Note: This wasn’t actually a date, but based on our situation and his current relationship status, this is about as close to a date as we’re going to get.
How We Met: Enlighten yourselves if you haven’t already before, “Mr. Big (Present)”
*Physical Aesthetics: 7, but when he takes his clothes off – 9
*Manners: 1 & 10 (I’ll explain later)
*Overall Rating: 9
The “Date”: A little over a week ago, we had made a bet over the 49ers vs. Bears game. I LOVE games and bets where there’s something to gain or lose, so I just had to make a bet on this game. I really should have made the bet with my potential “TOWWETB” since he’s from the Windy City and loooooves the Bears, but I’m awkward, and I get scared to talk to someone too much when I like them…like I get scared that I’m bothering them…which I guess shows just how much I really do like him. And yes, there will be a date soon with him, I’m just getting over my fears. Anyways, so instead I made a bet with “Mr. Big (Present)”. He said he’s not really into American football (he plays soccer) except for the Broncos, but that he would make the bet with me anyway. I let him set the wager and of course, he picked a blowjob as the wager (mind you, the fucker has a girlfriend). I agreed to it and that was that. I knew I was going to win because I just have that much faith in my Niners. No matter where in this world I move to, I will always be true to my hometown. 🙂
So as I predicted, I won the bet. In fact, if anyone watched that game, it was pretty sad on the Bears part. They didn’t even score a point until after halftime. Anyways, I get a text from “Mr. Big (Present)” about how upset he is that he lost our bet and asking me when I’d like that blow job. This continued into multiple text messages and Facebook chats over the next week and a half about blowjobs. Seriously, it was all we talked about. How to give one, examples of how to give one (I sent him a visual of a transvestite getting a blowjob from some guy), whether he’d be good at them or not. Since I am indeed female with no penis, I wasn’t sure exactly how this was going to go down. I did, however, suggest him suck on my toes. By the way, on yet another sidenote, we have a very strange relationship in that we can talk to each other about anything and say weird things to one another without the other freaking out or thinking anything of it. Talking about blowjobs is almost second nature to us. So yes, this blowjob talk continued and continued.
Finally, when I was ready to collect my blowjob, I contacted him. And here’s where things get shady…on his part. We were talking through Facebook chat, and he kept pushing our time back to meet up. I had told him I’d be there after I was done watching one of my favorite shows in the world, and he then proceeded to ask me how late I was going to be up for. I questioned this, and this was the response I got: he was hanging out with his girlfriend at the moment and didn’t know how long that would last. He even tried canceling at one point, asking me if I would be mad if we didn’t get together that day. Since he’s screwed me over in the past, I decided to fuck with him. I started taunting him, saying that I had a surprise for him in this whole blowjob ordeal and that he wouldn’t get the surprise if he didn’t meet up with me when I wanted to meet up. And that the surprise was amazing. Of course, this piqued his interest and he badgered me non-stop, asking me what this surprise was. It got to the point where he started compromising with me on what he’d get if he met up with me, perhaps maybe a return blowjob. Normally, I would tell him that that’s out of the question, especially because he has a girlfriend and I don’t condone cheating. But, since I was persistent about meeting up with him that night, I agreed to it. So he went from almost completely backing out of meeting up with me to 100% meeting up with me after I agreed to a blowjob. God, he’s so fucking easy. He made mention how I am trouble and how I would get him in trouble. 😉 Actually, here’s a snippet of our conversation, in discussing whether or not we were going to meet up:
“Mr. Big (Present)”: Ok….if I can right now then you have to fork out a bj too then
“Mr. Big (Present)”: Are you serious?
“Mr. Big (Present)”: Ahhhhhhhh!! You are trouble…
“Mr. Big (Present)”: You’d get me in trouble!
