This is something I never thought I would ever say….because I am one of the most boy crazy people I know. Seriously, I love men. Everything about them….okay well maybe not everything, but most everything. Though at the moment, I currently “hate” men. I put hate in quotes because I don’t actually hate men (obviously), but I’m going through this “I don’t want to be around any guys and I don’t want any guys to be around me” phase that other women I know have gone through that I never thought I would go through. I don’t mean this in a friendly way; I don’t mind them being in the vicinity or hanging out with them – I mean more so in the romantic/intimate/sexual way. The mere thought of a guy touching me is grossing me out. And maybe I’m just feeling this way because it’s almost that time of the month, but I have honestly never felt this way before. I’m not exactly sure what to think about it either…is something wrong with me?
I’m writing this entry for 2 reasons: 1.) It was a spur of the moment thought while I’m doing laundry late at night and 2.) This feeling I’m having may affect my blog for the time being. As you all may have noticed (or maybe not, I don’t fucking know), it’s been awhile since I’ve gone on a date with someone. And while I WAS out of the country last week, I should have at least been on top of my dates this week. But I really haven’t been feeling like going on any dates, nor hanging out with any guys one-on-one. Yeah, sure, I’m always down to hang out with my guy friends, but I haven’t been wanting to hang out with guys who aren’t just my friends. I even started talking to “Mr. Big (Present)” again (I’ll do an update on him and my other dates soon) and I don’t really want to see or hang out with him anytime soon. And this is “Mr. Big (Present)” that we’re talking about here…not just one of my random dates that I go on for the purpose of this blog!!!
I think the strangest thing about me feeling this way is that I can’t think of a specific thing that instigated this feeling in me. I just started feeling it. Even earlier today I was thinking about how maybe I should try the “slut” route for a little bit and just have fun with a bunch of different guys. But as I sit here writing this entry, all I can think about is how disgusted I am by men right now. I seriously don’t even want to think about being next to a guy or having a guy kiss me, let alone touch me in any such way. I don’t necessarily think anything negative about men either…I just don’t want them around me.
So for the time being, my dates will be on a little bit of a hiatus. Granted, I say this now, but who knows what will happen tomorrow or how I’ll even be feeling in a couple of hours. I am a Gemini after all, so this may be an extremely temporary feeling. I just find it so strange since I have never felt this way before, not even in the least bit. If anything, I found comfort in wanting to be in the arms of a man or just being in the presence of a man that I wanted to be with. And now, I am feeling the complete opposite of that.
Now, this does not mean I will be going the lesbian route. Haha. While I have this strange feeling of dislike towards men at the moment, I could never be sexually attracted to the same sex…I have my own boobs and vagina, thank you very much. Nothing wrong with lesbians either…I just can’t relate in that sense. Nor does this mean I am becoming a feminist, because there’s a lot of feminist beliefs I do not agree with (no offense to the ladies out there who are) and I truly believe that Marilyn Monroe quote about this being a man’s world but wanting to be a lady in it, yadda, yadda, yadda. Yeah.
So in a nutshell: 1.) I am not going lesbian, but 2.) I am currently in a weird feeling of having a strong dislike for men, and 3.) This means my blog will be on a temporary hiatus (temporary meaning anywhere from tomorrow to a week or a month from now….I’m hoping for the former in opposed to the latter though).
Not gonna lie…I’m bummed I’m feeling this way. Booooooooo.