Date #33: The Return of “Mr. Big (Present)”

Note: This wasn’t actually a date, but based on our situation and his current relationship status, this is about as close to a date as we’re going to get.

How We Met: Enlighten yourselves if you haven’t already before, “Mr. Big (Present)”


*Physical Aesthetics: 7, but when he takes his clothes off – 9

*Appearance: 7

*Personality: 10

*Manners: 1 & 10 (I’ll explain later)

*Intelligence: 10

*Confidence: 10

*Overall Rating: 9

The “Date”: A little over a week ago, we had made a bet over the 49ers vs. Bears game.  I LOVE games and bets where there’s something to gain or lose, so I just had to make a bet on this game.  I really should have made the bet with my potential “TOWWETB” since he’s from the Windy City and loooooves the Bears, but I’m awkward, and I get scared to talk to someone too much when I like them…like I get scared that I’m bothering them…which I guess shows just how much I really do like him.  And yes, there will be a date soon with him, I’m just getting over my fears.  Anyways, so instead I made a bet with “Mr. Big (Present)”.  He said he’s not really into American football (he plays soccer) except for the Broncos, but that he would make the bet with me anyway.  I let him set the wager and of course, he picked a blowjob as the wager (mind you, the fucker has a girlfriend).  I agreed to it and that was that.  I knew I was going to win  because I just have that much faith in my Niners.  No matter where in this world I move to, I will always be true to my hometown.  🙂

So as I predicted, I won the bet.  In fact, if anyone watched that game, it was pretty sad on the Bears part.  They didn’t even score a point until after halftime.  Anyways, I get a text from “Mr. Big (Present)” about how upset he is that he lost our bet and asking me when I’d like that blow job.  This continued into multiple text messages and Facebook chats over the next week and a half about  blowjobs.  Seriously, it was all we talked about.  How to give one, examples of how to give one (I sent him a visual of a transvestite getting a blowjob from some guy), whether he’d be good at them or not.  Since I am indeed female with no penis, I wasn’t sure exactly how this was going to go down.  I did, however, suggest him suck on my toes.  By the way, on yet another sidenote, we have a very strange relationship in that we can talk to each other about anything and say weird things to one another without the other freaking out or thinking anything of it.  Talking about blowjobs is almost second nature to us.  So yes, this blowjob talk continued and continued.

Finally, when I was ready to collect my blowjob, I contacted him.  And here’s where things get shady…on his part.  We were talking through Facebook chat, and he kept pushing our time back to meet up.  I had told him I’d be there after I was done watching one of my favorite shows in the world, and he then proceeded to ask me how late I was going to be up for.  I questioned this, and this was the response I got: he was hanging out with his girlfriend at the moment and didn’t know how long that would last.  He even tried canceling at one point, asking me if I would be mad if we didn’t get together that day.  Since he’s screwed me over in the past, I decided to fuck with him.  I started taunting him, saying that I had a surprise for him in this whole blowjob ordeal and that he wouldn’t get the surprise if he didn’t meet up with me when I wanted to meet up.  And that the surprise was amazing.  Of course, this piqued his interest and he badgered me non-stop, asking me what this surprise was.  It got to the point where he started compromising with me on what he’d get if he met up with me, perhaps maybe a return blowjob.  Normally, I would tell him that that’s out of the question, especially because he has a girlfriend and I don’t condone cheating.  But, since I was persistent about meeting up with him that night, I agreed to it.  So he went from almost completely backing out of meeting up with me to 100% meeting up with me after I agreed to a blowjob.  God, he’s so fucking easy.  He made mention how I am trouble and how I would get him in trouble.  😉  Actually, here’s a snippet of our conversation, in discussing whether or not we were going to meet up:

“Mr. Big (Present)”: Ok….if I can right now then you have to fork out a bj too then

Moi: Sure

“Mr. Big (Present)”: Are you serious?

Moi: Yep

“Mr. Big (Present)”: Ahhhhhhhh!! You are trouble…

Moi: 😉

“Mr. Big (Present)”: You’d get me in trouble!

