Random: I love you, you’re perfect…just not right now.

(Side note: Ironically, I’m watching “The Bachelorette” finale while writing this (I’ve never watched this show before), so I apologize for anything grammatically incorrect and/or anything that doesn’t make sense or doesn’t sound like me whatsoever in the following entry)

…Or maybe you meet when the time isn’t right and find each other later??

This is an idea that’s ran through my thoughts for many, many years.  The idea of finding the perfect person for you – the person you’re meant to be with for the rest of your life, your soul mate….but at the wrong time of your life.  At a time where you’re not ready to settle down in any such way and are just wanting to experience everyone and everything, or at a time where you’re tied down to someone else, who you know is probably not someone you’re going to be with for the rest of your life, but fits your life for the moment.   With this, I also wonder if other people (especially guys I date) think about this idea as well.

When I was young and dumb and naive, I always thought that once you found the one, you found the one.  That was that.  You date for awhile, get engaged, then get married and live happily ever after forever and ever.  I never thought of the trials and tribulations that two people have to go through before they can decide that they’re meant to be together forever.  I also never thought of maybe meeting someone who is “the one”, but not realizing it till later in life, after having gone through other people (in some people’s cases, LOTS of other people), just to arrive at the person who has been there all along.

While I am still young and in some sense, still dumb and naive, I think my whole perspective about finding the one has most definitely changed from when I was younger.  Being the hopeless romantic that I am (damn those Disney movies that skewed reality for me), I’ve thought that plenty (and by plenty, I really mean just a few…like 3 or 4) of guys through my life could be “the one.”  I thought that that was that – I had finally met them.  Only to be dissuaded later on by some imperfection that I had initially disregarded and probably purposely chose to ignore.  But even with that being said, I still wonder if one of these guys are the one…I mean, how do I know one of them won’t come back to me in the future and confess their undying love for me?  Granted, when I am truly DONE with a guy, I’m done – I don’t ever want to have anything intimate with them ever again, and a friendship is not something I really desire either.  But, what if?  For the longest time, I really did think “Mr. Big (Past)” could have been the one, and I (stupidly) convinced myself that things weren’t working with us at the moment because we just weren’t ready to come to terms with that.  When I was finally done with him for good, that thought of him being “the one” ceased to cross my mind all-together.  But what if he truly is the one for me, but just came into my life at the wrong time?  What if we’re meant to be together later on in life?  It’s such an insane thing to think about.  With all that being said, as soon as “Mr. Big (Past)” and I were finished for good, a couple of his friends, who I had become fairly good friends with as well and were always so good to me, confessed to me that they had always had a thing for me and if it hadn’t been for “Mr. Big (Past)”, they would have pursued something with me.  So then that got me to thinking, what if one of them were actually the one and I was just so blinded to see it before?

Exactly, so instead of waiting around for The One, have fun and experience different things and different people!! =)

They always say that once you find the right person, you know it for a fact.  But I personally think that you have to go through a lot, both with and without a person (and both the positive and the negative) in order to figure out whether they’re the right one for you.  While I do believe some people are lucky enough to find their person without having to deal with the drama, agony, and frustration of dating around, the rest of us have to go through those tribulations in order to truly figure it out.

So…even with my blog and all the different men, the question still remains: do I think that one of these dates of mine could be The One??  Do I have an inkling that maybe me and one of these guys will end up together, forever, one day??  Is there something I’m not telling everyone and there’s actually someone I haven’t written about that I may think is the one??  I’ll leave it up to your imagination to decide the answer to this one….;-)

8 thoughts on “Random: I love you, you’re perfect…just not right now.

  1. A girlfriend of mine always compares her partner (s) to a guy she says was “the one” but at the time she wasn’t ready to settle down… He just got married (they remained friends) and now she is 43 (she says she will never have children now) and I don’t know if (in her mind) she will ever find anyone that will fill his shoes. A bit sad really 😦

    • Oh that’s totally sad!! I’m interested in hearing the background though…how long were they together for? Who broke up with who? What was the dynamic between the two? Did she fight for him before he got married?? Sorry for all the questions, I’m really just curious!!!

      • Ohhh… well I will try my best to assist. From what she said – they met and worked together between 6-8 yrs (not sure how long the relationship was though) on private luxury boats (managing wealthy clients at sea). I think they parted when either one decided to leave the industry and move on (I believe she said that she wasn’t ready to take it to a level of 100% commitment at that time) He apparently was a bit older than her. I don’t believe she did anything to persuade him not to marry… but they way she spoke when she said he was getting married, I could tell she was devastated… she decided not to contact him again 😦

        • Oh my gosh, that is so sad =(. It makes me wonder how he felt…like if he felt she was the one too, but because she wasn’t ready he just gave up and settled for the next best thing. I’m horrible at it too, but I swear communication is seriously the key between making things work between men and women!!!

  2. 100% Leslie, communication if you don’t say it; they won’t know it. Everyone, secretly does not feel that they measure up *note i didn’t say good enough* . (except for the truly exceptional 1%)

    • Thanks, it’s just really hard for me to express how I really feel sometimes, especially with how things always end up. In the past, I was completely upfront and told guys what I wanted from the start, which lead to years of heartbreak and games and bullshit. So now I do the whole “If things are going well, why ruin them with bringing up the next step?” approach. Not the best, but it’s kept me happy for the most part. Haha.

  3. Crazy awesome post. Seriously. Glad to prodded at me to swing by and take a read.

    I think the idea of meeting someone at the wrong time in your life is a pretty sad one. But I think you’re right on one thing – sometimes you won’t know that someone is “the one” for you unless you experience life without them after having met them. There are so many things that you may end up learning and feeling that can only happen after dating them and being single. That’s happened with my ex, and thankfully I can conclude that we’re destined to be friends for life, but not that getting the divorce was a mistake.

    The saddest part of this kind of thing is that it’s possible there’s this huge chunk of time you could have spent with “the one” before you realized they were “the one.” But then if you spent that intervening time together, would it have still worked out in the end?

    Different people have different ways of dealing with this kind of thing. Some people try to stick it out a bit to see if it turns into that kind of scenario, whereas others will cut and move on, only to discover later. I’m not sure which approach is best.

    You do realize I’m going to have to blog about this too, now? 🙂

    • Well thank you for taking the time to read this and leaving your opinion about it, I really do appreciate it!! And I’m glad it has inspired you to blog about it as well!!! =) I can’t wait to read it! I really think it’s a fascinating idea to think about, especially because women and men have such different views on it!! I’ve also been thinking about it lately because I’ve spoken to many people who are married or in a serious relationship who aren’t happy and who have told me they let “the one” go. It’s very sad, and it really makes me wonder…

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