Random: You hate me?!?! I LOVE you!!

The age old, cliche/quote that ruins us all when it comes to relationships at one point or another: “I want what I can’t have.”

But why?  Why are we, as human beings, so fascinated with things that we cannot attain?  What is it that draws us to something that is beyond our possession??

We’ve all been in this situation: we like a guy, or a girl, and for some reason we can’t have them.  Whether it be because they’re playing hard to get, they just don’t like us, they have issues they need to sort out, they’re just a straight up asshole, or they’re dating someone else.  And we WANT them.  BADLY.  All we can think about is them, and we won’t stop pursuing them until they are ours.  Some people even get so intense that they do crazy shit or say crazy things in order to get said person.  Usually, when this situation arises, the pursuer ends up getting hurt in one way or another, at times more than once.  Yet we continue to put ourselves through this purgatory because we so badly want this person.

Do we enjoy being hurt over and over again by dwelling on something/someone we can’t have?  It’s like something in our subconscious is saying, “Please, let me be hurt over and over and over again, just for this one person!” even though there are millions of other people out there in the world who are willing to love us just as much, or maybe even more than the prey that we keep hunting for.  Or maybe it’s society who puts this idea in our head – telling us to never give up on anything we want in life.  Which I completely agree with, and I truly think if we want something in life, we should fight for it,  but at the same time, is it worth all the pain, struggles, and tears if we continue to strive for someone yet inevitably can never have them?

I’ve seen many people go through this struggle, and I myself have many a times.  I’ve seen both sides too…the people who stuck in there and held out, fought for what they wanted for weeks, months, even more than a couple of years, and prevailed in the end.  And then there’s the people who did the same, and never “won,” if you will.  But in the process, there were many tears, lots of heartbreak, depression, sadness, and pain.  Is one person really worth pain and suffering??  And how do we know who is worth the fight and who isn’t?

But what if a person is our dreams?? What do we do then Gaga??

I think we all asked ourselves this question and want someone to just give us a damn answer already.  I wish I had even remotely the slightest clue on to what the answer is.  I struggle with this on a daily basis, with “Mr. Big (Present)” for one.  Sometimes I wonder if I’m just wasting all my thoughts, and time and tears on an individual who in time, I will most likely get over like the rest of the guys that have passed through my life.  Or is he really different than anyone else and worth fighting for?  If I choose to fight for him, will I be doing it in vain, or is this a test I’ve been given in life to see how strong I really am, and in time I’ll win?  I look at people who fought for years for someone, who stuck it out, and they finally got what they wanted and are happier than ever!  But I also see people who have fought and fought, suffered and shed more tears than they should, and in the end…they got nothing.  And then there’s people like me, who fought and fought for what I wanted (at the time “Mr. Big (Past)”), suffered through some horrible times, lots of tears, anguish, and eventually just gave up and decided that’s not what I wanted anymore.  But I look back on that time (3 years to be exact) and question whether I had just wasted my time.  I could always play the whole optimistic card and tell myself, “Oh it was a learning experience, I grew from it!”  But let’s face it honeys, I’m not getting any younger.  As a smart woman I know always says, “There’s always going to be someone prettier and younger than you the older you get.”

I’m not really sure where I was going with this entry, to be honest.  I guess I just wanted to address the fact that this is a huge dilemma throughout life, particularly concerning the relationships we go through in our lives.  It’s an issue that there appears to be no answer to.  And although it causes much suffering and heartache, we just can’t help from falling through its rabbit hole over and over again….

Note: I know I usually only write “random” entries in-between the dates I go on, but I’ve been slacking a bit on the dates, as you can see.  :-/  Anyways, I felt the need to write something since it’s been awhile since I’ve written anything, so here it is.  Don’t worry, my next entry will be a date one!!  =)

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