Note: The nickname “Mr. Big” does not refer to anything anatomical (you sick fucks). Refer to *The Rules* to understand the meaning of this nickname.
You might be wondering why I’m writing this entry, especially considering the fact that in the title of this entry I mention that this person is someone from my past. My reasoning behind this is because I think it is important to give my audience a background of where I am coming from and to know some history about my dating life. Also, this person played a somewhat significant role in my life for some years and I think it’s important to share this to truly understand why I am writing this blog.
Then… I met “Mr. Big (Past)” my junior year of college when I was 20 and he was 18 , just starting his freshman year of college. Yes, I robbed the cradle…big time. While that may not seem like a huge age gap now that I’m older, it most definitely was back then. And yes, I got made fun of hardcore.
I went to a friend’s party a week or so before school started with a clear head. I had finally gotten over “Dolphin Teeth” (I may reference him a bit through my blog, but I will never write a history about him because I find him to be a very insignificant person with no pertinence to my life whatsoever) and was ready to just have fun with my life and meet new guys. The party was a lot of fun, especially because they had a hot tub, so a lot of us took advantage of that. “Mr. Big (Past)” was one of the people in the hot tub. I’m not too sure how he ended up at this party considering my friends were juniors and he was a freshman, but he was there. I thought nothing of him except that he was a little freshman and it was cute how he was trying to party with the “big kids.” I think I made him motor boat my friends boobs to introduce him to college (how nice of me, huh?). So that was that, I didn’t think any thing of him. The next day, my friends had a party again, and of course we were all in the hot tub again. I knew that he lived in the dorms that were kind of by my house since I had seen him walking there the night before, so I asked him to walk me and my roommate home later on in the night. Well, being champion drinkers that me and my roommate were, she got a little too drunk so we instead got a ride home from a friend. Weirdly enough, “Mr. Big” still decided to come home with us. He helped me get my roommate into our house and once we got her situated, we just talked. At the time, I was very impressed. We seriously sat there chatting for over an hour, just getting to know one another. Maybe it was the alcohol, or I was feeling vulnerable, but I basically cried to him about “Dolphin Teeth” and instead of being weirded out, he comforted me and made me feel like a princess. He was so young, so while I did allow him to sleep in my bed with me, nothing happened that first night =). It was so nice to find a guy who seemed to sincerely care about me, even after only knowing me for a day.
So that’s how we started. At first it was lovely, and he doted on me and called me ALL the time wanting to hang out. He told me he thought I was the hottest girl in Boulder (which he always told me even till the end). We hung out quite a bit…and then I had to go and be ambitious. I had decided that year I was going to be completely honest when it came to feelings, so after a couple of weeks I told him I wanted us to be together. Well, that scared the shit out of him. After that, he kind of retreated. Not completely, but enough to the point where I got upset….a lot. And that is basically how it was for 3 years. It was always a game of who could piss the other one off more or who could make the other one more jealous. It was so juvenile! Because at the end of the day (or week, you know…depending on the circumstance), we’d always go back to one another. And no matter what we did to piss each other off, and trust me we did some SHITTY things (I hit him in the groin with a half full bottle of Jack Daniels, and would sometimes drive around drunk because I knew he hated it. He hooked up with girls in front of me and would sometimes pick drugs over me ), we seemed to always still have a thing for one another.
Things got really bad around Spring-Summer of ’09, when he started getting heavily into drugs, alcohol, and partying. I partially blame myself for this because I was the one who introduced him to the people who he participated in the intense debauchery with. I remember at one point, he was so inebriated he started yelling at a girl who he thought owed him money, but it turns out that he didn’t even know that girl. I wanted to help him so bad and it hurt my heart so badly that he was turning into this…thing…but there was nothing I could do. The only people he seemed to even care about at this point was the people who were just as into the drugs, alcohol, and partying as he was. We stopped talking for a bit when all this was happening because I just didn’t want to deal with it. But deep down inside, I still cared so much about him.
Eventually, like all things, this phase came to an end and for the most part, he was back to his normal self. We still did things to piss each other off and try to make each other jealous, but that was normal. This lasted until the end, when I finally had the last of it and moved on.
Now, I know that whatever we were was not healthy at all…I knew it then too. And I tried SO hard to get over him, even at one point dating a guy who I didn’t even care for in the least bit. But I was just so drawn to him. He truly was like a drug that I was completely addicted to. In fact, I honestly thought I loved him at some point. And maybe I did; but they say if you love someone, you love them forever and I don’t feel that I love him now so….anyways, I finally got over him and truly did want to have a friendship, but as we all know, that never works out.
Now…He moved back to the land of the quarterback/football team who beat my poor Tim Tebow with a record 6 touchdowns in one game. Apparently he has a “big kid” job out there. Everything I know about him now is all hearsay, because we haven’t spoken since May of 2011. But I have heard through a little birdie that he may be moving back here sometime soon. And while I’m almost certain I wouldn’t go back to him ever again, I also do believe in never saying never. So I guess we will see what happens….