How We Met: We met at a mutual friend’s going away party. Really, I should use the term “met” loosely, considering the fact that he never actually introduced himself. In fact, I had to go ask someone what his name was after like an hour because I felt bad that he had been in the same room as me and talking to me, but I didn’t even know his name. Basically, at this going away party, it was segregated into a lot of people upstairs and a few people downstairs. So being the lameass that I am, I chose to hang out with the calm, quiet, few people in the basement. And “Turtle” was one of them. Oh and on a sidenote, this nickname isn’t a reference to Turtle on Entourage, because I’m pretty sure even he has more game than this guy I went out with. Anyways, towards the end of the night, this guy ended up sitting right next to me, and I noticed kept scooting closer and closer to me. I’m not a shy person, so I didn’t mind this or think twice of it. But it was to the point where when he left his seat momentarily, this cute little dog came and practically sat on my lap, and he made the dog move so he could sit by me when he came back, gently scolding the dog for even thinking about sitting by me. WTF. Okay, enough with the sidenotes…so “Turtle” leaves the party without saying bye and I don’t think anything of it. Until I find out the next day that he managed to find me on Facebook (I’ve made myself fairly private) and added me as a friend. Not wanting to be rude, and since I met him in person, I decided to accept his friend request. He began to message me and we set up a date to meet.
*Physical Aesthetics: 4-5
*Overall Rating: 4
The Date: I’m to the point where I’m completely over going on all these awful dates. I know why they’re awful too. Because I’m just not into them, nor the guys they are with. I would rather spend my free time with people I am 100% sure I will enjoy (a.k.a my friends). Hence why I rarely go on dates on the weekends. Waste my lovely weekend on some guy that I know nothing will work with? Please.
Anyways, as I’ve clearly prefaced the following, this date wasn’t good either. We decided to meet at a bar right by my work so I could just quickly run over there afterwards. I sent him my phone number to text me, yet he was either too timid or doesn’t text (which I highly doubt), so I didn’t even know if he was at the bar or not at our planned time. I told him (through Facebook) that I would have to still change and what not before I met him over there so I may be later than our planned time, and all he said was, “Well I’ll see you when you’re there.” Strange. I could have totally stood this guy up. So of course I take my sweet ass time getting ready and having a drink with my favorite co-workers while I’m getting ready. It was a little over 30 minutes after I told him I would be off work, and I still hadn’t heard from him. For a second, I thought maybe he just didn’t show. So I was SO tempted to not even make my way over to that bar and just hang out at work, because, well…I love my co-workers. 🙂 But I didn’t want to be a total bitch, plus I still need to get to 50 guys here, so I went. It turns out he was already there at the bar, just waiting for me. Why he couldn’t text me to let me know he was there, especially since I showed up very late? I do not know.
I go to sit down, and he IMMEDIATELY begins to scoot his chair extremely close to me again. And when I say close, I mean he was practically sitting in my lap by the end of our stay at the bar. I just thought it was so weird, and maybe that’s his way of showing he likes a girl or whatever, but it’s strange. Anyways, we start talking and I recognize immediately that we have nothing in common. Whatsoever. We hang out at very different places and enjoy doing very different things. Okay…maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration. But in my mind, we had nothing in common. He works at a company that he started, working with hedge funds. He works from home. He goes out every once in awhile with his friends. I did most of the talking. Booooooring. Luckily, my co-workers were still at work and texting me so I decided to move our date to my work, which I know is lame, but at least I would have all my favorites there to witness how awful this was all going. As we’re closing our bill, I reach for my credit card, and “Turtle” doesn’t even blink. He doesn’t offer to buy my drink, and just puts his credit card down and tells the bartender to split it. Seriously?? Again, not saying I need to be paid for, but at least FUCKING OFFER!! Be a fucking gentleman!! I know I’m a bit of a princess in that, but I can’t help it – the guys in my life take care of me without question, so I’m just used to it. And even when I try to buy them stuff, they refuse and make me put my money away. True gentleman they are. So of course I was already irritated that he didn’t offer, but I still let him come hang out with me at work.
We get to my work, and since I had been texting my co-worker “E-Slide” on how awful the date had been going already, you could tell everyone either already knew this or in their head were thinking, “What the fuck is she doing with a guy like that?!” He just gave off a weird vibe. Like a super timid, awkward vibe. Anyways, we go to sit down and of course, again, he scoots his chair so close to me he’s practically in my lap. Why he thinks this is attractive in any way, I’m not too sure. Because I don’t like having someone I’m already uncomfortable with that close to me…ever. But yes, he was practically in my lap again. Luckily, my boss and “E-Slide” were in the vicinity so we all just start talking. I kind of felt bad because at that point I kind of started ignoring him (or at least tried my best to). He started GAWKING at me, even when I was just listening to someone else talk. Instead of looking at the person talking, what most socially competent people would do, I would catch him just gawking at me in such a creepy way. I seriously just wanted to die on the inside. So can you really blame me for ignoring him? Plus I noticed that he would change how he spoke to my boss (who’s a guy) in opposed to me or “E-Slide” – like the inflection in his voice and his demeanor changed, almost as if to “look cool” or “fit in.” So unattractive. He kept asking me when I was free again, and what I was going to be doing over the weekend, and luckily I’m busy so I told him that. He seemed bummed, for what reason I don’t know, because I’m pretty sure I gave him every sign in the book that I wasn’t interested in him at all in the least bit. When it was time to leave, “E-Slide” wanted me to walk her to her car since this one creepy security guard has been lurking around lately, so I told her I would. “Turtle” was parked in front of the first bar we were at, which was only a block and 1/2 down the street from where we were at so I thought we were going to part ways. But being the dumbass I can be sometimes, I offered to give him a ride to his car, which for some reason he agreed to. Again, what the fuck. I didn’t have a drink at work so I didn’t think to tip my boss (he was bartending), but “Turtle” definitely had two drinks, and not only did he not make any offer of payment, he didn’t even try tipping. Horrible impression to make on someone who works in the industry.
So I walk “E-Slide” to her car, and then drive “Turtle” to his. The entire time he’s trying to talk about my car like he knows cars so well and keeps comparing it to a hybrid. At this point, I’m already so grossed out and not attracted to him, that I just can’t even really listen to him nor take him seriously. We get to his car, and he gives me an awkward hug where he accidentally (but probably not accidentally, let’s be real) brushes up against my boob, then leaves. Ugh.
*Positives: I really wish I could think of even one. Oh…I guess he’s somewhat intellectual since he majored in biology. And he’s from Chicago, and I’m in love with that city. That’s about it.
*Negatives: He’s not physically attractive in any way whatsoever, he is extremely awkward, HE DIDN’T PAY FOR HIS DRINK AT MY WORK NOR TIP MY BOSS, didn’t offer to buy me a drink, weirdly kept scooting closer and closer to me, attempted to touch my leg or back every so often and it just came off as super weird and creepy, kept gawking at me for no apparent reason (also super creepy), is socially inept, has no characteristics I desire whatsoever, and clearly can’t take a hint.
Second Date?: No. Absolutely not. He sent me a message over Facebook (why can’t the fucker just text me?!) asking me what I was doing this weekend which I ignored. Finally, this prompted him to text me super late at night asking me where I was at.