Moi: Well it’s your call, be a man, suck it up, and owe up to the bet, or wimp out

Hurry and make a decision, before I get bored with this conversation and decide to take back what I just said

I’m sure you all know what he decided on.  🙂  I don’t like the idea of not having an escape plan for myself, so I decided to pick him up at his place.  On my way there (I live like 10 minutes from him…) I get a “Where are you?” text.  Seriously, so impatient.  When I finally get there, he’s already outside.  We start to leave and I ask him where the closest restaurant bar/bar is and he’s confused.  In pajamas, he was under the impression that we were just going to go to some dark alley way and get it on or something.  So I made him go get his ID which he didn’t think he would need, and we leave for a bar.  On the way, we make small talk, discussing the things happening in our lives.  Pretty boring on both ends.  He honestly didn’t sound like he was very happy with what he’s doing with his life at the moment.  We talked about how we were both pretty sick of our jobs and I told him how I was wanting to find something new soon.  As always, he was very encouraging, telling me I could easily find something else because I’m smart.  Such a sweetheart.  Seriously, if I need an ego boost, he’s a good one to go to.

We get to the bar which isn’t exactly a dive bar, but it’s nowhere even in the vicinity of a posh lounge either.  There was a few people there just having a couple of drinks.  We went to the bar and I order him a blowjob shot.  I was initially going to make him take it from between my legs, but alas, the bartender had no whip cream.  So no blowjob shot.  Boo.  The entire time, he seemed super impatient and just a bit uncomfortable.  I ended up making him take a cement mixer.  The bartender was really sweet and ended up giving us the shot for free since it’s a trick shot, usually given to people on their 21st birthdays.  We immediately left after the shot, even though I offered to get “Mr. Big (Present)” a beer if he wanted.

On our way to his house, I think he finally put two and two together.  I was clearly not going to give him a blowjob and had only said I was so that he would do what I wanted and meet up that night.  He had mentioned earlier in our conversation the fact that he had a girlfriend (even though it’s clearly did not stop him from hanging out with me…hence why I marked his manners as both really low and high) to which my response was that I don’t condone cheating; something I’ve told him over and over again.  We get to his house, and he’s still hopeful and tells me, “You know you want to give me a blowjob.”  I then tell him about my potential “TOWWETB” and just how much I really like this guy.  This doesn’t deter him, and he asks if he just pulls his penis out a bit, then maybe I’ll want to give him a blowjob.  I still tell him no and begin to blow in his face, saying, “There’s your blowjob.”  🙂  He sat there stunned for a bit, telling me I had lied to him.  I like to call it manipulation, but whatever.  Being the gentleman he is though, he didn’t freak out at me (like I think some guys would).  He just simply laughed, told me if I ever wanted to hang out and grab drinks sometime to call him, and left.

Honestly, I’m pretty proud of myself for this one.  I killed two birds with one stone…I’ve kept my options open by talking to him still and not putting all my eggs in one basket for my potential “TOWWETB” and I fucked with his sex drive – he thought he was definitely going to get some and instead all he got was a disgusting shot and a blow in the face (literally).  While yes, it’s pretty shitty of me to try to draw him away from his girlfriend, it’s pretty shitty of him to comply with my requests.  He could have easily said, “No, I have a girlfriend.”  Instead all I had to say was I’d give him a blowjob, and he jumped at the occasion.  This whole incident honestly made me lose a lot of respect for him and made me realize how much I DON’T want him anymore.  I’m so glad that he had inadvertently protected me from getting truly hurt by telling me he sucks at relationships from the get go.

*Positives: He’s a great guy, very smart, very athletic, amazing body, easy to talk to (I can talk to him about anything without feeling I’m being judged), has a lot going for him, fun to hang out with, and at one point, truly believed that he embodied everything I wanted in a guy.

*Negatives: He’s a cheater, while he IS nice, he clearly doesn’t know what it means to have a girlfriend, he’s easily persuaded by other things (a.k.a. other girls offering sexual favors to him), he wants what he can’t have and always will, in some ways is disrespectful towards women (in the way that he treats his girlfriends), clearly has some relationship/intimacy issue that he needs to work on.  Basically, all his negative qualities lie in the relationship aspect.

Second Date?: No.  I’m most definitely over “Mr. Big (Present)”.  As lovely of a person as I think he is in every such way, I’ve most definitely lost a lot of respect for him after this whole ordeal.  I’m just glad I’m not the girl who he’s constantly fucking over.  I would be willing to hang out with him as JUST a friend, with hopefully no sexual innuendos or anything leading to sex talk.  Maybe one day we can be actual friends, but I’m pretty sure after all this, he won’t be talking to me for awhile.  Haha.

24 thoughts on “Date #33: The Return of “Mr. Big (Present)”

  1. HAHAHAHA!!!!! :0) Love this!!! I don’t think you did anything that would be considered manipulative, he just didn’t hear you!