Moi: Well it’s your call, be a man, suck it up, and owe up to the bet, or wimp out
Hurry and make a decision, before I get bored with this conversation and decide to take back what I just said
I’m sure you all know what he decided on. 🙂 I don’t like the idea of not having an escape plan for myself, so I decided to pick him up at his place. On my way there (I live like 10 minutes from him…) I get a “Where are you?” text. Seriously, so impatient. When I finally get there, he’s already outside. We start to leave and I ask him where the closest restaurant bar/bar is and he’s confused. In pajamas, he was under the impression that we were just going to go to some dark alley way and get it on or something. So I made him go get his ID which he didn’t think he would need, and we leave for a bar. On the way, we make small talk, discussing the things happening in our lives. Pretty boring on both ends. He honestly didn’t sound like he was very happy with what he’s doing with his life at the moment. We talked about how we were both pretty sick of our jobs and I told him how I was wanting to find something new soon. As always, he was very encouraging, telling me I could easily find something else because I’m smart. Such a sweetheart. Seriously, if I need an ego boost, he’s a good one to go to.
We get to the bar which isn’t exactly a dive bar, but it’s nowhere even in the vicinity of a posh lounge either. There was a few people there just having a couple of drinks. We went to the bar and I order him a blowjob shot. I was initially going to make him take it from between my legs, but alas, the bartender had no whip cream. So no blowjob shot. Boo. The entire time, he seemed super impatient and just a bit uncomfortable. I ended up making him take a cement mixer. The bartender was really sweet and ended up giving us the shot for free since it’s a trick shot, usually given to people on their 21st birthdays. We immediately left after the shot, even though I offered to get “Mr. Big (Present)” a beer if he wanted.
On our way to his house, I think he finally put two and two together. I was clearly not going to give him a blowjob and had only said I was so that he would do what I wanted and meet up that night. He had mentioned earlier in our conversation the fact that he had a girlfriend (even though it’s clearly did not stop him from hanging out with me…hence why I marked his manners as both really low and high) to which my response was that I don’t condone cheating; something I’ve told him over and over again. We get to his house, and he’s still hopeful and tells me, “You know you want to give me a blowjob.” I then tell him about my potential “TOWWETB” and just how much I really like this guy. This doesn’t deter him, and he asks if he just pulls his penis out a bit, then maybe I’ll want to give him a blowjob. I still tell him no and begin to blow in his face, saying, “There’s your blowjob.” 🙂 He sat there stunned for a bit, telling me I had lied to him. I like to call it manipulation, but whatever. Being the gentleman he is though, he didn’t freak out at me (like I think some guys would). He just simply laughed, told me if I ever wanted to hang out and grab drinks sometime to call him, and left.
Honestly, I’m pretty proud of myself for this one. I killed two birds with one stone…I’ve kept my options open by talking to him still and not putting all my eggs in one basket for my potential “TOWWETB” and I fucked with his sex drive – he thought he was definitely going to get some and instead all he got was a disgusting shot and a blow in the face (literally). While yes, it’s pretty shitty of me to try to draw him away from his girlfriend, it’s pretty shitty of him to comply with my requests. He could have easily said, “No, I have a girlfriend.” Instead all I had to say was I’d give him a blowjob, and he jumped at the occasion. This whole incident honestly made me lose a lot of respect for him and made me realize how much I DON’T want him anymore. I’m so glad that he had inadvertently protected me from getting truly hurt by telling me he sucks at relationships from the get go.
*Positives: He’s a great guy, very smart, very athletic, amazing body, easy to talk to (I can talk to him about anything without feeling I’m being judged), has a lot going for him, fun to hang out with, and at one point, truly believed that he embodied everything I wanted in a guy.
*Negatives: He’s a cheater, while he IS nice, he clearly doesn’t know what it means to have a girlfriend, he’s easily persuaded by other things (a.k.a. other girls offering sexual favors to him), he wants what he can’t have and always will, in some ways is disrespectful towards women (in the way that he treats his girlfriends), clearly has some relationship/intimacy issue that he needs to work on. Basically, all his negative qualities lie in the relationship aspect.
Second Date?: No. I’m most definitely over “Mr. Big (Present)”. As lovely of a person as I think he is in every such way, I’ve most definitely lost a lot of respect for him after this whole ordeal. I’m just glad I’m not the girl who he’s constantly fucking over. I would be willing to hang out with him as JUST a friend, with hopefully no sexual innuendos or anything leading to sex talk. Maybe one day we can be actual friends, but I’m pretty sure after all this, he won’t be talking to me for awhile. Haha.