off that for the rest of his life.  Then hopefully then he’d have someone to just sit around and enjoy it with.  While I’m sure that’s the dream of a lot of people, I guess I just don’t understand it.  By the time I’m old and wrinkly, I just want to sit on my ass.  In my world, NOW is the time to be doing what you love, NOW is the time to be enjoying your life, NOW is the time to be experiencing things.  Plus, I feel when someone is so into their job that they don’t have time for anything else, they also don’t have time for dating or finding someone to date.  Or if they do have someone, they’ll never have time for that person and that person will eventually find someone who does have time for them.  So inevitably, the person who makes their job #1 above all will always be alone.  And that’s most definitely not something I want.

Okay wow, totally off topic.  Talk about a long ass rant.  Let’s digress and go back to the main point of this post….

So after dinner I offered to drive him home since he had taken a cab to the restaurant.  On the walk back to my car, it was freezing and I didn’t have a thick jacket, so he put his arm around me.  Normally, I’d consider this cute, but really it was kind of awkward.  I failed to mention earlier that “Secret Sleaze” is little…like when I wear heels, I feel like we’re the same height.  And I’m itty bitty.  So one little person attempting to hold another little person is just all too awkward.  Sorry short guys of the world, short girls don’t really like short guys either, you’re SOL.  Anyways, I drive him home and he asks me if I want to come inside and watch a movie with him.  Granted, it was only 10pm but he had to wake up at 4am so I told him I didn’t want to keep him up and I declined.  He kept trying to get me to come in, saying it was okay if I kept him up and what not.  But I put my foot down and said no.  Besides, I really just wanted to go home…I’ve been kind of a lameass homebody as of late so yeah.  Right before he left my car, he pulled my face to his and gave me a kiss.  Again, one of those moments that are supposed to be cute, but I honestly felt it was super awkward.  Because I sure as hell was not feeling that that was going to be the next move.  And it was after this that I came to the realization that he’s a bit of a sleaze.

Why you might ask…everything that had happened so far seems pretty innocent, yes?  Well…not quite.  It was until that moment when he practically insisted I come inside with him then kissed me that I put everything together.  The first night we met up was the night before New Years Eve.  Being the party girl that I am, I wanted to get a good night’s rest so that I could party it up the next night.  So I told him I was just going to hang out with him for a bit.  That night…THE VERY FIRST NIGHT WE HAD EVEN MET ONE ANOTHER, he tried to get me to stay out with him later, saying, “Oh you could just sleep over at my place.  You could even have your own side of the bed,” trying to make it sound innocent.  The on New Years Eve, I had sent him a text saying that I wasn’t going to be able to meet up with him because I was at a friend’s place and already drunk.  His response to this was, “You can come crash at my place.”  And then on our actual date, he kept asking me to come inside.   I realized after I put these 3 things together that he must have some assumption that I’m a complete whore and just go home with any guy.  Maybe…JUST MAYBE….he was trying to be friendly and just concerned about me drinking and driving or something.  But if I’m already at my friend’s house, why would you make an offer to have me come crash at your place??  Clearly they’re not going to kick me out.  And if that first night he was just trying to be nice, I feel like telling me I could sleep in his bed next to him isn’t the way to do it.  Something more along the lines of….”If you need a place to stay because you’ve been drinking, you’re always welcomed to stay at my place.”  Not, “You can sleep in my bed.  You can have your own side.”  What the fuck.  Seriously.  This goes back to the whole manners thing from above.

Again, I might be blowing everything out of proportion, but personally it didn’t seem like an innocent thing.  It pretty much sounded like this entire time he was just trying to get me to sleep with him.  And we all know I’m no hoe so it’s not just gonna happen like that!!  Hmph!

*Positives: He’s actually pretty attractive, he dresses well, he’s great conversation, he’s funny, he likes to go out and have fun, he grew up racing cars so he really knows how to drive a car

*Negatives: He’s really short, he’s already been married and divorced, he didn’t go to college (I know this makes me sound like such a bitch, but I really just can’t do guys who didn’t go to school…), he’s kind of a sleaze, I noticed that he makes fun of himself a lot and then tries to justify it right after which to me is pretty damn insecure (just own it; don’t justify it!), I feel like there have been instances where he tries too hard to be funny (which goes back to the confidence thing up above), he’s not a huge fan of sports

Second Date?: Honestly, I probably still would go on a second date with him because he was good conversation and a nice guy.  But since I have “Future Hubby”, it’s probably not going to happen.

5 thoughts on ““Secret Sleaze”

  1. We have the same outlook on life. My grandma, who has Alzheimer’s, told me once (in a lucid moment) that I needed to go out and do everything that I wanted to do while I still had the brain to enjoy it. Sooooo yea. There you have it. 🙂

    Aaaaand yea, he’s a sleaze. Sounds like he’d be fun to hang around though, but maybe in a group setting.

    I’m guessing things with Future Hubby are going really well which makes me super happy for you!!

    • Oh that’s just beautiful!!! I never even thought about it like that, but your grandma is totally right!!
      Yep if I hang out with him again, it will definitely be in a group setting and I would probably stay fairly sober in fear of being tricked into going home with him haha.
      I’ll write an update today, but unfortunately things are very up and down with “Future Hubby” 😦

  2. I’m gonna jump in here on defense of us men who married young and have a divorce on their record. :p Granted, my ex and I didn’t get married right out of high school or anything. And we never dated in high school. lol.

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