  2. Does no-one give blow-jobs anymore?! Aw hell. This date from Mr. Big’s perspective sounds like the entire history of my sex-life. I was once offered a blow-job from a woman back in 1997 and i’m still waiting. It’s gone flaccid now but if i ever see her again then i’m sure i’d probably be able to stimulate some life back into it but that’s not really the point. The point is why does no-one give out blow-jobs anymore? Oh hold on a minute, i’ve just had a quick look at my penis and i now think i understand the reason. Fell free to completely disregard this comment…

    • Why have we not met in person yet? Seriously, I think we would get along perfectly!!
      I can’t believe that woman promised you a blow job 15 years ago and still hasn’t paid up!! I only make guys wait 10 years, tops. I actually really enjoy giving blow jobs to men I like, and quite frequently at that!! =) And I would never disregard anything you say, I love all your comments!

      • It’s a shame you don’t live in Scotland as we have so much in common. You like BJs and i like muff diving! You should really think of visiting ‘bonnie’ Scotland and perhaps even moving here. The unemployment benefit has now increased to £71 per week (roughly £130 dollars) so you would be able to live like a queen! You might have to wear a really thick woolly sweater though especially in the summer months and also learn how to use a machete but i reckon you would love it here. I am presently looking for a new girlfriend after my last one overdosed so please give my thought some consideration x

        • Gosh, we truly would be a pair!!! I think it would be rather fun learning how to use a machete. Does this mean I have to cut down my own firewood?? And would I have to sew my own thick woolly sweater? I will definitely give consideration in moving to Scotland. The only thing I am addicted to is Glee and working out, so no worries of me overdosing!! =)

            • Whaaat?!?! What’s wrong with Glee?? Haha. I do have a very legitimate reason for liking it….I sing. How about this, once I go and record a song and after I do my photoshoot tomorrow and receive those pictures back, I will make a post with both the song and pictures and will dedicate it to you?? Will that put me back in your good graces??

              • Oh, okay then. But the pictures will now have to be super-duper extra-sensitive and extra-lubricatingly hot! Also, if you insist on watching Glee when you join me in Scotland you will have to watch it on the portable tv in my basement with the other girls and if you want to watch the entire series then i may be forced to put you over my knee (but remember it will be for your own good)…
                Do you really sing? *like* But do you sing well? I have seen many women on that X-Factor show believing they can sing well but not many can. However, i am inclined to believe you as your blog is a very honest and non-deluded kinda blog so i am genuinely looking forward to hearing you sing. A girl who sings might even be able to crack my icy heart. Btw, i also sing but only when i am in bed with a woman. I serenade them with an acapella version of ‘Pour some sugar on me’ by Def Leppard whilst doing a (manly) booty-dance. It’s always guaranteed to make every orifice ooze… :-O

                • Haha well I will let you be the judge of both my singing skills and my pictures on just how awesome they are!! I don’t like to judge my own singing because I am super critical, but if you want my honest opinion, I’ll go with I can carry a tune. I’ll let you decide for yourself what you think when I post it!! 😉 I like that you serenade and dance for women – that’s one of the hugest turn-ons. I really hope my love for Glee doesn’t devoid me of one day witnessing your singing and dancing!! Oh and there’s nothing wrong with being forced to be put on someone’s knee…it’s kind of a turn on!! But what’s with these”other girls” I’d have to watch Glee with?! I don’t know how I feel about that…

                  • Don’t worry Leslie, the other girls in my basement are super-friendly and they will make you feel at home. Also, they won’t spoil your enjoyment of Glee as they normally insist being silent, facing the wall and wearing gimp masks…
                    btw, you look adorable on your Gravatar pics so i’m still eagerly anticipating more hot pics of you. I have even gone to the trouble of clearing some space on my hard drive. I now have a gap between my ‘lesbian fisting part 2’ folder and my ‘lesbian fisting part 4’ folder. That’s 67 giga bytes of pictures you are able to send me…

  3. I don’t know if it’s just a coincidence, but I’ve read posts very similar to this on several other blogs recently. You’re at least the fifth dating blogger who has an ex who once seemed like The One, and the ex now has a new girlfriend, but the blogger chooses to keep in touch with the ex, chooses to engage in sexual conversation rather than making it clear to the ex that it’s inappropriate, chooses to meet up without the new girlfriend’s knowledge and then dances around the question of whether something sexual will happen.

