I’ve been trying to think of a topic for some time now for a random entry since I’ve been slacking on both dates and just writing random in-between entries. Though as I was talking to a friend last night (one of the select few men who know about my blog..well one of the few that I knowingly have told about my blog to) and asking for dating advice from a guys perspective, he unknowingly gave me the idea for my next topic. Woohoo =). You know who you are, thank you so much! =)
So here we go.
We can all attest that the female brain and the male brain are two completely different entities in the sense that women and men never view things the same way. On the rare occasions that they do, there’s always some slight differences. Many times, these opposing perspectives that we have due to our biological differences is the culprit behind our disagreements, arguments, and full blown screaming matches. We (speaking as a woman, and I’m sure men do this at times as well) assume that the opposite sex understands what we mean by our actions, insinuations, innuendos, and then proceed to get mad when they don’t or when a situation doesn’t go how we thought it would based on the above listed. Then they get mad because we’re mad over something they didn’t know was going to make us mad, and at the end of the day, everyone is just pissed and crying. All because of assumptions. If we all just said what we really meant instead of beating around the bush (I know this blog is about dating, and thoughts of sex come with dating, but I didn’t mean that in a gross way for all you sick fucks out there), we would all be much happier. Okay, maybe there would be situations where shit would hit the fan instead of going in our way…but at least there’s no confusion and everything is out on the table, right?
I’m writing about this topic because I think at some point in our lives (if not currently), we’ve all been in this situation when it comes to dating, relationships, crushes, etc. We’ve all wanted to tell someone how we really feel , but because we’re chicken shit, we instead do things and say things that relate to what we want to actually say without having to actually say what it is we want to say (wow, that was confusing…:-/). And this can be confusing to the opposite sex, as they may misinterpret what you actually meant by what you said into something completely different. Is this their fault? No. Is this your fault? Kind of. Either way, everything can be blamed on our biological differences and differences in how our minds work. But because we cannot change an innate behavior or way of thinking, we must try and work around this…by fully explaining ourselves to the best of our ability and being completely truthful in a direct way. And while this may be scary and difficult, it’s the only way for both sexes to fully understand one another.
I most definitely struggle with this issue myself. In society, girls are told not to tell guys their feelings and to play games and be coy. This is supposedly how to keep a guy interested in you and coming back for more. While I have mastered those things to a T and it has worked to a certain extent, being that way has also fucked me over many times. In fact, I’m pretty sure the last couple of guys I’ve liked/dated/hooked up with found other girls because I was so aloof when it came to expressing how I truly felt. I would just ignore “the talk” all-together and through my actions assume they knew how I felt. It didn’t help that some of my girlfriends gave me the advice to be distant and not show interest (thanks bitches…yes I mean that in a mean way). Clearly, listening to these dummy girls (sorry, just saying it how it is) fucked me over in the end and inevitably, by listening to stupidity, I fucked myself over. I’ve also been hurt many times in the past…many would say more than I deserve. Because of this, I also tend to retreat when the topic of how I really feel comes up. I guess I just have this mentality that if everything is going right, even if it may not be exactly what I want, why should I fuck it up by talking about feelings or the “next step”?
This year, I have decided to change this about myself. Not only is this written in my New Years resolutions (which I have actually kept a lot of!), but it’s something that I feel I really need to change. I’m going to be completely honest with how I feel for guys that come into my life (depending on the situation, of course) and not be scared to tell them how I really feel. Yes, this will probably backfire a couple of times. But so what? Better to know that they don’t feel the same way back than to spend all my time chasing down someone who never felt the same way for me than I did for them, right?
That way I can move onto new prospects and more dates. =)