    Yes, his actions were more unpleasant than yours, and yes, both of your actions could have been more unpleasant had you gone further. But if you claim you’re over your ex, why do you feel the need to “fuck with his sex drive”? And how would you feel if you were the new girlfriend? Why put time and energy into something so negative and potentially damaging?

    • Concerning your first points, I actually HAVE told him in the past that sexual conversation is inappropriate and have reminded him that he has a girlfriend. This was kind of a one time thing. As far as “fucking with his sex drive”, it’s because I’m a vindictive bitch and sometimes I feel the need to take karma into my own hands. I am most definitely over him…this is just a game for me. I was bored, and he was talking to me, so why not? Everything is better when made into a game. As far as the new girlfriend’s feelings, he does this to EVERY girl he is with, so for her to be so oblivious to his shitty ways is ignorance at its very finest.

      In conclusion, yes I can be a manipulative bitch when I want to be and when I feel the need to be. =) Have I answered your questions??

  4. You asked if you had answered my questions… well, yes and no. I don’t think you really answered about how you would feel if you were in the girlfriend’s position. Are you saying it’s OK for you to do this because she’s ignorant?

    It may seem like I’m trying to have a dig at you, and I guess in some ways I am, but I’m also trying to offer some advice, although I realise that you may not have asked for any. If I had a dollar for every woman out there who still has sexual conversations with their ex, and tells themselves that they’re over him and it’s just a game and it’s not doing any harm, I’d be rich. Being over somebody means being neutral towards them – not only not wanting to be with them, but also not wanting to be vindictive towards them, because that means that they’re still in your head. You think that you scored a victory over this guy, but I can tell you that he’ll walk away from this event knowing that you still want attention from him sometimes. He wins. You’ve said that you’ve warned him about sex talk before, but he did it again and look how much excitement it got him this time. It’s not all about getting physical stimulation – the mental stuff works too and I imagine his girlfriend would feel betrayed by this too.

    I just don’t understand why people stay in touch with exes when it’s clear that a solely platonic friendship is not likely. However, I may be in the minority on this one – your other three commenters seem to see it rather differently from me! So maybe I’m the odd one.

    • Well I guess the first thing you have to understand is that he is not exactly an ex. Did you read up on the very first thing I wrote about him? I think I linked it in the post above. This might further clarify things for you since you seem to not be understanding the situation.

      I would never be in the girlfriend’s position in this situation because I would never be stupid enough to date him seriously. Yes, in the past, I may have wanted a relationship with him. But the more I get to know him, the more I realize just how awful he is at relationships, just like he warned me at the beginning. So to answer your question, how would I feel if I was her? The question is negated in the sense that I would never put myself in that situation with him.

      The only reason I still “stay friends” with him (not exactly the correct term to describe our relationship either – I would go more so with acquaintance or former fuck buddies) is because he’s not an ex. I do agree that being over someone completely means not having any feelings, whether positive or negative, towards them. So I guess in some sense, there’s still some sort of lingering there. But I guess you would have to understand my own personality and be a female to understand this situation. It’s a win for me because I couldn’t care less what happens to him, nor what gratification he takes from the incident. The fact of the matter is I fucked with someone’s emotions because I was bored. It’s all a game to me. If he never gave me attention again, I wouldn’t give two shits, which is why I’m not sure why you used the phrase “stay friends.” He can gloat about it all he wants about his apparent win, but I got what I wanted and he didn’t.

      I don’t think you’re “trying to have a dig” at me; it sounds more like maybe this is something that happened to you or someone you know in the past and you’re trying to project this onto me. As far as advice is concerned, not sure what advice you’re trying to give since I’m not trying to date this one nor do I care what happens between us??

  5. Yes, you’re astute to suspect that something like this may have happened to me; I have been cheated on in the past and it was a very unpleasant feeling. So perhaps some of my negative feelings about your post stem from this, although I was already very anti-cheating before it ever happened to me. I’ve seen what it’s done in the past to people I know, and even before that I remember watching films on TV and thinking “that’s a shitty thing to do.”

    Have you ever been cheated on? You say that you would never end up in his girlfriend’s position, but I didn’t mean in terms of you being with him specifically; just in terms of you being with someone who gets lured out by a former fuck buddy thinking he might get a blowjob. Do you have such amazing character judgment skills that you could never pick a guy who might stray? If so, please tell us how such things can be spotted! If not, imagine that situation: how would you feel?

    I have an image of a world in which people have more of a transparent dating history, a bit like how at a job interview they’d probably have plenty of info on your previous work history. I like the idea that if you take part in “manipulative bitch” activities, a future date would get to know about it and would be able to factor those past actions into their decision of whether to date you. Of course, the real world does not work this way. You can do nasty things and people in future don’t have to know. And I appreciate that on the scale of nasty things, yours wasn’t all that nasty. But is this really the person you want to be? Justifying shitty things by saying “well, his actions were even more shitty”?

    You seem to switch back and forth over whether you have feelings for this guy or not – your previous comment says “there’s still some sort of lingering there” but later “nor do I care what happens between us”, while your post says “I’ve kept my options open by talking to him still” – what options are those?

    • Oh dear hahahaha. Honey, I can sit here and continually try and try to explain this situation to you, but you’re clearly not going to get it, nor will you ever get it, for one reason alone: you’re not female. It makes sense to women. So instead of trying to wrap your mind around something you will not comprehend, I think we should just agree to disagree on this instead of wasting both our times trying to understand one another haha. 🙂 I am very flattered though that I’ve written something that you’re clearly very passionate about – that’s what writing should do – invoke emotion.

      But I will answer you this one thing…as far as being cheated on, I have witnessed a guy I was seeing attempt to hook up with another girl right in front of me. Hence, why I do not condone cheating. And I had no intentions of ever getting “Mr. Big (Present)” to actually cheat on his girlfriend. =)

  6. If you’d like to stop discussing this then that’s fair enough. I haven’t yet felt that it’s a waste of my time, but if you feel that it’s a waste of yours then I wouldn’t want you to waste any more time. I think it’s interesting that you’re declining to answer several of my questions and claiming that it’s because I’d be incapable of comprehending your responses; have you ever considered a career in politics? 😉 I also find it interesting that you think all women would “get it” and all men wouldn’t. I do understand the concept of being vindictive, and I think that there are some vindictive men and some non-vindictive women out there, so I don’t think it’s as simple as a basic gender difference.

    Anyway, I may disagree over some of your claimed motivations, but I am glad to see that you’re feeling more distant from this guy after this. I do hope that you go on to find a great guy with no vindictiveness involved on anyone’s part, if that’s what you would like.

    • I feel it’s a waste because I’ve already explained to you several times in different ways and you’re still not getting it. You’re failing to see the point, either because you purposely choose not to see it or because you’re one of those people who just can’t see another person’s point of view. Or maybe you just have an incapacity to understand things such as this, or you just need a step-by-step, in specific detail explanation. But I’ve done all the explaining I can and frankly, I don’t like to repeat myself over and over again. If a person can’t get something within the first or second time of someone saying it, it’s now on the person asking the question to figure it out on their own. At least that’s my opinion and it’s applicable to all aspects of life.

      But again, thank you for the comment. I actually have found someone who is nothing but amazing. I just haven’t written about him yet because we haven’t gone on what I would consider an official date yet. 🙂

  7. We see this exchange differently. From my perspective, I understand the point which you’ve repeatedly made (you wanted to fuck with someone’s emotions, you succeeded, it doesn’t matter what he thinks, you did what you wanted to do.) Separately from that, I’ve asked you one specific question several times (how would you FEEL in the girlfriend’s situation) and you have chosen not to answer it. Fair enough – it’s your choice.

    I’ve just read some of the earlier posts on your blog which I hadn’t read before. I hadn’t realised how tough your times with “Mr Big (Past)” (and some others) had been. I’m really not here to be a jerk – I’m here partly through curiosity and partly to offer advice. I think there are aspects of dating in which you might benefit from advice, just like all of us. Instead of trying to convince me that I’m incapable of understanding you, you might give more consideration to my point of view. I realise that my point of view is just one of many, but as I said I do seem to be at odds with other commenters on here so I just might have something worth giving more thought to.

    • Here’s as concrete of an answer as I can give you to answer your question that I’ve apparently not answered: If I was in the girlfriend’s situation, I would be happy that he didn’t actually cheat, but disappointed that he would even consider it. I’m personally too jaded to have any “normal” emotions (jealousy, anger, etc.). Which is why, like I stated previously, I would never allow myself to seriously date someone like him. And yes, there are MANY warning signs in which you can spot a person like this, even if we choose to ignore those signs initially – the signs are always there.

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